Heart of Gold
by MadameCissy
Summary: They have come so far and now the next step lies ahead of them. Olivia and Amanda have found the family they always wanted but now they are ready to start one of their own. Follow them on a journey of joy, surprise, fear and strength as they come to terms with the fact that they will become parents. (Sequel to Heart of Glass and Heart of Stone).
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** Well, yes… here it is. The third part of the "Heart" series. We have moved forward about four months in time and the first chapter starts on Christmas Day. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. The Christmas bug has gotten a firm hold of me (even though I am still trying to fight it off). There will be reflections to the events of Heart of Stone and Heart of Glass throughout. This story is going to be far fluffier than its two predecessors and yes, there will be an extra addition to the Benson-Rollins household, although we're quite far away from that happening.

We meet a familair face in this chapter as well. For those who haven't read Heart of Glass, this person may be unfamiliar to you but for those who have read the very first part of the series, you'll know exactly who this person is. Hope this appearance brings a smile to your faces. Enjoy and let me know what you think, guys! Here's to a happy Rolivia story!

Happy Thanksgiving!

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_Every now and then when the world_  
_That we're living in is crazy_  
_You gladly hold me and carry me through_  
_No one in the world has ever done_  
_What you do for me and I'd be_  
_Sad and lonely if there were no you_  
_~Garth Brooks - Wrapped Up In You**  
**_

Winters in New York were cold. The roads were covered in inches of snow. The nights were dark and long and in the morning it would take ages for the sun to break through the thick deck of clouds. Every other day more snow would fall on top of the amount already there. The number of car crashes and weather related accidents had only increased in recent months and according to the weather channels it wasn't about to change. However, bad things aside, there was one good thing about snow in December and that was the white Christmas that the residents of New York were waking up to this morning.

Amanda's eyes fluttered open and she lazily rolled onto her side. She briefly glanced at the alarm clock. Just after eight o'clock. Weak sunlight filtered into the bedroom through the partially open curtains and she could see the snow covering the tree branches outside. A jolt of excitement rushed through her. Back in Atlanta, a white Christmas was rare.

"Hey," said a sleepy voice next to her and Amanda looked down just in time to see Olivia's chocolate brown eyes open. It was a sight she cherished every day. She loved watching the older woman sleep but she loved it even more when she could watch her wake up. It was only when she slept that Olivia's face was completely void of stress and worry. The features relaxed and she seemed so peaceful. When she woke, the morning sunlight always seemed to reflect in her eyes and Amanda loved watching her.

"Hi," Amanda smiled and moved closer to the brunette. Soft lips found each other and she smiled into the kiss. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Olivia answered and snaked her arms around Amanda's body before pulling her closer. She buried her face in her blonde hair and breathed in the familiar scent of her shampoo. "What time is it?"

"Just after eight," Amanda answered. "Enjoy the peace while it lasts."

"Remind me why we decided to invite everyone over for Christmas?" Olivia muttered, her voice getting lost in Amanda's hair. Her hands slipped underneath the white tank top her girlfriend was wearing and caressed the warm skin of her stomach. "I don't want to get out of bed. Why can't we have Christmas in bed?"

"We can," Amanda replied and her fingers brushed through Olivia's hair. On their days off the older woman struggled more with getting up in the morning than Amanda did. She was usually the one to slip out from under the covers, go downstairs and make coffee before bringing it back upstairs with her. "But I'm afraid that the ham ain't gonna cook itself."

"Your mom can cook," Olivia groaned. "She loves it."

"Not at Christmas she doesn't," Amanda countered and chuckled. Her fingers trailed down Olivia's neck to her arms and Olivia lifted up her head so their eyes met. Amanda arched an eyebrow when Olivia pouted, making her look like a child that was trying to get its way with its favourite parent. Blue eyes glistened with amusement. "We invited everyone because we're the ones with the nice house and because they're our family."

A soft knock on the door made both detectives look up and Amanda turned her head. "Come in."

The door opened and Nancy Rollins poked her head around. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, mom!" Amanda smiled and felt Olivia's hands slide away from her stomach. She half and half wished that she hadn't but she knew Olivia was always a little bit conscious around Nancy, even though there was no real need to. Now that her mother had appeared in their bedroom doorway Amanda was once again reminded that Nancy made herself at home anywhere she went. "You sleep OK?"

"That bed is amazing," Nancy said as she walked into the room. She had put on her robe over her black silk pyjamas and now stood at the end of their bed. Her eyes flashed from Olivia to Amanda and she smiled. She'd been delighted when the two women invited her for Christmas. Olivia had picked her up from the airport three days ago when Amanda was unexpectedly called out to work. She'd been sleeping in the guest bedroom and had finished off her Christmas shopping together with Olivia, much to Amanda's amusement. It was nice to see her mother had bonded with her girlfriend.

"Who wants coffee?" Olivia asked as she kicked the covers away from her and Amanda. She was wearing simple grey sweatpants and a black tank top. Her brown curls cascaded down her shoulders and her bare feet made contact with the floor. She put a hand on Nancy's shoulder as she walked past her and the two women shared a smile.

"We should have coffee downstairs," Amanda said and slipped out of bed too. She grabbed a pair of socks and followed Olivia down the stairs.

When she walked into the living room Amanda's eyes lit up. In the few seconds head start she had, Olivia had switched on the lights in the Christmas tree and the radio. Frank Sinatra's deep and warm voice singing 'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas' came from the speakers and Amanda smiled as the scene unfolded before her eyes. Olivia stood by the Christmas tree and turned around when she recognised her girlfriend's footsteps on the stairs. Their gazes locked and they shared a moment of silence in which words weren't needed.

"I've got presents to put under the tree!" Nancy called from upstairs and Olivia and Amanda made their way into the kitchen as upstairs Amanda's mother was rummaging about.

To Amanda Christmas time was something magical. For years it had lost its beauty, mainly because of Kim, but it was since moving to New York that she enjoyed Christmas again. This was their first Christmas in their new house and their first proper Christmas with family and friends. She had been looking forward to it for weeks and now it was finally here. The house was covered in Christmas decorations and Amanda had hung a piece of string from the banister of the stairs. Nearly two dozen Christmas cards were attached to it. Olivia had stuck a wreath of holly to the front door.

Olivia switched on the coffee machine before walking to the fridge and began taking out all the things they needed to cook a Christmas dinner. Amanda switched on the oven and went about taking mugs from one of the cupboards. Their actions were almost synchronised and when they looked up they both smiled. Olivia had managed to corner Amanda against the counter and placed her hands on either side so the blonde couldn't move away.

"When are we goin' to tell her?" Amanda asked, her blue eyes reflecting love and excitement.

"I think it would be nice if we did it when everyone's here," Olivia smiled.

Amanda nodded. "I can't believe we're actually goin' to do it."

"I know," Olivia whispered and kissed Amanda on the tip of her nose. "We're going to have a baby."

It had been a natural decision to make. After Amanda's undercover operation and the weeks that followed, their lives had been turned upside down. They moved into the house by the end of August but Olivia quickly realised that Amanda was struggling with the demons of her time undercover. She'd wake up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat, after yet another nightmare. The recovery from what she'd been forced to do and what she'd seen had been slow. Olivia suggested counselling but Amanda had rejected it at first. Olivia didn't resent the stubbornness but she hoped that Amanda would eventually see that she needed help dealing with what had happened to her. In a way she was like the victims they dealt with on a daily basis and one morning in September Olivia had found her curled up on the couch, crying. After that she'd started her first counselling sessions and as the weeks went on Olivia had started to see the change in Amanda. Eventually she recognised her again and she got the woman she'd fallen in love with back.

It had been Amanda who mentioned the desire to have a baby around November. They'd talked about it not long after her undercover operation had ended and it was something Olivia wanted more than anything but to hear those words come from Amanda when they were lying in each other's arms one night, had brought tears to her eyes. They made the decision there and then and went about doing their research without telling anyone.

Nobody knew that they had already spoken to one of the sperm banks in Manhattan about finding a donor. This time they walked through the door as a couple that actually wanted to have a baby. They had chosen their donor but other than that they hadn't done anything else. There were still medical tests that needed to be performed and things they needed to talk about but the process had been started. Today, on Christmas Day, they were going to tell their family and friends about their plans and Olivia for one couldn't wait to see the look on Nancy's face. The older Rollins' woman had made no secret of her desire to become a grandmother and since Kim was most likely never going to give her a grandchild, she had focused her attention on Amanda and Olivia.

"You know mom is going to be all over us once we tell her, don't you?" Amanda smiled when she noticed the absent look in Olivia's eyes. Every so often it happened and she knew that her girlfriend was remembering the months leading up to this moment. It hadn't been easy. Nothing about their relationship had been easy. To even stand here, on Christmas Day, felt like a miracle to her. They had made it through the hardships and they were about to start a new chapter in their lives. The demons would always be there, lingering in the background, but they were never going to let them back in.

"I know," Olivia answered and brushed a strand of hair out of Amanda's eyes. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

Nancy came down the stairs carrying several bags of presents and Amanda left the kitchen to help her. Olivia watched the two women walk into the living room and smiled to herself. The relationship between Amanda and Nancy had changed after the shooting last year. Amanda appreciated Nancy more and Nancy had learnt to see that Amanda was independent and strong. She was the complete opposite of Kim.

Some people had all the bad luck when it came to being born into families with problems. Neither of them had done particularly well on that point but Olivia knew that she and Amanda would be better than that. They knew what type of parents they didn't want to be, they knew what had been done to them and how wrong their lives had been at times. If they were fortunate enough to have a child, Olivia knew that they would do things better.

With a smile she picked up the three mugs of coffee and walked into the living room. Amanda was sitting on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, rearranging the pile of presents. Olivia didn't remember buying half of them and furrowed her brow. "Where did all of these come from?"

"Mom," Amanda grinned as she managed to stack three boxes on top of each other without them falling over. "I think she bought next year's presents too."

Olivia handed Nancy her coffee before sitting down. Their living room was cosy with light oak furniture and two brown couches with cream pillows. A matching armchair stood by the window. The curtains matched the pillows and a mirror hung above the large side board against the wall, reflecting the lights from the Christmas tree. A tray of candles stood on the coffee table and a journal on forensic criminology lay next to it. Amanda had been reading it before going to bed the previous night.

"What time's Alex gettin' here?" Amanda asked as she moved across the floor so she could rest her back against Olivia's knees.

Olivia glanced up at the clock on the wall. "She said she'd be here for eleven."

"Four people trying to cook a Christmas dinner," Nancy joked. "Do I need to call the emergency services?"

"We _are_ the emergency services, mom," Amanda smiled. "I'm sure we'll manage."

"We'll be fine," Olivia said. "We're family."

~()~

Two hours later the Benson-Rollins was alive with music, voices and the sounds of pots and pans being moved around in the kitchen. Olivia and Amanda had taken a quick shower and were now standing in the kitchen. Olivia had just put the ham in the oven and wiped her hands on one of the tea towels. She turned around to check on Amanda cutting the carrots and smiled when she saw the frown of concentration on her face. Dressed in a pair of worn out jeans that were ripped at the knees and a simple grey sweater and with her hair bound in a ponytail, Amanda looked completely engrossed in her job.

"Try not to cut your fingers off," Olivia smirked as her hands ghosted across her girlfriends' waist and Amanda jumped under the unexpected touch. "Bloody fingertips don't go well with Christmas dinners."

"Stop winding me up, Liv!" Amanda laughed. "Make yourself useful and go peel the potatoes."

"I quite like what I'm doing now," Olivia whispered and her hands slid down to Amanda's stomach. "I can't stop thinking what you'll look like with a baby in here."

"Fat and grumpy," Amanda replied and turned around, holding her knife at eye level. Blue eyes glistened with mischief and a smile tugged at her cheeks. "And that last one I'll be taking out on you, Olivia Benson. Every single day for nine long months. I hope you're ready."

"Look what I found outside!" Nancy called from the front door and Olivia and Amanda looked up. A gust of cold wind rushed into the house, making the hairs on Olivia's arms stand up. Alex followed Nancy into the house, brushing the snowflakes off her coat and shaking them out of her hair. When she looked up a beaming smile graced her face and she took off her glasses when they steamed up.

"Merry Christmas!"

Olivia and Amanda abandoned their cooking and they both hugged Alex. She was cold and slightly damp to the touch and Olivia quickly took her coat and put it away. Amanda and Alex walked into the living room and Alex eyed up the immense pile of presents under the tree.

"Don't ask," Amanda grinned when she saw the other woman look. "My mother."

"Is there any room for mine?" the blonde prosecutor asked as she put the bag she'd been carrying down. "You're going to need a bigger living room."

Olivia returned and watched how Amanda and Alex put away the presents under the tree. It was still a little strange to see the two women side by side. They'd become good friends over the last few months but every so often Olivia was struck by the fact that she knew both these women well, intimately well. She didn't know if Alex or Amanda ever thought about this but sometimes she would look at them when they were talking to each other and it just struck her. Alex was perhaps her best friend in this whole world and the blonde ADA still read her like an open book. She was grateful that Alex had been happy for her and Amanda and their friendship had blossomed once again.

A few weeks ago Alex had started dating another lawyer who worked for the DA's office. Her name was Kate but things were still very new and Kate had gone to spend Christmas with her family in Colorado so Olivia had invited Alex to come over to their house. Seeing the joy and happiness in her eyes when she talked about Kate made Olivia happy. She wanted Alex to feel the way she did, to have someone to come home to at night after a long day and she hoped Kate would be that person for her. She'd met her a couple of times and she liked her a lot. She was driven, just like Alex, but she came from a large family with lots of brothers and sisters and she even mentioned the idea of settling down one day, with the right person. The look in Alex's eyes had been one of happiness. She too wanted nothing more than just that, even if it was hard to see beneath the mask of the focused and driven ADA.

"Now," Alex said and turned around to look at Olivia. "Something tells me there is a Christmas dinner that needs to be cooked." Blue eyes met brown. "Have you blown up the kitchen yet?"

"Hey, I can cook!" Olivia protested.

Alex arched an eyebrow. "Anything that has a label on it that says how to long to put it in the microwave for isn't cooking, Liv."

"See for yourself," Olivia said and Alex followed her and Amanda to the kitchen. "Amanda's been cutting carrots and I put the ham in the oven."

Alex shook her head and pointed at the dial. "It would help if you actually turned the oven _on_, Olivia."

The brunette detective rolled her eyes but turned the dial anyway. Then she stepped back and Alex looked around the kitchen. Nancy joined them and took some of the vegetables and a chopping board to the table. Amanda joined her with her carrots and Alex went about peeling the potatoes whilst Olivia began preparing the pumpkin pie.

For a little while nobody spoke and all that could be heard was Nat King Cole singing O Holy Night. When Olivia looked up and her eyes lingered on the people in the kitchen with her, she smiled. This was Christmas and this was her family. This was what she had always wanted and now it was finally here. She had found what she'd been looking for. She had found her family.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** Hey ya'll, thanks for all the reviews and follows so far! We're staying in the Christmas mood for now and we're picking up where chapter 1 left off. We're meeting another old familiar face in this story, someone who didn't make an appearance at all in Heart of Stone but who did show up in Heart of Glass. It felt a little bit unfinished and I felt that it deserved a little bit more of a proper ending. Enjoy and let me know what you think in that little box at the bottom of the page!

* * *

**Chapter 2**

_You've given me all you have and more  
And no one else has ever shown me how  
To see the world the way I see it now  
~Shawn Colvin - Never Saw Blue Like That__**  
**_

By the end of the afternoon the house smelled of freshly cooked ham, roasted vegetables and mould wine, thanks to the scented candles Olivia had lit ten minutes earlier. Christmas tunes were still playing through the speakers, only adding to the already warm and inviting atmosphere of the house. Amanda and Alex had decorated the table and the blonde detective was now admiring the end result, hands on her hips. When she felt Olivia's arms snake around her waist she turned her head to steal a kiss. Blue eyes met brown.

"It looks beautiful," Olivia whispered and smiled.

"Just like you," Amada answered.

Olivia was dressed in a low cut dark red dress that finished just above her knees. She wore flat pumps in the same colour and had tied her hair up with a few strands falling playfully down the sides of her face. A fine golden necklace hung around her neck, complimented by the matching earrings and bracelet. It had been a birthday present from Amanda and Olivia only wore them at special occasions. Today was one of those occasions.

"Where are mom and Alex?" Amanda asked as she let her hands trail up along Olivia's arms, enjoying the feeling of goose bumps appearing across Olivia's skin. She loved how her touch could do this to the other woman.

Olivia smiled. "Upstairs. Alex was just doing her hair." Her brown eyes raked over Amanda's slender frame. Whenever she looked at her these days she tried to imagine her with a baby bump but the image hadn't yet formed in her head. Ever since they had decided they were going to go for it, she'd felt butterflies in her stomach. She was excited as well as scared. Now that she looked at Amanda, dressed in a light blue dress that crossed over her shoulders and came together in the back of her neck she could finally see it and a smile spread across her lips.

"What?" Amanda asked sheepishly as she brushed a strand of hair behind her ears. "Why are you lookin' at me like that?"

"Nothing," Olivia grinned.

They were interrupted by a knock on the front door and Olivia's head whipped around. It had started snowing again an hour ago and the snowflakes danced outside the darkened windows. Everything about the atmosphere felt magical and it couldn't be more perfect. She had never experienced Christmas like this. She let her hand ghost down Amanda's arm before starting for the door. Above her head she heard footsteps and seconds later Nancy and Alex descended down the stairs.

Olivia reached the door and opened it, inviting in the cold wind and a dusting of snow. Nick Amaro stood outside, a bottle of red wine and a bag of presents in his head. Snowflakes covered his coat and his hair and Olivia quickly stepped aside to let him into the warmth. As she was about to close the door and hug her partner she spotted the three other figures walking up the path and held the door so Fin, Munch and Cragen could come in.

Amanda came over and took their coats before passing them to Olivia to put away. They hugged and exchanged quick pleasantries before walking back into the living room where they were greeted by Nancy and Alex. The blonde attorney almost immediately sought out Cragen and the older man enveloped her in his arms. Over the years they had struck up a friendship that had lasted and was only strengthened by Alex's time in Witness Protection.

"You look amazing," Nick complimented Amanda and her cheeks flushed a light shade of scarlet. Their gazes met. "Thank you for inviting me."

"You're family," Amanda answered. Knowing that Nick and his wife were still attempting to work out the kinks in their marriage she and Olivia had decided to invite him, in case he wouldn't be able to see his daughter this year. When he accepted their invitation they had both understood that whatever it was that he and his wife were working out couldn't be forgotten about just because it was Christmas and now he was here, standing in their living room, because they wanted him to be included in all of this. He was their friend, their family.

"Did Liv do all the cooking?" Munch asked, resulting in an eye roll from the woman in question.

"If it had been up to Liv, the ham would have been raw," Alex joked and dodged the playful hand that attempted to hit her on the shoulder.

There was another knock on the door and Olivia glanced at Amanda. The blonde nodded and the older woman broke away from the group to answer. The nerves settled in her stomach in the few steps that it took for her to walk to the front door and she became suddenly aware of the cold metal of the door handle underneath her fingers. She opened the door, feeling the cold wind against her face and blinked against the bright porch light.

"Hey, Liv."

It had been a long time since Olivia had last seen Casey Novak. In fact, it had been over a year since their paths had last crossed. The red-haired ADA had gone her own way not long after Amanda got shot and although she promised to stay in touch, the business of their jobs eventually forced them further and further apart. It was only when Olivia heard that Casey had moved back to New York that month that she called her again, realising that she had missed her more than she had realised. They didn't get a chance to meet up until now. Christmas really was the time to bring people back together. Casey had been one of her best friends and although their relationship had been more than that at one time, they both knew that times had changed.

"Casey."

Olivia's eyes snapped up to find kind green ones looking back at her and the tension that had been building up inside of her just slipped away. She smiled and wrapped Casey up in her arms whilst kicking the door shut with her foot. Casey smelt of cold outside winter weather and some expensive perfume and Olivia buried her face in the younger woman's neck when she felt Casey's arms close around her back, pulling her closer.

"I missed you," Olivia admitted as they parted and their gazes locked.

"The feeling's mutual," Casey answered and for a few seconds they just looked at each other. "It's good to see you, Olivia."

"I'd recognise that husky voice anywhere," said Fin and Olivia turned around before stepping away from Casey so that everyone else could say hello. She found Amanda and the two women moved away from the crowd and made their way into the kitchen. When Olivia didn't speak immediately Amanda allowed her the space she obviously needed and it wasn't until Olivia took the ham out of the oven and put it on the table that she finally spoke.

"I'm glad she's here," Olivia said.

Amanda nodded ad their eyes found each other. "Me too."

Olivia had told her that both Casey and Alex had been there for her after she got shot and although she never got a chance to thank Casey for picking Olivia up from the bar in Chelsea, she was very grateful for her intervention. Without either one of those two women they wouldn't be here right now. She owed them the life she was living now and Amanda vowed that she would tell both Casey and Alex this when the time was right.

"We should start," Olivia said as she looked at the cooked ham on the table.

"Dinner's ready!" Amanda bellowed and the brunette detective chuckled when their friends and family came walking into the kitchen, talking and laughing amongst themselves. Olivia watched with pride and joy how everyone took their seats and Cragen and Munch began pouring glasses of wine whilst Amanda walked back into the kitchen to pick up the vegetables. This was how Christmas was supposed to be.

~()~

Almost two hours later everybody had finally finished eating. The wine bottles were empty, the plates were only filled with tiny amounts of left overs and the vegetable bowls were all empty and the cooked ham had been devoured. Christmas tunes were still playing in the background but the playlist had started on its fourth round that day already. People's content faces reflected happiness and judging from the snippets of conversation that she picked up whilst putting the final touch to her first ever pumpkin pie Olivia could tell that everyone had enjoyed their Christmas dinner.

Amanda pushed her chair away from the table and joined Olivia in the kitchen. She took some plates out of the cupboard and put them down beside the older woman before leaning in. Bright blue eyes met coffee coloured brown and she smiled. "I think now would be a good moment to make our little announcement."

Olivia nodded and her hand found Amanda's. "I think now would be a perfect moment."

With their hands linked together they walked back to the dining table and Amanda picked up an empty wine glass and tapped it with a knife. The sharp sound silenced the conversations around the table and various sets of eyes snapped in their direction. Suddenly she became very aware of everyone looking at her. She was used to dealing with perps and other scumbags but the kind, questioning eyes from her friends and family suddenly made that she felt self-conscious. She glanced at Olivia.

"Amanda and I have somethin' we'd like to share with all of you," Olivia said and she felt Amanda's hand become clammy. She squeezed it in support. The butterflies in her stomach were back and she felt excited.

Fin looked around the table. "It's Christmas so it's gotta be somethin' good."

"You're getting married?" Munch guessed, drawing laughter from the other occupants at the table.

Amanda's eyes snapped up at him. "No!" She then glanced at Olivia, a sly smile playing around her lips when she discovered the suddenly bright red cheeks. "But we can talk about it, right?"

Olivia shrugged but her brown eyes twinkled with amusement. "I'm sure we can."

"So if you're not getting married, it's gotta be something else that's good," Munch said and shared a look with Fin. "Liv's retiring?"

"Shut up, John," Olivia countered. "I'm not going anywhere for a while. You'll have to push me out of SVU in a wheelchair."

"You, retiring?" Nick asked and grinned. "Never! You'll be chasing perps down the street with a zimmer frame."

Amanda glanced at Olivia. The banter had eased some of their initial nerves and now that the conversation and laughter at the table died down again she looked back at them. Her eyes almost immediately singled out Nancy and when she saw the look in her mother's eyes she knew that Nancy already knew. Amanda smiled, as if to acknowledge Nancy's thoughts, and when she saw the tears well up in those blue eyes, she felt a surge of happiness in her chest.

"Liv and I have decided that we're goin' to have a baby."

The room erupted in cheers and people got up out of their chairs to congratulate them. The first one to reach Amanda was her mother and when she felt Nancy's arms around her she suddenly felt like a little girl again. Their relationship had been troubled while she was growing up but they were different people now. They had changed, life around them had changed, and Amanda had begun to understand what Nancy had endured while she and Kim were growing up. She no longer resented her mother. In fact, she admired her. Now that she rested her head on her mother's shoulder and felt her hands in her hair, Amanda realised for the very first time how much she really loved her.

"You're going to be an amazing mother," Nancy whispered. Her words were laced with tears and she kissed Amanda's cheek, her ear and a random part of her neck. "You are going to be absolutely amazing."

"Thanks, mom," Amanda answered when Nancy held her at an arm's length and their eyes found each other. "I've had a great teacher."

As the initial excitement settled down they all decided to eat their pumpkin pie in the living room. People brought their drinks along and found a seat on the couch, the arm chair or the floor. Amanda, not very graciously considering she was wearing a dress, slid down to the ground and managed to cross her legs to keep some of her dignity. She sipped from her red wine, while she still could, and lost herself in a conversation with Alex and Nick about parenting and local school choices.

Olivia had gone upstairs to wash her face and freshen up and stood by the bedroom window, lookin out over the snow covered world outside. The lights behind the windows of all the houses in the streets were on and she could see shadows move behind the glass. People were enjoying spending time together. The sound of laughter coming from downstairs filled her heart with joy and erased the sense of loss she felt about being unable to share this with her own mother. Although Serena Benson had been hardly Mother of the Year, she'd had her good moments and at times like these Olivia did miss her. It wasn't often that she allowed thoughts about her mother to slip back into her mind but on days like today it felt like a natural thing to do. For all her flaws, her mother hadn't been all bad.

"Penny for them?" asked a voice behind her and Olivia turned around to find Casey leaning against the bedroom door, wine glass in hand. Kind, warm green eyes met hers and Olivia smiled, the sadness in her eyes not completely gone by the time Casey joined her by the window.

"Just thinking about my mom."

"She would have been proud of you, Liv," Casey said and she too glanced out onto the snow covered paradise outside.

"I'm not so sure about that," Olivia admitted. "But I try not to let that bother me." She swallowed and turned to look at the red haired woman standing beside her. They'd talked over dinner and Casey had told her all about her new job in Boston. She was now the ADA for the Homicide department, something she had wanted in New York before being given SVU. Casey had admitted to wanting, even needing, a change in her life. Boston was the change she had needed. "I'm glad you came, Casey."

"Me too," Casey smiled but Olivia could see the sadness she was trying to hide behind the mask. There was something that the younger woman wasn't telling her. "I really liked Boston but New York's my home." She stared down into her half empty wine glass. "I'm sorry I didn't call."

"I'm just as guilty as you are. Life's got a habit of getting in the way. Long days, all hours. We see our fair share of darkness and depravity when we leave the safety and comfort of our home. When we come back we don't want to think about the things we have to do, we just want to forget about what we have seen," Olivia said softly. Her slender fingers drew figures on the windowsill. Brown eyes searched for green. "What made you come back?"

"No matter how much you try to deny something, eventually it always catches up with you," Casey replied. "I had to come back to New York because this is where I belong. I secured a transfer to Brooklyn and came back at the first chance I got. Boston was nice but…" The look in her eyes changed and for a moment Olivia recognised the young attorney she had met up with night after night when cases went bad and neither of them could bear to face their demons alone. Casey swallowed. "I'm happy to see things worked out for you and Amanda."

Olivia tilted her head. "What about you, Case?"

"Most days I think that love isn't for me." Casey averted her gaze and the hardened expression returned on her face. The cold mask of someone's whose heart had been broken one too many times slid back in place. "Amanda's good for you, Liv. I see how she makes you smile. No one ever managed to make your eyes smile the way she does." She looked up. The honesty between them was unexpected. "Not even Alex."

"Casey…"

"Don't say it, Liv. I came today because I knew you wanted to see me. I didn't come here thinking that you and I had any chance of carrying on the way we used to be. Things changed when Amanda came into your life," Casey countered and covered Olivia's hand with her own. "I met someone in Boston. It lasted for a few months but then things got complicated. She's trying to work some things out but she wants to move to New York to be with me. Some day."

"That's wonderful, Casey," Olivia smiled. It was genuine. She wanted to see Casey happy. What they had shared had not been about love but it didn't change the fact that she cared deeply for the other woman. "I'd like to meet her some time."

"Maybe you will," Casey answered. "I just want you to know that I'm happy for you, Liv. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I know you and Amanda are going to be wonderful parents." She stepped closer to the dark haired woman and softly brushed a strand of hair out of Olivia's face. The touch of her fingertips against Olivia's cheek was both familiar and strange. "When I saw you deserve all the happiness in the world, I mean _every_ last bit of it."

Olivia didn't answer but instinctively leant in and kissed Casey on her cheek. Without speaking they then both looked away and gazed back out of the window at the snow falling outside. They remained where they were until Amanda's excited voice came from downstairs.

"Liv, come down here! We're openin' presents! If you don't come down here now I'm openin' yours too!"

The two women looked at each other and then made their way back down the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:** Little bit of a shorter one this time but I'm at work for the next two days and probably won't get a chance to update. I didn't want to leave you without a new chapter so I hope this little piece makes you all happy.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

_This time we go sublime_  
_ Lovers entwined divine divine_  
_ Love is danger, love is pleasure_  
_ Love is pure, the only treasure_  
_ I'm so in love with you_  
_Gabrielle Aplin - The Power Of Love**  
**_

Amanda felt Olivia's weight shift beside her and opened one eye. She could see the brunette sitting on the side of the bed. The moonlight falling into the bedroom illuminated the toned and muscled arms, accented only by the simple white tank top she wore to bed. Amanda reached out and her warm hands caressed the small of Olivia's back where her top had risen up. When she felt the older woman shiver under her touch she smiled to herself and scooted across the mattress before pressing her lips against Olivia's spine.

"Why are you awake?" Olivia asked softy when she turned her head to find Amanda looking up at her from the bed. "It's three in the morning."

"I was about to ask you the same thing," Amanda grinned. Her warm hand still circled the bottom of Olivia's spine, dipping all the way down to wear the hem of her girlie boxers began. Questioning blue eyes looked up at brown. The moonlight illuminated Olivia's face. "Nightmare?"

"Just over indulged," Olivia smiled and her hand pressed down on her stomach. "Too much food."

"What can I say," Amanda smiled as she arched an eyebrow. Her hand had come to a rest just above the curve of Olivia's hip and her slender fingers crept across the bare flesh towards her stomach. "I'm Southern. I like to cook food and feed people. Add Alex's cooking skills and my mother's need to feed a whole army and feeling bloated for the next week is the end result." Her hand found Olivia's. "Come back to bed. You'll feel better in the morning."

Olivia pulled her legs back up and crawled back into bed. She turned to look at Amanda and even in the darkness of the room she could see the sudden change in her face. A cold hand unexpectedly landed on Amanda's exposed stomach and the blonde suppressed a yelp. Olivia leant in, her lips close to Amanda's ear. "What if I want to feel better now?"

"I can help with that too," Amanda replied, her breath hitching in the back of her throat when Olivia's skilled fingers began circling her nipples through her shirt. Her back arched off the mattress a little and her teeth sank down in her lower lip. Olivia's fingers threaded Amanda's hair as she pulled her lover into a deeper kiss and when she felt the tip of Amanda's tongue press against her lips she eagerly opened up. Amanda shifted herself underneath Olivia until the older woman was lying on top of her, with her legs between Amanda's. Even while fully dressed Amanda could feel the heat radiating from Olivia's body.

Olivia's stomach did a double flip as Amanda's hands slid down across her back and began peeling the tank top away from her glowing flesh. Olivia lifted herself up long enough for Amanda to pull the shirt over her head and it ended across the room. Amanda's hands cupped Olivia's breasts and felt her girlfriend's nipples harden under her fingers. Olivia moaned softly when Amanda's leg pressed up against her core. Her hands began roaming Amanda's body and pushed the shirt up, revealing the perky breasts underneath.

Olivia whimpered softly when Amanda's nails scratched across her back and she reached the hem of her boxers. In a mess of tangled limbs Olivia lost her underwear and Amanda lost the sweatpants she'd been wearing. Their naked bodies fitted perfectly together and Olivia's heart was hammering against her chest when she felt Amanda's fingers lace her hair before giving a soft yank. The moan that the sudden mixture of pain and desire drew from her lips made Amanda chuckle. Their breasts were pressed against each other as their bodies moved against each other.

Olivia pressed her warm lips against Amanda's neck and felt her heart racing heart underneath her tongue. Her hands slid down Amanda's stomach down to her thighs and pushed her legs apart and up so that she could rest between them. Their cores were pressed against each other and Amanda's legs locked around Olivia's back, pulling her deeper into a fierce, passionate kiss. A fine layer of sweat covered their skin and Amanda's eyes, now various shades darker and reflecting love and desire, stared up at Olivia.

"Liv," Amanda whispered into Olivia's ear. Strands of brown hair tickled her face. "Touch me. Please."

Olivia's hand dipped between Amanda's legs and slender fingers slid through her slick folds. She watched with a coy smile as Amanda's eyes fluttered closed, the tip of her tongue wetting her lips as Olivia's index finger briefly caressed her clit. Amanda's hips bucked and a deep groan escaped her when Olivia slid two fingers inside of her without warning. She paused a moment, allowing Amanda to get used to the feeling of her being inside her and then she started pumping slowly. She wrapped her left arm around Amanda's neck, lifting her body up closer against her own. She hissed when Amanda's teeth grazed across her collar bone.

"Oh my God," Amanda whispered when Olivia's thumb pressed down against her clit and she sank her teeth down into her girlfriend's shoulder. She then fell back against the pillows and her eyes rolled back into her head. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly and her fingers dug into the sheets, her knuckles turning white. "Liv…"

Olivia chuckled softly to herself as she increased her rhythm and her speed. She dipped her head down to Amanda's chest and caught a nipple between her teeth. Amanda moaned in response and suddenly her eyes snapped shut. Olivia felt her lover's walls tighten around her fingers and she curled them inside Amanda in that special way she knew the blonde liked so much. She knew her lover's body well and leant in, circling her tongue across the spot just below her ear. Just breathing on it was enough to send Amanda over the edge.

"You are so beautiful," Olivia whispered when she felt Amanda spasm around her fingers. The orgasm spread through her lover's body like a tsunami wave and Amanda's back arched off the bed. Amanda shuddered as she came on Olivia's hand. The sensation of her girlfriend's muscles tightening around her fingers was enough to send Olivia into a wave of ecstasy of her own and she rested her body against Amanda's as the blonde slowly rode out the last waves of her orgasm.

"I love you," Amanda breathed when she finally regained control over her body. She looked up at Olivia and let her fingers trail down the older woman's face. "How is it that you become more beautiful every single day?"

"You bring out the best in me," Olivia smiled and kissed Amanda's nose. She carefully slid off her girlfriend's body and curled up beside her but before she could get too comfortable Amanda had rolled on top of her, pressing her knees down into the mattress on either side of her body. Passionate blue eyes loomed down at the older woman underneath her and without speaking she began leaving soft butterfly kisses across Olivia's glowing skin.

Olivia's hands fisted Amanda's blonde hair as her warm lips closed around a swollen nipple. She circled it with the tip of her tongue before grazing it with her teeth. She cupped Olivia's other breast in her hand and squeezed them softly. She had told the older detective many times how much she loved her breasts and when Olivia was felling particularly playful she'd wear something to work that would allow Amanda to look at them all day without being able to touch them. They never made it beyond the staircase when they got home from work.

Amanda's lips reached Olivia's belly button and she dipped her tongue into the shallow dip. She could taste the salty sweat on her lover's skin and she loved it. The scent of Olivia's arousal reached her nose and she smiled against the glowing flesh as she kissed her way down further. Olivia slowly pulled up her legs as Amanda slid down between her thighs. She kissed the inside of her lover's legs, inching closer and closer to her core. She managed to draw a gasp from Olivia's throat when she blew softly against the wet folds.

"'Manda..." Olivia breathed. Her hand rested at the back of her lover's head and she slowly pushed her further towards the spot where she wanted her most. "God, I need you."

The sound of Olivia's voice was intoxicating and Amanda let the tip of her tongue slide across the swollen, slick folds. Olivia hissed when Amanda found her clit and sucked down on it. She grasped a firm hold of the golden locks of hair and Amanda allowed the mixture of pain and lust overwhelm her. She lapped up the sweet juices of Olivia's core, circling the swollen bundle of nerves with her tongue, grazing against it with her teeth every so often. Olivia's breathing became more and more irregular and she hissed and moaned as Amanda's tongue flicked against her.

"Inside," she managed to utter and moaned in delight when Amanda slid two fingers deep inside of, curling against her walls.

"Fuck!" she unexpectedly cried out when she reached her climax and her body slid over the edge and off into the pool of sheer delight. Stars danced before her eyes as her heart exploded in her chest. Her muscles were straining and her legs were shaking as the orgasm spread through her body. Amanda's tongue still circled her swollen, hard clit and her fingers were still pumping inside of her. The orgasm lasted and lasted and she whimpered in a mixture of delight and pain when she hit the second wave. By now she was positively trembling and Amanda almost immediately pulled away from her.

She pushed herself back up the bed and curled herself around Olivia's still trembling body before pulling the sheets around their bodies. Olivia turned her head and their gazes locked. Amanda's arm snaked around her waist and she rested her head against Olivia's chest.

"I love you," Olivia whispered. Her brown eyes searched Amanda's face. "Some days I look at you and I wonder what I did to deserve you."

"You deserve all the good things in this world, Liv," Amanda breathed against her ear. "All of it." Olivia suddenly chuckled and Amanda arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"We forgot to be quiet," she said softly. "Your mom's sleeping in the room across the hall."

Amanda felt her cheeks redden even though there was no one here other than Olivia to see her embarrassment. She grinned. "We're grown women, Olivia. Having my mom stay here doesn't change anythin' about our relationship."

Olivia nodded. "She seemed really happy when we said we're going to have a baby."

"She is," Amanda mused and her fingers drew circles across Olivia's stomach. She looked up at her girlfriend. Olivia had folded a hand beneath her head and was staring at the ceiling. Amanda's soft lips caressed her skin. "Have you thought about it much since we made that decision?"

"I don't think I've stopped thinking about it."

"Really?"

"Really." Olivia turned to look at Amanda. "What about you?"

"Just the crazy stupid stuff," Amanda admitted and a shy smile tugged at her cheeks as she finally admitted to the thoughts that had been running through her head. "The frustrations about being put on desk duty because I can't go chasin' after perps no more. Buying a nursery set and not bein' able to decide which one to get." She paused, having reached the one thing about becoming a parent that worried her the most. "I'm scared I won't know what to do. What if I don't know when it's hungry or tired?"

"They'll let you know," Olivia grinned. "Last I checked, babies cry when they want something."

"Aren't you scared?" Amanda asked softly.

"Terrified," Olivia admitted. She took a deep breath. "When I was looking into adoption a few years ago, all I kept thinking was that I wanted to be a better parent to the child than my own mother had been. When they turned me down…" She paused. The pain of being rejected was something she had never really dealt with. Not many people knew. "At some point I believed I had lost my chance of ever becoming a parent."

"You'll be amazing," Amanda whispered. "I've seen how good you are with kids, Liv. They love you. If I were to put you in a room full of kids they'd be on your lap in no time." She smirked. "It's me they're runnin' away from."

They knew about the sacrifices they had to make to have this baby. Amanda would have to be assigned to a desk job the minute the pregnancy test came back positive. She could only interview suspects when they were deemed safe. She was allowed to talk to victims only when the situation was considered clear and only when another detective was present. Doing things on her own was over from the moment she'd find out she was pregnant. It would get in the way of her career but she had realised that after transferring to New York that working her way up the promotion ladder wasn't what she wanted. Olivia on the other hand had started thinking about getting the promotion, knowing that it meant that her hours would become more regular and she could spend more time at home with her family. Cragen showed no signs of retiring yet but this was the first time she really did consider taking his place if the position became available. If nothing else, Captain Olivia Benson did have a nice ring to it.

"I've been thinkin' about somethin' else," Amanda said softly and took a deep breath. "Schizophrenia can be a hereditary disease. Kim's not the only member of my family to suffer from it."

"If we start thinking about all the things that could go wrong or if we're going to wait for the right moment to have a child, we're never going to have one," Olivia said and brushed her fingers through Amanda's hair. "I know you can do this, honey. You should have a little bit more faith in yourself."

"I know," Amanda whispered and her eyes lazily closed. With her head still resting against Olivia's shoulder she drifted off into a quiet, peaceful slumber and Olivia wrapped her arm around Amanda before pulling the covers a little further over them. As she slipped off into a land of dreams the alarm clock pointed at a quarter to four in the morning and outside the snow started falling again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note:** Hey guys, here I am again! I actually wrote this chapter really quick – it was surprisingly easy considering I know what Olivia and Amanda are going to have to go through. I think I had written down in less than an hour, whilst cooking dinner in the meanwhile too. Most of what Amanda and Olivia are doing in this chapter I have taken from my own experiences. I don't know if this is exactly how they do things in the States but it is how things are/were done here in England. It was kind of personal to write but it was also slightly therapeutic. Anyway, enjoy the next story and I hope to have another one a little later this week. Oh and enjoy SVU tonight! I won't be able to watch it until late on Thursday evening. *cries."

* * *

**Chapter 4**

_In a world that's breaking,_  
_where nothing is for keeps,_  
_Oh, this is us, this is love,_  
_and this is where I sleep_  
_~Emeli Sande - Where I Sleep**  
**_

It took a few days for the post-Christmas buzz to wear off. They spent the next three days eating left over foods and working their way through boxes of chocolates that just seemed to be never ending. The unfortunate thing about Christmas being over was that Olivia and Amanda were both called into work, on different times and for different cases. They were no longer allowed to work cases together with them both being the lead or primary detective and they were also not allowed to perform interviews together. Other than that, as long as their paperwork was done correctly and nobody had any reason to question their motives, they were allowed to assist when needed.

The thing about the holidays is that people are spending a lot of time together with people they do not normally spend large amounts of time with. People are forced into the same rooms with family members they don't know or can't stand. They have a few drinks, eat a little bit too much food… fact of the matter was that crime rates over the holiday season soared instead of dropped. No such thing as peace on earth in New York. By Boxing Day the reported number of murders had tripled and the numbers of calls concerning domestic abuse were of the scales. Alcohol was nobody's friend.

Amanda rubbed the back of her head as she put the last hand to the paperwork on her desk. She and Fin had just finished interviewing a man in his late forties, with greasy hair and bad cologne. His niece had told her mother that he had touched her when she went to play with her Christmas toys in her bedroom. He denied it but the girl was adamant. Tests in the hospital showed that she had indeed been fondled and it looked like he was going to spend the next few Christmases behind bars.

"Done?" Olivia inquired from her own desk. She'd been chewing her pen and watching Amanda. The concentration was written across her face. Olivia admired the dedication her girlfriend put into her paperwork when she could only manage an attention span of ten minutes before feeling about ready to kill someone.

"Just about," Amanda answered and looked up. "Barba's goin' to have a field day when he gets back."

"Barba actually took time off?" Olivia asked and arched an eyebrow. "I thought he was going to celebrate Christmas in his office."

"He's going to wish he had when he sees all the perverts we busted over the holidays," Fin replied and chucked his own paperwork on his desk. "Sick bastard just signed his confession."

Nick looked up. "How many does that make?"

"Today?" Fin asked. "Four." He sighed. "This week? Fifteen."

"I don't get why people just can't contain themselves for a few days," Nick groaned. "Spending time with your family should be the most beautiful thing about Christmas and they go round killing each other."

Munch snorted. "You ever tried spending time with any of my family members? You'd be killing them too!"

Olivia's eyes darted to the clock and Amanda saw her look. She'd been watching the hands move across its face for most of the day and the closer they came to four o'clock in the afternoon, the more nervous she became. She and Olivia had an appointment at the fertility clinic they were going to use to try and have a baby. When she woke up that morning she hadn't been nervous at all but now that the hands on the clock pointed at a quarter to three, the butterflies in her stomach started. She was supposed to go undergo some of her medical tests today as well, just to make sure that her body was physically well enough to cope with a possible pregnancy. Amanda didn't have any dobts that her body was in fact perfectly ready but the tests were just to rule out any unexpected problems.

"We should probably get changed," Olivia suggested when she averted her eyes from the clock and her gaze found Amanda's. "Traffic's going to be a bitch at this time of day."

Amanda nodded and pushed her chair away from her desk after putting her signature underneath her paperwork. She followed Olivia to the locker room and once they were alone, the older woman turned around and looked at Amanda. The blonde detective immediately recognised the nerves in Olivia's eyes and closed the distance between them before enveloping her in her arms. She kissed the side of Olivia's neck and smiled against her skin.

"It's goin' to be fine," she reassured her.

"I should be telling you that," Olivia answered. "You're the one being poked and prodded later."

"They could bleed me dry if that's what it took."

"I do think you need at least some of your blood, Manda."

Amanda just grinned and opened her locker. She took out a clean long sleeved white shirt and pulled the black turtle neck she was wearing over her head. As she did so she caught her reflection in the mirror and looked at herself, trying to imagine for a moment what she would look like with a baby bump. A smile spread across her face without her realising it and she didn't move until she felt Olivia's warm hands on her bare shoulders.

"I keep looking at you like that," she whispered and kissed Amanda's earlobe. "I can't believe we are going to be a family."

"I know," Amanda mused and began pulling her clean shirt over her head. As she pulled it down across her stomach the tips of her fingers grazes across the skin and she shivered, realising that there was a good chance that soon she'd be able to feel a baby move inside of her.

She had never really considered the idea of becoming a parent until she met Olivia. She'd been focused on her job and being a detective didn't exactly go hand in hand with becoming a parent. She'd never considered herself to be the maternal type but the feelings suddenly overwhelmed her now. Some people say that for years they didn't feel like they'd ever become parents until they met that one person who changed their minds and their hearts. Olivia was that person for her. It was being with Olivia that made her want to become a mother. She wanted them both to be mothers. They had moved into this large family home and they were ready to fill it with the sound of children's laughter.

"We should go," Olivia said softly as she buttoned up her coat and wrapped her scarf around her neck. She closed her locker and leant against it, waiting for Amanda to finish off too. The blonde put on her coat, fiddled with her scarf before giving up and slammed the door. The lock clicked and she grabbed her handbag of the wooden bench behind her. Blue eyes found Olivia's brown and the two women linked their hands before leaving the locker room.

~()~

The fertility clinic was in the Upper East Side and Olivia found a parking space around the back of the building. She and Amanda walked in through the front door and entered a brightly lit waiting room. Pictures of happy families, in all different shapes, sizes and colours, decorated the walls. Olivia saw heterosexual couples, gay and lesbian couples, all smiling and all holding at least one and in some cases even two or three babies. She felt her heart flutter at the mere thought that she and Amanda could soon be one of these smiling couples. They approached the front desk, their hearts beating in their throats, and the young girl behind it looked up. A smile graced her pretty face when she saw the two women.

"Good afternoon, how may I help you today?"

"Olivia Benson and Amanda Rollins," Olivia said and shared a look with Amanda. "We have an appointment with doctor Williams."

"Please, take a seat," the girl said and typed something into her computer. Her smile remained perfectly intact. "He'll be with you in a few minutes."

Olivia and Amanda walked into the waiting room and took a seat. A pile of magazines lay on the side table. Most of them talked about fertility treatments. More professional pictures of happy families decorated the walls. A large board was covered with 'thank you' cards and baby photos taken by clients and patients who had been fortunate enough to conceive a child. Olivia looked at Amanda and their gazes locked.

"That could be us soon," Olivia whispered and her hand squeezed Amanda's. "I never believed I'd ever get to this point." She swallowed. "I've heard my biological clock tick for years. I didn't think I'd ever..." Tears suddenly glistened in her eyes and she looked down at their locked hands. "If it wasn't' for you, I don't think I'd ever come this close to becoming a mother. When I had Calvin for a little while…"

"I understand," Amanda replied. Her fingers traced figures across the back of Olivia's hand. "I know what you went through, Olivia. When I was a little girl, I dreamt about havin' this big family. Everythin' that my family never was. Happy, joyful, caring… I wanted all of that. When I realised I was gay, I wasn't sure if I could ever achieve it and I gave up on that dream." She took a deep breath. "I didn't feel that desire again until I met you."

Olivia's brown eyes lit up. "Really?"

"I never felt it when I was with Carrie. I never felt it with anyone but you." Amanda smiled and her blue eyes danced around the room, lingering on the picture of two women holding a set of sleeping twins. "It's something' about you, Olivia Benson. Just somethin' about you."

"Olivia Benson and Amanda Rollins?" called a man's voice and the two women looked up in surprise.

Doctor David Williams was a man in his early fifties, with slight stubble across his cheeks. He was wearing a white doctor's coat over a pair of grey slacks and a black blouse. He had short cropped brown hair and kind light brown eyes. A few lines had started to form around his eyes and mouth. He had a slight tan, as if he'd just come back from a holiday in the sun somewhere. He smiled when he saw the two women stand up and extended his hand. Olivia and Amanda shook it.

"Shall we talk in my office?" he asked and the two detectives followed him down the hallway. The expensive lino reflected the light. The walls were painted in a soft cream, decorated with expensive pieces of art. At the end of the corridor, two large plants stood in silver plant pots underneath a window.

Doctor Williams opened the door to his office and stepped aside to let the two women in. As he closed the door behind them he turned around. "Please, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable. I'm sure you're nervous enough as it is. Can I get you anything? Coffee, water?"

"Water, please," Amanda said and glanced at Olivia. She nodded. "For both of us."

Williams filled two cups from the water tank in the corner of his office and he walked over to his desk, handing the drinks to the two detectives. He then sat down in the comfortable arm chair, clicked something on his laptop and glanced at the screen. A page appeared and he double checked something before looking back at Olivia and Amanda. He folded his hands across his desk and smiled.

"So, how about we make a baby, eh?"

Olivia blinked but then smiled. "Yes." She seemed a little taken aback by the doctor's directness but at the same time it made her feel comfortable. He wasn't pretending it was anything other than what it was. Her hand found Amanda's again. "Yes, that's why we're here."

"Right, you're file states that you have already chosen a donor from our catalogue?" Williams asked.

Amanda nodded. "We came in a few weeks ago and spent an afternoon looking through the book. We found one that matched the type of donor we were looking for. Donor 214. Blonde hair, brown eyes, athletic, good education." She shrugged. "The type of donor most people would want, I guess."

"Sounds like an excellent choice." Williams looked at Amanda. "Am I correct in understanding that you will be the one carrying the child, Amanda?" When she nodded he carried on, his voice softer this time and he leant across his desk a little, as if to reassure her. "Did the receptionist tell you that you'll have to undergo some tests today?"

"She mentioned a blood screening and an ultra sound," Amanda answered.

Williams nodded. "The blood screening is to make sure that you are in a perfect condition to conceive. We'll also check for any immunisations you may have gotten or missed when you were a child. The ultra sound is to check your uterus and ovaries. We'll have a look at the number of follicles developing and make a guess on whether you may or may not need to take some drugs to stimulate the development of your eggs. I am afraid that the ultra sound will have to be performed internally, which can be a little unpleasant."

Amanda nodded but didn't flinch at the mention of the internal scan. "I understand."

"I'll get one of the nurses to set you up in one of the exam rooms and I'll be with you in a bit." He stood up and walked them out of his office and to a room across the hall. The door opened into a room about half the size of his office, with a gynaecological chair in the middle. An ultra sound machine was set up beside it.

"This is Dana," Williams said and introduced them to the red haired nurse sitting at the desk in the corner of the room. She stood up and shook Amanda's hand followed by Olivia's. "She'll get you ready and take your blood. When she's done, I'll come back to the ultra sound."

"Just roll up your sleeve and have a seat," Dana said and smiled.

Amanda did what she was asked and sat down on the chair next to the desk. Dana applied a strap around her lower arm and both women watched as the veins came up. Dana tapped one of them before picking up a syringe. She double checked the needle and then looked up at Amanda. "Not afraid of needles, are you?"

"Nope." Amanda smiled. "Go ahead."

"I'll be taken three vials," Dana said as she slowly pierced the needle through Amanda's skin and into the vein. Thick, burgundy liquid began to fill the first vial and the blonde detective watched with great interest how Dana quickly replaced the first vial for the second and eventually the third. Once she was done she pulled the needle out and pressed a piece of cotton against the hole in Amanda's skin. She strapped it in place with a plaster and smiled.

"All done. We'll be running some tests and if we find anything that needs looking at, we'll let you know in a few days. If we don't find anything, you can just come in on the next agreed date and we'll carry on with the treatment." Dana wrote Amanda's name, date of birth and the date she'd taken the blood on the vials and put them in a tray. She looked back up. "Now, this is going to be the less pleasant part. I need you to strip down from the waist and get on the table. You can cover yourself with a towel and I'll go and get Doctor Williams."

Olivia watched as Amanda stood up and unbuttoned her jeans. If she was uncomfortable about what she was about to do, she wasn't showing it. Olivia admired her for it. It wasn't an easy thing to have to go through and there was nothing more humiliating than stripping off in front of a stranger and spreading your legs for a doctor you didn't even know. Her brown eyes followed Amanda as she pulled herself up onto the chair and reached for the towel to cover herself back up, in an attempt to hold onto some modesty. There wasn't any and as Olivia sat down beside her, Amanda's hand safely in her own, she realised just exactly how much she loved her.

~()~

About half an hour later they were standing back outside and Amanda readjusted her jeans once again. The wind ruffled their hair. It was a bitter cold wind. Snow still covered parts of the sidewalks but most of it had been cleared away in the last couple of days but there was more still to come. Amanda chewed the inside of her cheek. The scan hadn't been particularly pleasant but it hadn't been as uncomfortable as she had expected. Her hand was safely linked with Olivia's and they walked back to their car. When Olivia slipped behind the wheel she turned to look at Amanda.

"I am so proud of you."

Amanda looked up and arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"That wasn't a very nice thing to have to do."

Amanda sighed. "Compared what some women have to go through, it was nothing. We're just going for insemination, Liv. Some women have to go through the hell of IVF. I consider myself lucky."

Olivia nodded. "You're right."

"So, how long you think we gotta wait?" Amanda asked as Olivia started the engine.

"Till the tests results come back? Just a couple of weeks."

"And then?"

"Then the real stuff starts." Olivia smiled. "Then we start to try and get you pregnant."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: **Took me a few days to get this up and running, especially since we were rudely denied an episode of SVU last week. Ya'll have been really kind with all your reviews and I really appreciate all the time and effort you guys put in telling me how this story makes you fee! Hope this one gets you all excited!**  
**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

_In the beginning there was nothing_  
_ So empty in the space between_  
_ And you came in, turned the lights on_  
_ And created what is came to be_  
_~Adele - Promise This**  
**_

It was New Year's Eve when the phone call came in that Amanda's blood tests were perfectly fine. She'd been working a case and was running on thirty-six hours without sleep but the message gave her that little boost of energy that she needed. When Cragen overheard her mention it to the rest of the guys, because Olivia was out with Amaro, he sent her home to catch some sleep. She'd tried to object but he didn't listen.

"You need your sleep while you can still get it, Detective," he reminded her. "Besides, your body needs to be healthy too. Go home, have a few hours." He smiled. "Call Liv."

"But…" Amanda started as she put on her jacket and began zipping it up. A small part of her was reluctant to leave, although the thought of her soft, comfortable bed was growing on her with every passing second. "Cap, its New Year's Eve. Shit's goin' to go down."

"And it will go down without you."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Get your ass home, Rollins."

She flashed a smile, slapped Fin on his back and grabbed her back from under her desk. She walked out of the SVU squad room feeling strangely energetic. The phone call had been the all clear. She knew what this meant. She knew that this was the moment that she and Olivia could really start trying to get pregnant. There were no guarantees of course. Even though her body was in good health and she didn't have any scary diseases or anything, there were still plenty of other reasons why she wouldn't get pregnant. She'd been taking her vitamins since she and Olivia decided to start a family but still, Amanda was cautious.

Amanda climbed into her car and dug her cell phone out of her pocket. Olivia's number was under speed dial number one and she hit it. As she put the device on the hands free set and turned up the volume of the speaker, she reserved the car out of the parking lot and manoeuvred her way into the busy New Year's Eve traffic. People were all on their way home and on a night like this, the city was flocked by tourists who would celebrate in Times Square. It was just after four in the afternoon but already the city felt more crowded than any other day.

"Hey, sweetie, everything OK?" Olivia's voice echoed through the car and Amanda subconsciously smiled.

"Yeah, fine," she answered as she indicated to turn right to avoid what looked like a massive traffic jam. "Cap's sent me home."

"What? Why? Are you allright?"

Always the caring, worrying one, Amanda thought. "Yeah, I'm fine," she answered. Her fingers drummed against the wheel. "More than fine actually. I had a phone call earlier. The clinic called to say that all the tests were clear." She took in a deep breath. "We can start tryin'."

"Oh my God." Amanda could hear the joy in Olivia's voice. "Baby, that's amazing!"

"I know, right?" Amanda answered. "Cap sent me home because I can't remember the last time I saw a bed. He told me to call you." She left the meaning of that comment between them, knowing full well that Olivia would understand what this meant. She could hear a voice in the background and guessed it was Nick. She wasn't sure exactly where they were. Their latest case had taken them to Chelsea. "I'm on my way now."

"I can meet you there in about forty minutes," Olivia said and there was a hint of excitement lacing her words. "We're just finishing up here. I'll ask Nick to drop me off at the subway."

Amanda looked at the traffic around her. It was moving at a snail pace and people seemed to become more and more irritable behind the wheel. Everyone had somewhere to go and for most of them that was probably a place where they would be together with family and friends. "Traffic's a disaster. You might get there before I do."

They ended their conversation and Amanda hung up. She switched on the radio, fiddled with the buttons for a little while before finding a station that didn't immediately annoy her. She turned up the volume and without really realising it she started singing along to Lady Antebellum's 'Need You Now."

It took a lot of patience but eventually she made it to Jackson Heights. Judging from the lights behind the window, Olivia had indeed made it home before she did. Amanda pulled the car into the drive, got out and made sure to avoid the fresh snow that had fallen throughout the day. Olivia had managed to clear a path to the front door in the short while that she had been home and when Amanda stepped into the house she smelt the fresh hot chocolate. She kicked her boots off by the door, leaving a trail of snow on the doormat, and padded into the living room. She found Olivia on the couch, two cups of steaming hot chocolate in front of her.

"Hey," Amanda smiled as she sat down beside her. A blanket covered Olivia's legs and she pulled it over her own. She leant in to kiss her girlfriend and relished in the scent of Olivia's perfume and the softness of her lips. Olivia's hands trailed up Amanda's arms as she kissed her back.

"Hi." Coffee coloured brown eyes met baby blue. "Traffic really was a bitch, eh?"

"This time of year it should be illegal to drive," Amanda groaned and reached for her mug. "I'm taking the subway from now on."

There was a silence between them as both women slowly realised why they had come home. The phone call Amanda had received earlier. Olivia pushed herself up so she could look at her girlfriend and Amanda's blue eyes snapped up to find Olivia's brown. She sheepishly smiled and sipped from her drink. Her grin widened. "If you want to back out, this is the moment to do it."

"Back out? I'm jumping in with both feet first," Olivia answered. "What did they say?"

"All my blood tests were perfectly normal. Hormone levels are within the expected ranges, no scary childhood vaccinations that I missed and stuff like that," Amanda explained. "Ultrasound looked good to. She said my ovaries are fine, no creepy things wrong with my uterus. Perfect home for a baby."

"So…" Olivia hesitated. "What do we do now?"

Amanda swallowed. "Now I get to pee on a stick every mornin' until it shows I'm ovulatin' and then we call the clinic. They'll make us come in and do the procedure and then…" Her blue eyes glistened with excitement and she moved closer to Olivia. Her voice became a litter deeper and her southern accent became a little stronger. "The agonizin' two week wait begins before we can do a pregnancy test to see if it worked."

"Wow," Olivia breathed and cupped Amanda's cheek with her hand. "It's really happening, isn't it?"

"You ready?" Amanda asked.

Olivia shook her head. "No parent is ever ready."

"I think you are," Amanda whispered and leant in to kiss her girlfriend. "I think you're more than ready and I think you're goin' to be a fantastic mom."

~()~

The ovulation test became part of her Amanda's morning routine very quickly. The clinic had given her a box of tests and she used them every morning when she got out of bed. She knew that for the first days, she didn't have to expect anything exciting. She knew her menstrual cycle very well and was very rarely late. It was the second week after the phone call that would prove to be the most interesting one and she felt the anxiety increase in her body whenever she took the test.

It was a Wednesday morning in the second week of January that Amanda almost dropped the test when the results appeared on the little screen. Her hands were shaking and she stared at it in a mixture of surprise and fear. The results were obvious. Today was the day. She picked up the test, walked back to the bedroom and found Olivia zipping up her slacks and putting on a dress shirt.

"Liv?" Her voice was trembling a bit and Olivia turned around, one eyebrow arched.

When she saw Amanda standing by the bed, still dressed in her sweatpants and tank top and with the test in her hand, her eyes widened. She walked around the bed and glanced at the little screen before looking up at Amanda. "Is this it?"

Amanda nodded. "The test says it is."

Olivia covered her mouth with her hand and tears suddenly glistened in her eyes. "Oh my God."

Amanda dropped the test on the bed and snaked her arms around Olivia's neck, pulling her closer. This was in no way a guarantee that they were going to get pregnant but the moment was here that they could start trying. The stress and anxiety that had mounted up over recent weeks was now finally reaching its climax and the all-important moment was here.

"I love you," Amanda whispered into Olivia's hair. The emotions were overwhelming and she was surprised to feel tears on her own cheeks. "I love you so much."

Olivia brushed a strand of hair out of Amanda's face and softly kissed her. "Let's go and make a baby."

"Will you call them while I get dressed?" Amanda asked and gave Olivia the ovulation test. "The number's on the fridge."

Olivia nodded and left Amanda in the bedroom. The blonde sank down on the bed. All kinds of emotions were rushing through her. She couldn't have expected for it to feel like this but now the moment was here and she was nervous, scared and delighted, all at the same time. The palms of her hands were sweaty and she glanced down at her flat stomach, imagining her egg to just be sitting there, waiting to be fertilized and turn into a baby. Biology didn't quite work like that but nevertheless, she couldn't shake the image from her mind.

She got dressed in a pair of comfortable jeans and a long sleeved white shirt. By the time she had made it down the stairs, Olivia was in the kitchen. She'd just put down the phone and turned around when Amanda came in. Her brown eyes sparkled with joy. "They want to see us first thing this morning."

Amanda swallowed. "Anythin' they want me to do beforehand?"

Olivia shook her head and took Amanda's hands into her own. "All she said was try to relax." Brown eyes found blue. "Like that's going to happen." She smiled. "Afterwards, they recommend you remain on the table for about fifteen minutes, just to optimise your chances. Once you get home, take it easy for a couple of days." She narrowed her eyes. "I'm sure there's paperwork you can do at home."

Amanda nodded and looked at Olivia's hands holding her own. They were going to do this. They were about to take the most important step in their lives and try and become parents. They would carry a responsibility from this child from the minute it was conceived all the way through the rest of its life. It was a great challenge, something she had never thought she'd do, but now, as she stood here with Olivia and about to embark on this amazing journey, Amanda knew she was ready.

"You ready?" Olivia asked as she picked her car keys from the kitchen counter. Amanda nodded and she smiled. "I'll drive."

~()~

By the time they arrived at the clinic, Amanda's heart was pounding in the back of her throat. She linked her hand with Olivia's as they stepped into the building. The girl at reception greeted them with a bright smile and when she registered their slightly anxious expressions she seemed to immediately understand that they were here for treatment. Her smile changed from the type she gave everyone who set foot inside this place to soft and warm.

"Take a seat and the doctor will be with you," she smiled.

Amanda and Olivia sat down beside each other and Amanda's eyes once again wandered across the pictures on the wall. Not until now did she realise how badly she really wanted this. She wanted to be a family with Olivia, to have a child of their own. She wanted this treatment to work more than anything. The longer she stared at the pictures, the stronger the feeling became and when Doctor Williams appeared from down the corridor, Amanda struggled to peel her eyes away from them.

Williams shook their hands and his eyes found Amanda's. "Today's the big day."

"I know," she answered, her voice a little shaky. She straightened her back and set her jaw, masking her insecurities and fears behind her detective mask. "Let's do this."

Over the course of the next forty-five minutes or so, Amanda lay on a table in an almost identical room to where she had first had her ultrasound. She was naked from the waist down and she had covered herself with a towel. Two nurses and Doctor Williams were both in the room with her. One of the nurses had just finished another ultrasound and had managed to confirm what the test had already shown. The trio was now busy preparing the most important part of the treatment. They had thawed the donor sperm sample Amanda and Olivia were going to use and when Doctor Williams turned around, facial mask firmly in place, he held up a thin, long tube. His eyes were smiling.

"You know what we're about to do, right?" When Amanda nodded, he chuckled. "I'm going to tell you anyway. We'll insert this little catheter into your uterus and place the sperm inside. It will be released inside your uterus where it will hopefully do what it needs to do. Once we've completed the procedure, I need you to stay on the table for ten, fifteen minutes. When you get home, just try to relax and let nature do its work." He arched a eyebrow when he saw Amanda frown. "Easier said than done, I know."

Amanda took deep breath and searched for Olivia's hand. She squeezed it before looking back at Williams. "I'm ready."

The procedure was relatively painless. She could barely feel the catheter and she turned her head to look at Olivia instead. The brunette was lovingly staring back at her and she smiled. Olivia smiled in a way she had never smiled before. Her eyes, her lips, her whole face had lit up. She was happy. Happier than she had ever been before in her life. She brought Amanda's hands up to her lips and kissed them.

"You have no idea how proud I am of you," she whispered.

"I'll think of that when I am trying to push out a baby through somewhere that it way too small," Amanda grinned.

"All done," Williams said and Amanda's eyes snapped up. "Now just stay where you are for a little while." He took off his gloved and removed his mask. "I'm afraid this is where the waiting begins. We'll give you a pregnancy test. You can test two weeks from now but my personal advice is to wait a little longer. Sometimes, when the hormone levels are really low, a test can give a false negative. Since the pregnancy would be in its very early stages, not enough hormones may be present to show up in your urine. If you wait till about three weeks from now, the hormone levels will be higher and the test will be positive."

Amanda nodded. "Three weeks of hell."

"I often tell women to at least treat themselves as if they are pregnant. Watch what you eat and drink, keep yourself in an environment where you can't do any damage to a potential foetus," Williams said. He looked from Amanda to Olivia. "You're both detectives, right?"

"She'll be on desk duty after today," Olivia answered. "No discussion."

"Take it easy for the next couple of days. Maybe work from home, cut your hours a bit. You can go back to what you do on a day to day basis by the end of the week but just give your body a chance to, you know, get pregnant." Williams looked at Amanda. "Our ways part here and I hope that I won't be seeing you again for quite some time."

"Me too," Amanda answered. "Do I call you after I do the test?"

"Yes," Williams answered. "If the test is positive, we will arrange an early ultra sound. Normally women don't have ultrasounds until they are about twelve weeks along but here we offer one as an extra service. If you are pregnant, you'll be able to see your little bean around six weeks. If the test is negative, we'll arrange for another insemination at a later date."

Amanda and Olivia shared a look that reflected hope. Both of them wanted nothing more than for this to work first time but they were both very much aware that there was a chance it wouldn't. They both shook Williams' hand and he left the room. Amanda remained where she was for another fifteen minutes, her hands lying on her stomach, wondering if anything was happening in there right now. When the nurse told her it was allright to get dressed, she almost didn't want to get up. She just wanted to lay there, thinking about what her body was doing right now.

When she and Olivia walked out of the building and stepped back out into the cold January weather, Amanda looked at Olivia. She could see the hope, the desire and the longing. She smiled. "I guess now we wait."

"Yes," Olivia sighed and her eyes dropped down to Amanda's stomach. "Now we wait."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: **So no new SVU's till next year. I guess we'll just have to make our own until then. Now, guys, let me hear what you think, allright? I know you'll want to!**  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_She's the voice I love to hear_  
_ Someday when I'm ninety_  
_ She's that wooden rocking chair_  
_ I want rocking right beside me_  
_ Everyday that passes_  
_ I only love her more_  
_ Yeah, she's the one_  
_ That I'd lay down my own life for_  
_~Brad Paisley - She's Everything**  
**_

Amanda ran her fingers through her hair. The pile of paperwork on her desk had reduced in size over the past few days. She had gotten used to the routine of flicking through page after page of notes and transcripts. She actually started looking forward to the moments where she was called into an interrogation room when Fin and Munch were working cases together and needed a female detective at their side. She was only allowed in the room if it was deemed safe and Amanda often still found herself leaping out of her chair when people rushed off, only to be grounded when a situation was considered dangerous. Occasionally she got to go out for a neighbourhood canvas or to talk to families of victims.

It had been exactly two weeks since the insemination and Amanda found herself double checking the dates in her phone more and more often. She remembered the doctor telling her to wait another week before testing but she could barely cope with the tension. The sense of anxiety began to increase as the days passed. The pregnancy test lay in the bathroom at home and she looked at it every morning, but excited as well as terrified by the idea of taking it in a few days' time.

"Hey."

She looked up when she felt Olivia's warm hands in the back of her neck and moaned softly when her girlfriend's slender fingers massaged her shoulders. The disadvantage of a possible pregnancy was that she hadn't done any of her normal exercise and she could feel it in her muscles. Once she knew if she was or wasn't pregnant she could do some minor jogging but the times of mile long runs through Central Park were well behind her if the test came back positive.

"How are you feeling?" Olivia asked softly. It had become a standard question. Both she and Amanda were trying to discover any signs that pointed at a possible pregnancy but there had been no obvious changes.

"Like I've been hit by a steamroller," Amanda sighed and covered Olivia's hands with her own. "I can't believe how tired I am."

"It's been an intense couple of weeks," Olivia reminded her. She was about to say something else when the sound of high heels clicking on lino made both women look up. Alex walked into the SVU squad room and the ADA's blue eyes almost immediately fixed on Amanda and Olivia. She smiled.

"Hey Alex," Olivia grinned when the other woman reached them. "How was Aspen?"

The relationship between Alex and Kate had continued to develop and last week Amanda and Olivia had invited the couple over for dinner. Amanda had impressed everyone with her southern cooking skills, leaving them all so full that for the next half an hour afterwards nobody spoke. The next day Kate had taken Alex away for a long weekend in Aspen and Olivia could see the healthy pink glow covering the blonde attorney's cheeks as she walked into the room. Alexandra Cabot was happy.

"Beautiful," Alex smiled. "I didn't know how much I needed to get away from it all until I got back." S Her eyes fixed on Amanda, who was resting her head against Olivia's stomach. The brunette detective's fingers were lazily threading Amanda's hair. "How are things here?"

"Same old, same old," Amanda answered. "I have paperwork coming out of my ears." She picked up several files and handed them Alex. "Finished these off for ya, though. Plenty of time before arraignment, right?"

"Thanks," Alex smiled but then her eyes fixed on Olivia. "Liv, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure," Olivia said and stepped away from Amanda. She followed Alex through the squad room and arched an eyebrow in surprise when the ADA walked into one of the interrogation rooms and closed the door behind them. She looked up to meet Alex's eyes and felt an unnerving feeling settle in her stomach. She recognised that look. It was that look Alex always gave her when she had bad news.

"What's going on, Alex?"

Alex reached into her briefcase and pulled out a case file. She put it on the table and began spreading out crime scene photos. When she pulled out a mug shot and put it on top of one of the pictures that showed a crime scene covered in blood she turned to look at Olivia. Her face had hardened and the look in her blue eyes was one of anger and contempt. "Do you remember this one?"

Olivia stared at the mug shot before grabbing it off the table and began to slowly pace the room. She had worked hundreds, if not thousands, of cases in her time at SVU. Some she remembered better than others and there were a handful that she'd never forget. They were the ones where the perp had been almost sadistically cruel or where the cases remained unsolved. This was one of them. This was one of the faces that had haunted her in her dreams and nightmares for weeks before finally fading in the distance. Eventually he had become just another face in the crowd.

"Stephen Bellamy," Olivia said venomously and slammed the picture back on the table. "Raped and ritually murdered three women in Queens six years ago. His DNA was found on the first scene, wore a condom the second and third time. He was sentenced to life in Rikers. Casey prosecuted him, nailed his balls." Blazing dark eyes and looked up at Alex. Anger flickered in those dark brown orbs. "What is his file doing here?"

Alex took a deep breath before reaching into her briefcase a second time and taking out another file. She gave it Olivia and the detective almost grabbed it out of her hand. Inside were crime scene pictures Olivia had never seen before. She flicked through them, the familiarity striking her. A sense of fear settled in her chest when she saw a close up picture of the victim's face. She shook her head in disbelief. "I've never seen these before."

"That's because you didn't work this case," Alex said slowly. Her eyes were still fixed on Olivia. She knew the detective's tell. Everyone had a little something, known amongst some cops as a tell, they did when they became uncomfortable or agitated. Olivia's tell was the way her eyebrows furrowed together when she studied the pictures. "This file was delivered to the DA's office earlier this morning by the lawyer representing Stephen Grimshaw with the request for a retrial citing the find of new evidence that could proof he's innocent."

"His DNA matched the semen found on the first crime scene!" Olivia objected. "Security footage showed Bellamy leaving with Caitlin Jansen the night she was raped and murdered."

"I know," Alex said slowly. "You said Casey prosecuted him. I requested the file first thing this morning. The evidence against him was strong. There was no room for doubt."

Olivia's eyes snapped up. "Then why am I looking at a crime scene I have never seen before and why are you telling me Grimshaw may be getting a new trial?"

"Because these pictures were taken two days ago."

Olivia's heart skipped a beat and her eyes widened. "What?!"

Alex leant against the table and folded her arms across her chest. "Two days ago, emergency operators received a call reporting a woman found dead in her apartment. Uniformed officers went to check it out and called in Homicide. The scene was investigated, the usual procedures were followed. The case belonged to Brooklyn Homicide, which is why it took a few days for someone to make the connection. Unfortunately, Bellamy's lawyer must have someone feeding him inside NYPD. He knew about it before anyone else did."

"He saw the crime scene photos and immediately filed for a retrial," Olivia sighed and rubbed her eyes. She looked back at Alex. "The scene definitely looks identical but a lot of these details were released to the press. We could be dealing with a copycat here."

Alex shook her head and her hand slipped back into her briefcase for a third time. "There was one thing the press never knew about." She put another picture on the table and Olivia found herself confronted with the bloody message written on the wall. Her heart sank. "You're telling me that this message was left at the latest crime scene?"

Alex nodded. "It's being analysed but the first suggestions are that it's the same handwriting."

Olivia sank down into the chair and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. The words were written in blood, spelled out in small letters, close together. One line neatly below the previous one. "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil." She glanced up at Alex. "Did we get it wrong six years ago?"

"Bellamy's lawyer certainly thinks you did," Alex answered. "Who did the original interrogation?"

"Elliot," Olivia answered. Even now mentioning his name still caused her to feel angry and sad. He had never answered any of her calls. He'd ignored her, as if the twelve years they'd spent together as partners had been nothing. "Bellamy is a chauvinistic pig. He wouldn't accept my authority. He only wanted to talk to Elliot. We found his DNA on the scene. It was an open and shut case."

"Did he confess?" Alex asked.

Olivia shook her head. "He kept saying he didn't do it but the evidence was right there. We've seen perps lie through their teeth before, even if the evidence tells us they did it. Bellamy was no different. Elliot was in there with him for five hours. Casey and I watched most of it. The security footage, his DNA, the fact that he had a conviction for aggravated assault… It all fit. Casey took it to trial and the jury needed less than twelve hours to find him guilty."

Alex heaved a sigh and began gathering the pictures. "I'll leave this with you. The DA requested SVU reviews the case. Brooklyn Homicide will be in touch to hand over their notes. We won't be able to put Bellamy's lawyer off for long but if this turns out to be a case of jailing an innocent man…"

"Don't!" Olivia raised both her hands into the air. "I've made a mistake like this once before and I don't want to have to discover I made another one."

"I'm sorry, Liv."

"Not nearly as sorry as I am."

There was a knock on the door and the two women turned around. Amanda poked her head around. Her blue eyes fixed on Olivia and she flashed a smile. "Captain wants to see you."

"I guess he now knows about it too," Olivia said and took the pictures from the table. She started for the door and Alex followed. Olivia turned to Amanda and searched for her hand in support. "Go and get the others. If this is what I think it is, we're going to need as many fresh eyes as we can get."

~()~

Olivia wasn't wrong. The news of Stephen Bellamy's possible innocence had also reached One PP and Cragen had already been spoken to by the Police Commissioner himself. Now the detectives stood in his office as Olivia talked them through the case as it had unfolded six years ago. She and Elliot had been called out to the first crime scene on a warm summer night in July. Within days two more women were raped and murdered the same way. It was only when the DNA test came back, flagging the name of Bellamy in the system after his aggravated assault charge, that they finally had a suspect. Because of the DNA test they never looked for anyone else. Bellamy was seen on the security footage leaving with the first victim and a neighbour recognised him as the man leaving the building where the second victim had been murdered but when Elliot interrogated him, Bellamy didn't break.

"I want all of you to look at this case again," Cragen said and looked around his group of detectives. "Rollins, you go over the crime scene photos. Fin and Munch, pay a visit to Rikers and talk to Bellamy. Liv, Amaro, I want you two to go back to the last crime scene and talk to the Brooklyn detectives. Alex is running this with the DA's office breathing in her neck. They've had plenty of bad press recently and this isn't making them look any better."

Amanda and Olivia walked out of the office together. Amanda's heart was hammering in her chest and she reached for her handbag standing next to her desk. She then looked at Olivia. "Can we talk?"

"I'm not taking you out to a crime scene," Olivia objected.

"I wasn't goin' to ask that!" Amanda answered. Her blue eyes widened. She looked around the squad room before looking back at her girlfriend. "I don't wanna talk here."

Olivia frowned but followed the blonde out of the squad room and into the ladies toilets anyway. There Amanda turned around, her back resting against the sink. As she stood there she was suddenly reminded of the argument she and Olivia had had in this very space at the start of their relationship. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Olivia studied the blonde detective's face. She couldn't quite read the expression in her eyes. "What's going on, Amanda?"

Amanda reached into her handbag and took out the white plastic stick. Her fingers trembled a little as she held it out in her open palm, the small screen facing down. Blue eyes looked up at Olivia and now the detective saw the tears. Amanda's voice was soft as Olivia began to understand what it was her girlfriend was showing her. "I couldn't wait any longer. I went to the bodega around the corner and bought a test."

"The doctor said it was best to wait a few more days." Olivia took a step closer to Amanda, her heart pounding in the back of her throat. She had faced the most dangerous criminals in her life but she was scared to turn the test over and see the result reflecting on the screen. "To make sure the test doesn't give a false negative."

"We didn't have to wait."

Olivia carefully took the pregnancy test from Amanda's hand and held it with the screen facing down. She couldn't describe the emotions rushing through her as she slowly turned it over in her hand. She tried to look away from the screen, as if she was afraid to read what it said, but her eyes were drawn to it like a magnet. Her heart skipped a beat and she nearly dropped the test. It was positive.

"I'm pregnant, Liv."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note:** Oh guys, you made my day with all your reviews. Seeing your happiness at the pregnancy made the little surprise so worth it. In fact, it made all the angst from the previous two stories worth it. The end of this chapter made me feel al fuzzy and I bloody well wrote it myself. I hope you enjoy it too!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

_I`ll be your shoulder_  
_When you need someone to lean on_  
_Be your shelter_  
_When you need someone to see you through_  
_I`ll be there to carry you_  
_I`ll be there_  
_Reba McEntire - I'll Be**  
**_

"It worked?"

Olivia stared at Amanda in shock. The pregnancy test lay in her open hand and she looked from the positive result to her girlfriend and back. The tears welled up in her eyes without warning and started cascading down her cheeks. She didn't even try to fight them. She closed the distance between her and Amanda and enveloped the blonde in her arms. Now that she held her did she truly feel her happiness. Feeling Amanda's body against her own, knowing there was life growing inside of her, brought a kind of happiness to her heart Olivia had never experienced before.

"It worked," Amanda whispered into Olivia's ear. Tears were streaming down her own face as she buried her face in the brunette's hair. She felt Olivia's racing heart through her clothes. Her own heart was pounding too. She was scared. She was excited. She was beyond terrified. She was delighted and nervous and confused and all the emotions she couldn't even begin to name. But most of all she was happy. She was happy she and Olivia were finally going to become what they both wanted the most. A family.

"I can't believe it," Olivia whispered. She broke free from the embrace and her lips found Amanda's. She tasted her lover's tears on her lips and smiled into the kiss. Hands ran through Amanda's hair and she pulled her in deeper until the need for oxygen forced them apart and they looked at each other, eyes having darkened a few shades.

"The test doesn't lie," Amanda answered. "I know it's early and I know everything could still go wrong…"

"Don't say it," Olivia quickly said and covered Amanda's lips with her index finger. "Don't say those words, Amanda. You're pregnant and you're going to have this baby and you're going to be a brilliant mom."

"It's not like I've got much of a choice now, huh?" Amanda smiled through her tears. She shook her head. "I didn't dare think that it would actually work. I know Doctor Williams said that it has happened at the first try but I just didn't dare…" Her words trailed off as she remembered the anxiety leading up to this moment. It was now replaced with the knowledge that she was carrying a child inside of her. A child that needed looking after, a child that needed to be cared for. She would have to do all those things and she was going to be good at it. She made that vow to herself and the tiny bean growing inside her stomach. She was going to be good.

"What are we going to tell the others?" Olivia asked as she drew circles on the back of Amanda's hand. She couldn't wipe the smile off her eyes. Her brown eyes were twinkling, sparkling with excitement.

"We have to tell them." Amanda's blue eyes reflected the same happiness. "They know we went through this, Liv. They need to know." She swallowed as the full extent of this pregnancy began to dawn on her. "Gees, any other woman gets to keep her pregnancy a secret for at least twelve weeks and we don't get even a day. There are too many risks. Cragen can't have a pregnant detective running the streets."

"I guess you're right."

"I always am."

"Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you get to play the 'I'm-always-right' card." Olivia arched an eyebrow in amusement.

"I don't have to," Amanda smirked and quickly pecked her girlfriend on the lips. Playful fingers ghosted across Olivia's jaw, bringing the older woman out in unexpected goose bumps. She loved how after all this time Amanda's touch could still do this to her. "I get to play the 'I'm-pregnant' card for nine whole months and you, Olivia Benson, don't get to complain about it."

"Don't expect me to hold your hair back when you puke your guts out every morning," Olivia smiled. "You get to do that all on your own."

"But you get to clean up."

"Aren't I lucky."

Amanda took Olivia's arm and started pulling her towards the door. "You wanna tell them now?"

"You kidding? I don't think I could keep this a secret for an hour, much less a minute," Olivia grinned and held the door so Amanda could walk out. "After you." Her hand shot down to Amanda's stomach as the blonde passed her and the most idiotic grin spread across her face. "The two of you."

Amanda couldn't resist. "Or three."

"Oh no," Olivia said, her voice thick with amusement but not quite masking a hint of fear. Her hand still rested against Amanda's stomach and their eyes locked. Amanda's cheeks had flushed pink with excitement and Olivia suddenly felt the butterflies in her stomach, just like she had felt them when she first realised she was in love with Amanda. She was still in love with her. She didn't doubt the fact that she would always be in love with her. "There aren't two babies in there."

"You don't get to decide that," Amanda answered and covered Amanda's hand with her own. "I guess we're gonna have to wait till the six week scan and find out then." She chuckled softly and mocked the older woman as they made their way back to the squad room. "Detective Olivia Benson, frightened by the prospect of having twins."

When they walked back into the SVU squad room they were surprised to find that Munch and Fin hadn't left for Rikers yet. Nick was sitting at his desk, wearing his coat and clearly waiting for Olivia. The two female detectives glanced at each other and Olivia just smiled. Her dark eyes found Fin. "Can we talk to you guys?" She jerked her head towards Cragen's office. "In there?"

"What? We're discussing sensitive information now?" Munch asked and Amanda grinned.

"Yeah, it's a matter involving national security."

The group of detectives walked into Cragen's office. He looked up in surprise when he noticed Olivia closing the door behind her and cocked an eyebrow. "Please tell me you're not all here to hand in your resignation."

"Don't tempt me," Olivia smiled, "but no."

"Rollins says it's a matter of national security," Munch piped up.

"Don't believe everything you're told, Munch," Fin interjected and slapped his partner on the back. "Rollins talks a good story."

"Well, you better believe this," Amanda answered and her blue eyes flashed back towards Olivia as if to silently seek the approval to share their news. The brunette gave a barely visible nod and the fluttering in Amanda's stomach only got worse. All she wanted was to go home and curl up with Olivia to relish in this new feeling but she couldn't. Not right now anyway. She took a deep breath and looked around the group of people she considered to be her closest friends, her family. "Liv and I have somethin' to tell ya'll."

Nick seemed to be first to connect the dots and he furrowed his brow. He looked from Amanda to Olivia and back and recognised the glint in Amanda's eye as the same one he had seen in his wife's eyes when she had found out she was pregnant with their daughter. "It's been about two weeks since you went for treatment…."

Fin's eyes lit up and he stared at Amanda, surprised etched across his face. "You're…"

Olivia nodded and she stepped forward to place a hand on Amanda's stomach. The smile on her face spread from ear to ear and the tears glistened in her eyes for a second time that day. "We're pregnant."

For the next few minutes both women found themselves embraced, kissed and congratulated by their friends. The atmosphere in Cragen's office changed from tense over the Bellamy case to cheerful because of the pregnancy. For those few precious moments there was no room for assault victims, abused children and murder. For a few blissful minutes everyone was unaware of the world outside as they marvelled over the miracle that was the life growing inside a woman's body. A bunch of cells that would grow into a beautiful little baby.

"You're going to be amazing," Munch reassured Amanda and their gazes locked. "You know what you want your child to have, what you didn't get when you were young. To know how you don't want to be is perhaps one of the best things to know when you become a parent." His gaze dropped down to Amanda's stomach. "This is going to be one lucky child."

"Thanks, John," Amanda smiled. "That means a lot."

Cragen looked around the group of detectives. "Right, time to break up this little gathering. There's plenty of work on all your desks." His eyes found Amanda's. "There's going to be even more on your desk from now on, Rollins. Paperwork only from now on. You can do the DD5's and I'm sure we can find some other administrative tasks to make sure you don't get bored. No street canvassing, no interviews with suspects or victims unless its children. The second you start showing, you'll be assigned permanent desk duty. Understood?"

She knew this was the consequence. She had reconciled with that and so she nodded. "Understood."

"Let's go people."

"I'll see you later," Olivia whispered as they left Cragen's office. She walked Amanda to her desk and kissed her on the cheek. They rarely displayed affection towards each other in the squad room. Although their relationship had never been a secret, they had chosen to keep things professional when they were at work. She grabbed her coat from the back of her chair and turned to look at her girlfriend. "I love you."

"I love you too," Amanda said softly as she slipped into her chair and switched on her computer. "Be careful out there."

"No more coffee!" Olivia warned before leaving the squad room and when Amanda pulled a face that could only be described as pure horror, she snickered. "I'll get you a decaf on my way back."

Amanda watched the brunette detective leave the squad room. The sound of Olivia's boots against the lino faded out into the distance. Fin and Munch left too and suddenly she found herself to be the only member of the team being left behind. The sudden silence was surprising. A couple of the other detectives were talking on the other side of the room, near the coffee pot. They paid little attention to her as her eyes darted around the squad room. This was what she had worked for all her life. All she had ever wanted was to work Sex Crimes. She hadn't dared dream that this would be what she'd find. She found Olivia Benson. She found love. She found everything.

Amanda leant back in her chair and placed her hands carefully on her stomach. Soon it would start to grow and the whole world would be able to see that she was pregnant. She couldn't wait. She couldn't wait for everyone to see that this was what she had achieved in her life. She looked down at her own hands, trying to imagine a tiny little something, a lump of cells, growing inside of her. She smiled sheepishly as the strange image formed in her head.

"Hey there," she said softly. "I know you're in there and I know you can't hear me because you don't have ears yet but I just wanna let you know that I'm gonna be your mom. Well, there's me and then there's Liv. She's gonna be your mom too. And we're gonna be there for you from this day onwards, whether you like it or not. You know, we're gonna teach you how to walk and talk and we're gonna help you do your homework. Liv can do the math cause I ain't no good at that." She smiled at her own words. "But I'll be the one chasin' your boyfriend or girlfriend down the porch with a shotgun." Amanda leant back in her chair, her hands still on her stomach. "Whatever happens, kid, I promise you that we're gonna be there. That's what families do. They're there for each other, you know. Forever."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note:** Okay, I wrote this update real quick because I didn't want to leave ya'll hangin' for a few days while I return to somethin' called work. This story will be full of surprises – with plenty of them still to come. We have moved forward into time about six weeks (as I didn't want to write too much about the earliest stages and focus more on what is still to come, including a revelation about the pregnancy) so in case you're wondering about the case Olivia and Alex were discussing in the previous chapters, you'll find all your answers about that in the next chapter. I didn't have time to add it in here but it will come. The case isn't the most important thing in this story. It will be Amanda's pregnancy and a few old friends – if you want to call them that – making a reappearance down the line. We may or may not see some familiair faces. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

_Let the mountains rise, I will climb them all_  
_ When my body's weak, I will not fall_  
_ Baby, come what may I'll find a way to get through_  
_ There's nothing that I won't do_  
_ To be loved by you_  
_~Wynona Judd - To Be Loved By You**  
**_

It was as if finding out she was pregnant was the trigger for her morning sickness. Within days after the positive test, Amanda found herself well acquainted with the porcelain bowl in the bathroom. The nausea was overwhelming and she often groaned out loud whether it was ever going to go away. Every morning, as soon as her feet made contact with the floor, she'd have to run because her stomach decided to turn. She'd puke her guts up, have a shower and feel sick for several more hours until the morning faded into noon. As soon as that happened, she felt fine, energetic and happy.

It was Thursday morning and Amanda was exactly six weeks pregnant. Today would be their ultrasound at the clinic. They had called the day the test came back positive and the receptionist had been delighted to hear from them. She encouraged Amanda to take her vitamins and booked her in for the first available ultrasound date. Both women were excited but also a little nervous.

Amanda made her way down the stairs dressed in a pair of simple black slacks, a long sleeved baby blue shirt and her blazer, ready for work as soon as the ultrasound was over. She had tied her hair in a ponytail, a habit she'd gotten into every morning because of the continued vomiting. She found Olivia in the kitchen and froze in her step when the smell hit her nose. Her blue eyes narrowed and she stared at her girlfriend.

"I made you a decaf," Olivia offered and held out the mug.

"Keep that crap away from me."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up and she eyed Amanda up suspiciously. "Excuse me?"

"I don't want it."

"You _don't_ want coffee?" Olivia asked in surprise and put the mug back down on the counter. Amanda crossed the kitchen to the fridge and poured herself a glass of orange juice. "Are you kidding me?"

Amanda looked at her girlfriend over the rim of her glass of juice. "I'm pregnant, Liv, not stupid."

Olivia sighed and a smile suddenly tugged at her cheeks. "So instead of having strange cravings you've gone off coffee." Brown eyes searched for blue, a teasing twinkle evident in Olivia's gaze. "Can I still drink it?"

"Just don't stand anywhere near me when you do."

Olivia smirked and sipped from the warm liquid as Amanda drank her orange juice. She felt bad for Amanda. The morning sickness was taking a toll on her. By now she could no longer stand the smell of coffee or chocolate, two things that were very important in Olivia's life. Not a day went by that she didn't complain about her breasts being sore and her back aching. The blonde couldn't wait for the first trimester to be over and the symptoms to be gone, or so the book she had bought the other day told her. The guide book for Moms To Be & New Moms lay on the bedside table and Amanda read a few pages every night.

Olivia was roused from her thoughts when she felt Amanda's arms unexpectedly around her waist. Amanda buried her face in Olivia's hair and her breath was warm against Olivia's skin. "I'm scared."

"I know," Olivia replied and covered Amanda's hands with her own. She slowly turned around so that they were facing each other and she rested her forehead against Amanda's. Their gazes locked, their hands still linked. Her voice was soft and encouraging. "It's going to be allright."

Amanda sighed. "I read that there won't be much to see on the ultrasound but I just can't stop thinkin', you know, what if there's nothin; there at all?" She took a deep breath. "What if the test was wrong and it will show that my belly is really empty?"

"It won't be empty," Olivia replied and caressed Amanda's cheek. "You puke your guts up every morning. You don't like coffee anymore. Your boobs have grown twice in size already in just six weeks and you're grumpier than I ever remember you being." Her smile widened. "You're pregnant."

Amanda's blue eyes glistened with tears and she leant in to kiss Olivia. "I want to see our baby."

"I want to see our baby too."

~()~

They sat in the waiting room after the receptionist had kindly asked them to sit down. Amanda's eyes were instinctively drawn to the pictures of the happy families on the wall and her hand rested on her stomach, although there was nothing to show for her pregnancy yet. She couldn't wipe the smile off her face and even when she looked around the waiting room and saw the anxious faces of the other two couples, both heterosexual, it didn't change anything about the excitement she felt. Olivia's hand covered hers, resting against her stomach as well. There was no denying that they were pregnant, even if there was no bump to show for it. Their smiles gave it away.

"They're ready for you," the receptionist called after about ten minutes of waiting and the two detectives stood up. "Second door on your right." Her smile widened. "Good luck."

Amanda and Olivia entered a room that was pretty much identical to the one where the insemination had been performed. The table stood in the middle of the room but Amanda's eyes immediately fixed on the ultrasound machine next to it. She glanced at Olivia, who smiled, and then she hopped effortlessly on the table and made herself comfortable. Olivia pulled up a chair at her side and searched for her hand.

The blonde haired woman sitting at the desk turned around. Her name was Marisa Logan and she was a woman in her late forties with deep lines around her blue eyes that sparkled behind her black rimmed glasses. For a brief moment she reminded Olivia of Alex until she spoke. The Texas accent was undeniable. The southern accent only added to her natural warmth and Marisa shook Amanda's hand first before taking Olivia's. Her smile was genuine and lit up her eyes.

"The big day, eh?" she asked as she switched on the machine. The screen came to life, showing a black empty space in the middle. She reached for a bottle of gel and unscrewed the top. "Right, we'll start by doing an external scan because it's less invasive. If I can't see as well as I would like, I may have to ask you to undress and perform an internal scan anyway." Marisa's eyes found Amanda's. "Is your bladder full?"

Amanda nodded. "Just like the receptionist said. I'm burstin'."

"Good," Marisa answered. "Now lift up your shirt. I'll put the gel on your stomach. It may feel a little bit cold, OK?" Amanda did what she was told and pulled up her blouse, revealing her still perfectly flat stomach. She flinched when the cold gel made contact with her skin. "At six weeks there is very little we can see during an ultrasound. There will be a gestational sack and it is possible we'll see a very tiny, weak heartbeat but it will be too faint to hear just yet."

Amanda looked at Olivia and chewed her bottom lip. She was nervous. She was scared. Her fingers grasped a tighter hold of Olivia's hand and she swallowed hard. "Let's see then," she said, sounding more confident than she felt. Olivia brought Amanda's hand up to her lips and kissed it. The blonde smiled. "Let's see what's goin' on in there."

Marisa carefully placed the small wand on Amanda's stomach, spreading the gel across her skin. A blurred image began to appear on the ultrasound screen and the two detectives looked on in anticipation. Marisa searched around Amanda's lower abdomen until she found what she was looking for and suddenly held the wand still. In the middle of the screen Amanda's uterus had appeared. What they saw made no sense to either Olivia or Amanda.

"Well, well, well," Marisa smiled as she moved the wand slightly. She pointed at the screen at one of the large black blobs. "This is what is known as a gestational sack. Your baby will be growing in here for the next several months." Her finger moved ever so slightly at something that appeared to be flickering. A smile graced her lips as she turned to look at Amanda. "And this, this is the little heartbeat."

"Oh my God," Amanda breathed and turned to look at Olivia. Tears were glistening in the older woman's eyes as she studied the screen. This was the first time they saw the new life growing inside Amanda. The little lump of cells that would develop into a beautiful baby, their baby. The sight of Olivia's tears brought tears to her own eyes. "It's not empty."

"It most definitely is not empty," Marisa acknowledged. There was a slight glint in her eye and Olivia didn't miss it.

"What is it?" she asked, a hint of alarm in her voice when Marisa's gaze was drawn back to the screen and she began turning the wand around a little bit. "Doctor Logan, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Marisa answered and smiled. She pointed back at the screen. "See this?" Both detectives nodded. "What do you see?"

"That's the heartbeat," Amanda said. "You pointed it out earlier."

"I pointed out this heartbeat," Marisa said and moved her finger a few inches to the left and pointed at another flicker on the screen. "This, honey, is a second heartbeat." She turned back at Amanda and saw the astonished look on the blonde's face. "Congratulations, you're officially six weeks pregnant with twins."

Olivia covered her mouth with her hand. She couldn't believe it. Twins. Amanda wasn't carrying one baby, she was carrying two. She was immediately taken back to the conversation in the ladies toilets the day Amanda had told her she was pregnant. It had been a joke, an innocent joke. But not it was real. Quiet tears chased down her cheeks and she leant in to kiss Amanda on her forehead. The blonde was still staring at the screen, mesmerized.

"Twins," she breathed and shook her head in disbelief. "There are two babies in there?"

"Two very happy babies," Marisa smiled. "Heartbeat is 115 per minute for the one and 118 for the other. Perfectly fine for this stage in the pregnancy. Have you spoken with your own consultant or OBGYN? You might want to let them know you're expecting twins; they'll want to keep an eye on you throughout the pregnancy. Having twins doesn't necessarily mean complications, but it does bring a few extra risks to your pregnancy."

They spent another ten minutes or so looking at the absolute miniscule dots on the screen that were the two heartbeats. The babies were no bigger than a pea and Amanda couldn't imagine that one day these two dots would become two full grown babies. When Marisa gave her a paper towel to wipe the gel from her stomach, she was almost reluctant to pull her shirt back down. She wanted to watch them forever. She wanted to see them grow, she wanted to see them develop.

"Your OBGYN will do another ultra sound around the twelve week mark," Marisa concluded as she handed Amanda a couple of print outs. The blonde studied them. "By then they'll actually look like tiny humans, like something you can actually recognise like a baby."

"This explains a lot," Amanda smiled as she showed Olivia the print out. "Two babies, twice the mornin' sickness."

"Twice the amount of diapers and bottles and twice the amount of laundry," Olivia added. Her hand reached down to Amanda's stomach and their gazes locked. This was her home, her family. This was the woman she loved and she was carrying her children. Together they would become the family she had always wanted. "Twice the amount of love to give."

They said their goodbyes to Marisa and walked out of the clinic. As they stepped out into the crisp March morning sunshine, Olivia reached for Amanda's hand. Right on the middle of the sidewalk she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and pulled her into a kiss. Their lips locked into a passionate display of love, drawing the occasional glance from the people passing by. They were lost in each other for just a moment, forgetting about the world around them where traffic rushed by and people went about their way, hurrying to catch the next train that would make them just in time for that all important meeting. None of that existed in this moment. It was just them, just the two of them. It was all that mattered.

When they parted, Olivia smiled. "I always knew you were special, Amanda. You have given me everything I never thought I'd have. Someone who isn't afraid of me, of my issues and my past. You're not afraid to break down all my walls, tear them down brick by brick. You have seen beyond my mask and you found something I wasn't willing to share with the world. You walked right in and you stayed. No matter how hard I pushed, you didn't walk away." She stroked Amanda's cheek. "You gave me love, shelter and safety. And now, now you're giving me a family." She leant in and kissed Amanda again. "I love you." She pressed a hand against Amanda's stomach. "The three of you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note:** Thanks for all the reviews, guys! Here's another one, just for you. Also, from now on we'll follow the pregnancy by the number of weeks written at the start of each chapter. Enjoy. You guys rock!

* * *

**Chapter 9**

_I'm gonna climb on top your ivory tower  
I'll hold your hand and then we'll jump right out  
We'll be falling, falling  
But that's okay  
Cause I'll be right here  
I just wanna know  
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful  
~Labrinth & Emeli Sande - Beneath Your Beautiful**  
**_

6 weeks pregnant

They arrived at the precinct about forty minutes later. Traffic had been easy going and all the way through both women had smiled. The radio played country tunes and Amanda's hands rested on her still flat stomach. She still couldn't comprehend there wasn't one but two lives growing inside of her. It was as if all the luck in the world had suddenly landed in her lap. Life had finally taken a turn for the better.

By the time they reached the squad room Amanda had put the ultrasound pictures in her bag and several sets of eyes snapped into their direction in expectation when they walked in. She could read it on their faces and cast a glance at Olivia, playing coy just to feed the tension lingering in the room. The butterflies in her stomach slowly settled as she strode across the room and slipped into her chair. When she looked up she found Fin staring at her.

"Well?" he asked.

She smiled, arching an eyebrow in question. Mischief flickered in her blue eyes. "Well what?"

"You had your ultra sound this morning didn't you?"

Olivia looked up from her desk at that question, feeling a sudden rush of happiness spread through her veins. She could barely contain her smile when she saw Amanda finally open her bag and take out the pictures. She put them down on Fin's desk. Nick and Munch almost immediately flocked it and the three men stared at the ultra sound in surprise. All men had seen one of these before but Nick was the only one who had seen one of his own child. He picked it up and studied it more closely.

"Not much to see yet, is there?" he asked.

Amanda grinned as she got up from her chair and pointed at a spot on the picture where one of the babies' hearts was. "Enough to see this little heart," she smiled and the three men glanced at her. Their faces were all smiles. SVU was like family and to them, Amanda was their little sister. The sight of her baby, no matter how small, was as amazing to them as it had been to Amanda and Olivia earlier.

Olivia joined the group of detectives and her arms snaked around Amanda's waist, her thumbs rubbing across her stomach, right where she had seen the doctor place the wand. Her babies were in there, growing inside the woman she loved. She wanted to be near them as much as she could. Amanda smiled under Olivia's touch and her finger moved a little until she pointed at the second heartbeat. "And there was enough to see this one too."

"Twins?" Munch asked and pulled a face. "You go for one treatment and end up with two babies?"

"Some people get all the good things in life," Amanda smiled as her hands covered Olivia's. She loved the feeling of her girlfriend's hands against her stomach. "But yes, the ultrasound shows twins, which could explain the violent mornin' sickness I've been havin' for the past six weeks."

"Ew." Fin's face was etched with disgust but then he turned around and unexpectedly wrapped his arms around the slender blonde detective. She was a little surprised at first, Fin wasn't one for physical affection, but she rested her head on his shoulder anyway and relaxed into the embrace. While he held her his eyes found Olivia's and all she saw was pride.

"Congratulations," Nick said and shook Olivia's hand. It was followed by a peck on the cheek from Munch. When Fin let go of Amanda, he shook Olivia's hand too. They shared a look, one that spoke a thousand words. Fin was the type of guy who appeared tough from the outside but had a kind, warm and caring soul. Not everyone got to see it but Olivia did, right now. The smile across her face reached her eyes and they continued looking at each other, sharing a moment of silence that could never be overpowered by words.

"So, Rollins, you're on full desk duty until you push those babies out," Cragen said as he came walking out of his office and briefly inspected the ultra sound pictures. He glanced up at the two detectives after taking in the image and Olivia was briefly reminded of how he had once mentioned he had never had children of his own. She could relate to his pain and his anguish. Until recently she too had believed she'd never have a family of her own. "I have informed the DA's office of your pregnancy and they'll attempt to push any trial dates you're expected to appear for forward."

"Thanks, Cap," Amanda smiled as she collected the ultra sound pictures and pushed them back in her bag. People dispersed and went back to their business. She watched them for a little while. She had really settled in here. This was her home more than Atlanta had ever been, even if Georgia was still in her blood and she still wore her Falcon shirt with pride.

"Liv, Alex wants to see you." Cragen's voice hinted at something serious and the dark haired detective looked up. She had been about to log into her computer but stopped and reached for her handbag. "She said she starts arraignment at eleven. Meet her at the courthouse."

"This has got to be about the Bellamy trial," Olivia sighed as she grabbed her coat. "Six freaking weeks and they still haven't got it sorted. They should have given the case to Manhattan SVU in the first place."

"Well, they didn't," Cragen answered and their gazes locked. "DA's office didn't think it was right if SVU investigated the case a second time." Olivia was about to interject but he cut her off. "Novak's signature is all over that case. It's the only reason they didn't let us do this and you know it. It had nothing to do with us."

"It's not Casey's fault either," Olivia snapped. "And it's even nastier because she's not here to defend herself. The defence is just trying to get that bastard out of jail. For all we know he paid some freak to do the job for him. Wouldn't be the first perp with connections to the outside world. Also wouldn't be the first one to try and get out of prison by using someone else to do the dirty work."

"Talk to Alex," Cragen urged. "She'll know more."

Olivia huffed in irritation and zipped up her coat before leaving her desk. She declined Nick's offer to drive her to the courthouse, saying she'd take the subway instead. She needed time to organise her thoughts anyway. Somewhere in the midst of that complete mass was the fact she was going to become a mother in less than eight months' time. It was a happy thought but it was the only happy thought. As she left the precinct and made her way to the nearest subway station, the images from the various crime scenes flooded her mind. The anger she had felt about not being put back on the case reignited in the pit of her stomach and by the time she left the train and walked the last two blocks to the courthouse, she was positively livid.

She found Alex on the steps of the courthouse. The blonde attorney was fumbling with her cell phone and was clearly waiting for the brunette detective. She glanced at her watch when she saw Olivia walk towards her. "I didn't think you were going to show up."

"Sorry," Olivia answered without explaining why she was late. "Cragen said you wanted to talk to me."

"I got this from the defence this morning," Alex said and handed Olivia the file. "Brooklyn Sex Crimes finished their investigation and concluded that it is highly probable that someone other than Bellamy committed the last rape and murder. He's getting a new trial."

"Son of a bitch," Olivia hissed as she slammed the file shut and shook her head. "He's guilty, Alex. I know he did it. I didn't have a doubt about it then and I don't have a doubt about it now. Bellamy's defence is just looking at SVU because we made a mistake in the past." She rolled her eyes. "I wondered if there was going to be a backlash about this. Guess I was right, eh?"

"I'm doing everything I can," Alex answered. She sounded helpless and her blue eyes reflected desperation. She readjusted her black rimmed glasses and pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "I'm hoping Petrovsky will be assigned the case. She did the original trial and she knows Casey's not to blame for this."

"Any luck getting hold of her?" Olivia asked but Alex shook her head. "For God sake, Alex! Casey came back to New York before Christmas. Why doesn't the DA's office know where she is?"

"She's on loan to Albany," Alex explained. "McCoy's idea of welcoming her back, I guess. I've left several messages but she hasn't called me back." Her eyes softened and she searched the detective's face. Suddenly she remembered the date and her hand reached for Olivia's. The touch snapped the older woman back into reality. "Hey, didn't you and Amanda go for your ultra sound this morning?"

"Yes," Olivia smiled, suddenly reminded of the happiness in her life. The memory of the two tiny heartbeats on the screen erased any anger over the Bellamy case. "Everything looked fine." Her brown eyes lit up like the sky on a summer's day and a pink blush crept across her cheeks. "There were two heartbeats, Alex. We're having twins."

"Oh, Liv!"

Alex's arms wrapped around Olivia's neck and she pulled the detective against her chest. They stood like this, in an embrace they had shared plenty of times before. It was a silent reminder of how their relationship had changed and when they parted they shared a look that said they both knew. Even though they had both moved on, neither would ever be able to deny that something other than friendship had once existed between them. The flame of love and passion had long since died but the memory was still there and sometimes, in an unguarded moment, they both felt it again. They were friends now and it was the best thing they could be but nothing could erase the past.

"I have got to go in for arraignment," Alex said after a silence that lasted several seconds. "I'll come by the precinct later, once I'm done here. I need Fin's statement on the Gardner case and Amanda's DD5 to add to the Lewis trial." She pulled a face. "Paperwork never ends."

Olivia's cell phone vibrated in her pocket and when she took it out she saw Amaro's name flash on the caller ID screen. "Neither does crime." She smiled. "I'll see you later." As she answered her phone she watched the blonde attorney disappear into the courthouse building. She then focused on Nick's voice on the other side. "Where did you say?" Her eyes scanned her surroundings. "OK, I'm still at the courthouse. I'll take a cab and meet you there. Stop off and get some coffee, allright?"

~()~

It was late by the time Amanda and Olivia left the precinct. It was Olivia's idea to pick up take out and they stopped off at their favourite Chinese before driving home. Traffic had slowed down after evening rush hour but it was still nearly half past eight when Amanda stuck her key in the door and heaved a sigh of relief when she stepped into the house and kicked off her boots. Olivia carried the bag of take-out inside and went straight to the kitchen as Amanda fell down on the couch and curled her legs up underneath her.

A couple minutes later Olivia came back in carrying two plates and two forks and handed one set to Amanda. She sat down beside her girlfriend but instead of eating she just looked at the blonde.

"What ya lookin' at?" Amanda asked as she put a forkful of food in her mouth.

"The woman who changed my life," Olivia smiled. She quickly reached out to wipe some sweet and sour sauce from Amanda's chin. Their gazes locked. "I love you, Amanda."

"I love you too, Liv," Amanda whispered. She put her plate down on the coffee table and scooted closer to the brunette until she rested her head against Olivia's chest. She didn't care about her food anymore. All she wanted was to be with Olivia. "Who would have thought, eh? I bet there were some people out there who thought we were never gonna make it."

"They're idiots," Olivia chuckled. "The world's full of them."

"Good thing I found the one clever woman out there then," Amanda smiled as she lifted herself up to steal a kiss. "I don't cope well with idiots."

Olivia's lips brushed against Amanda's again. The desire settled in her stomach and her strong arms snaked around the smaller woman and pulled her on top of her. Amanda's knees pressed down ointo the couch on either side of Olivia's hips and when Olivia looked up she found Amanda's blue eyes had darkened by several shades. She knew that look of lust and she ran her fingers through Amanda's golden hair.

"Maybe we shouldn't have bothered with the take-out," she whispered before leaning in for a kiss. The tip of her tongue pressed against Amanda's and the younger woman willingly let her in. They kissed until the need for oxygen forced them apart. Amanda's hands had linked with Olivia's and she pulled the brunette detective to her feet. The plates were left behind on the table as she began to guide Olivia towards the stairs.

"Forget about take out," she smiled as they made their way upstairs. "I know somethin' much tastier…"


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note:** Well, that took some time! Bloody hell, I think was trying to kill me or something. Anyway, I have finished now for the holidays and am all settled for Christmas. I wrote this little update today and I hope that it makes you guys as happy as it made me while I was writing it. Enjoy it and I promise I'll do my best not to take this long to update again!

* * *

**Chapter 10**

_So often it happens_  
_ That words prove useless_  
_ In the face of how it feels_  
_ So it is as the mystery of love_  
_ Keeps growing_  
_ The more my heart reveals_  
_David Gray - Mystery of Love**  
**_

Amanda's shirt didn't even make it into the bedroom and ended up on the draped across the banister. Olivia's jeans were left abandoned in the bedroom doorway. Their bodies were tangled up in a mess of limbs. Hands wandered over warm, glowing skin and Amanda moaned softly when Olivia's lips nipped at her bottom lip. Her blue eyes darkened with lust and she pulled the older woman's shirt over her head, revealing the white laced bra Olivia wore underneath. The contrast of the virgin material against the olive skin sent Amanda's mind reeling and she attacked Olivia's neck with desire, leaving behind a dark purple nark as she continued to kiss her way down.

Olivia's slender fingers fumbled with the button of Amanda's jeans and she quickly peeled the material down her girlfriend's thighs. Amanda stepped out of the denim and clamped her arms around her lover's back as she pulled her towards the bed. She landed on her back against the soft pillows and Olivia landed on top of her. The brunette was quick was to straddle the younger woman and hovered over her. Intense brown eyes met blue and a smile danced across her face.

"You're so beautiful," Olivia whispered as she softly kissed Amanda's forehead and let her fingers trail through golden hair. "I love you."

"I love you too," Amanda breathed, her back arching off the bed when she felt Olivia's hands ghost across her abdomen. The goose bumps were instant and she chuckled when Olivia's fingers lingered a little too long on the cotton of her panties. She knew her girlfriend could feel her arousal and she bit down on her lip when Olivia's hand dipped between her thighs before coming back up. Their gazes locked and Amanda could see how much Olivia loved her. The emotions reflected in those coffee coloured eyes. It was as if she could see into the other woman's soul.

Olivia's lips found Amanda's for another kiss and she willingly let Olivia in. She managed to unhook Olivia's bra and it fell away from her body before disappearing somewhere in the now tangled sheets. Olivia moved until she was now resting against Amanda's thigh and whimpered when her girlfriend slightly raised her leg and pressed down against her centre. This was something they had done many times before and Amanda knew Olivia loved it. The older woman could feel the blonde smile into their kiss and slowly pulled away. She kissed the side of Amanda's neck down across her chest until she reached her bra and unhooked it.

Amanda's breath caught in her throat when warm lips closed around a swollen nipple and her fingers threaded her lover's chestnut hair just as Olivia's teeth grazed across her breast. She hissed something incoherent, turned on by the sudden sharpness of pain, and her leg jerked in response, causing the veteran detective's body to momentarily still. Amanda used this opportunity to raise herself off the bed and hooked her fingers behind Olivia's panties, pulling them down. When she felt her girlfriend's naked core against her skin, Amanda realised just how aroused Olivia was.

Strong hands grabbed hold of the older woman's hips as Olivia slowly rose to her full figure, grinding her body against Amanda's. Amanda took in the mesmerizing sight in front of her. Olivia Benson was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and not a day went by that she didn't consider herself blessed to be the one Olivia chose to spend her life with. Olivia's full breasts moved in the same rhythm as the rest of her body and Amanda cupped one of them, her thumb and index finger tweaking the perk nipple. Olivia looked down at her through heavy lidded eyes.

Olivia's fingers encountered the swell of Amanda's breast and her gaze danced across the creamy skin, now covered in a fine layer of sweat. She loved every single thing about this body. From the perfect little spot just underneath Amanda's ear that would make her melt beneath her touch to the scars that covered her skin from all the times she'd injured herself. She loved it, with all the imperfections and all the hidden spots the rest of the world never got to see. She moaned when she felt Amanda's fingers clamp down on her hips. The touch would surely leave bruises.

In the pit of her stomach the orgasm started to build and she increased her movements. Her brown curls were cascading down her back and she groaned when Amanda's fingers pinched her left nipple before moving on to the right. She knew exactly what buttons to pinch. Olivia's hands slipped away from Amanda's body and rose up above her head, knowing how her girlfriend loved to see her in all her naked glory.

Blue eyes flicked from Olivia's face down to her chest and Amanda gasped at the stunning sight. Both her hands now grabbed a firm hold of the older woman's hips and pressed her down harder against her body. Olivia's moves became more urgent, signalling the imminent arrival or her orgasm, and Amanda felt her girlfriend's wetness pool against her thigh. It set her insides on fire and the heat between her legs intensified.

"Show me everythin'," Amanda whispered with a deep, seductive voice, her Southern accent thick as she spoke. "Let me see you, Olivia."

The words pushed her over the edge and Olivia eyes snapped wide open for a split second before falling shut. A low, passionate moan escaped from the back of her throat followed by an outcry of desire and her body shuddered and trembled, her hands covering Amanda's on her hips. The orgasm shot through her body like electricity and Amanda watched every second of it. When Olivia's eyes opened again, all she saw was pure love and the older woman leant in, bringing their lips together in a searing kiss that took Amanda's breath away. She could taste the salty sweat on her lover's lips and loving fingers stroked aside damp brown hair.

Olivia whispered declarations of love into the kiss over and over again and their bodies moved together in a display of passion. Her warm lips journeyed down across Amanda's chest. Teeth grazed across hardened nipples as her hands squeezed and caressed Amanda's breasts. She loved how her girlfriend's body would rise of the bed when she did just that, circling perk nipples in that teasing way, her fingers travelling down further and further but lingering right above the triangle between the blonde's legs. She felt the heat and the wetness through the cotton of Amanda's panties and Amanda didn't need persuading to raise her hips of the mattress so Olivia could pull it down.

Their bodies were pressed together, the intimacy between them something they cherished so much. Olivia's hands trailed down Amanda's arms before sliding back up across her stomach, swirling over her breasts and finding her face. She kissed her lips, the side of her neck and collarbone and eventually her breasts. Amanda's fingers caressed the back of Olivia's neck as the older woman kissed her way further down, eventually reaching the triangle between Amanda's legs. She slid one arm underneath her thigh, gently pulling her girlfriends' legs further apart.

"Oh God," Amanda breathed when she felt Olivia's tongue slide through her slick folds and cried out softly when the dark haired detective slid two fingers inside of her. The tip of Olivia's tongue flicked over the swollen bundle of nerves at Amanda's centre and she enjoyed the delightful moans coming from Amanda's mouth. The nails of her free hands scratched along the burning flesh of her lover's thigh and she felt Amanda shudder beneath the touch.

The fluttering in her stomach combined with the ache she felt throbbing between her legs, drove Amanda crazy. She grabbed two fistfuls of dark brown hair when she felt Olivia suck down on her clit and her body arched up. Her heart hammered in her chest and the fine layer of sweat glistened in the valley between her breasts. She needed this, she needed all of it. She needed Olivia.

Olivia felt Amanda tighten around her fingers and her teeth grazed over the now hardened nerve bundle, followed by a slow flick of her tongue. The blonde woman's hips bucked up in an attempt to feel Olivia deeper inside of her. Olivia smiled, feeling Amanda's orgasm shoot through her body and quickly increased the speed of her fingers thrusting inside of her. The raw cry of lust escaping Amanda's throat bounced off the bedroom walls and lingered in the room for a little while longer as soft whimpers of desire slipped over the Southerner's lips.

It wasn't until Amanda's hands slowly pushed Olivia away, silently beckoning her to stop, that the older woman moved and climbed her way back up the bed. She lay herself down beside Amanda and her fingers ghosted across the still flat stomach, suddenly very aware of the life that was growing inside of it. When Amanda turned her head to look at her girlfriend she saw the smile on her lips.

"We have done pretty damn well, haven't we?"

"We have," Olivia agreed as she rested her head on Amanda's chest and pulled the comforter over their naked bodies. "We've come this far."

"There's somethin' I've been meanin' to talk to you about," Amanda whispered and kissed Olivia's hair. "I always had this whole idea about it being all romantic and stuff but now is as good a time as any." She felt Olivia shift so that they could look at each other and their gazes locked.

"What is it?"

"You ever think about getting' married?"

Olivia arched an eyebrow. "You serious?"

"I think I am," Amanda admitted. "I mean, I never thought I'd ever would, you know. Most states don't allow it, I know Georgia doesn't anyway but New York does. It don't have to be anything big. Just to know that it is real, you know." Her hand slid down to her stomach. "It will make things easier for you when these two peanuts are born too."

Olivia brown eyes searched Amanda's face. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

"Since I found out I'm pregnant." Amanda sighed. "Liv, if it's something you don't wanna do then there's no need for us to do it. I was just lookin' at it from a legal point of view. If somethin' were to happen to me…."

"Nothing's going to happen to you, Amanda."

"I know that but I don't ever want our children to lose both their parents. I want them to be yours too, Liv. They are yours."

"I never thought about getting married," Olivia said softly. Her hand covered Amanda's and she drew small, meaningless circles on her lover's skin. When she felt the sudden tension in the blonde's body she realised how her words sounded and she quickly leant in and kissed her. "Because I never thought I'd meet the person I'd wanna get married to." Another kiss. "But now I have you."

"I ain't going anywhere anytime soon," Amanda grinned as she snuggled a little closer to Olivia's warm body. "You get to put up with my mornin' sickness for a little while longer."

"Lovely," Olivia teased. She brought her lips close to Amanda's ear and felt her girlfriend shiver as her breath danced across glowing skin. "One day, I'd love to marry you, Amanda Rollins."

"Any day you wanna make an honest woman out of me…" Amanda whispered. Her voice was thick with sleep and her eyes slowly started to close. "I'll be runnin' down the aisle for you, Olivia."

Olivia smiled as she watched her girlfriend drift off to sleep and brushed some of the blonde hair out of her eyes. "I'll be right there waiting, Amanda."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note:** Hey everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's! Sorry for the delay in updates but I've been away for the holidays and didn't really get a chance to write. SVU was back last night and I have yet to see the episode but I'll try and do it as soon as I can. I wrote this update in an hour. I was going to do things differently but as I wrote, the things just unfolded the way they did which seemed far more natural. I hope you guys enjoy it. Let me know!

* * *

**Chapter 11**

_You keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open_  
_So this world can't find a way to leave you cold_  
_And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean_  
_Save your strength for things that you can change_  
_Forgive the ones you can't_  
_You gotta let 'em go_  
_~Zac Brown Band - Let It Go**  
**_

12 weeks & 3 days pregnant

A lot had changed in six weeks. After seeing their babies for the first time on the screen at the clinic, Amanda had become very aware of the new life growing inside of her. The morning sickness continued but today was the first day where she woke up and didn't feel like puking her guts out. She'd gotten used to her breasts aching all day every day – and they had managed to grow to cup sizes in just three months, much to Olivia's approval- but as she padded across the bedroom into the bathroom she became very aware of the fact that she didn't feel any aches or pains at all.

"Does it really happen like that?" she wondered as she picked her toothbrush up from the shelf and applied toothpaste. "Does it really just stop?"

She read her book about pregnancy every night and it did mention that the uncomfortable morning sickness, tiredness and aching breasts would usually wear off near the end of the first trimester. According to her calendar she was now twelve weeks and three days pregnant and today she and Olivia were going for their first ultra sound at the OBGYN.

"You talking to yourself again?"

Amanda looked up and in the mirror she saw Olivia leaning against the bathroom doorframe. Her chestnut hair fell down the sides of her face. She'd showered half an hour earlier, leaving the bathroom smelling of jasmine, and her hair was still slightly damp. It brought out the natural curls in her hair in that playful way Amanda liked so much. The veteran detective was dressed in smart black slacks, a burgundy button shirt and matching blazer. A smile danced across her face.

"Keeps me sane," Amanda smiled. She put down her toothbrush and turned around. "Guess what?!" Olivia arched an eyebrow and Amanda's smile widened. "No mornin' sickness."

"Really?" Olivia asked and walked into the bathroom. Her arms slipped around Amanda's waist. She nuzzled her nose into the blonde woman's neck, inhaling her natural morning scent. "I thought I'd have to hear you puking your guts up every morning for the next sixth months."

"I might end up missin' it," Amanda grinned and her blue eyes searched her girlfriend's face. "You all ready for court?"

Olivia nodded. "Should be an easy one."

"You'll do great."

They had this little ritual when one of them was due in court for a testimony. They would tell each other that things would go well, and most of the time they did. Alex was damn good at her job and most perps regretted ever crossing paths with her but there were cases where the evidence was weak or where a victim recanted or where the defence just played a downright dirty game. It were those cases that troubled everyone and Amanda knew that they troubled Olivia in particular.

Over the last six weeks the Bellamy trial had been eating at the brown haired detective. The realisation she hadn't been wrong all those years ago didn't do anything to change the anger and frustration she felt about a rapist being back on the streets. SVU wasn't allowed to investigate Bellamy a second time but every detective in the unit knew exactly what was happening. Bellamy was being watched and if he made one wrong move, they'd nail his ass but Amanda knew that Olivia struggled with the guilt about another woman getting hurt. She understood that guilt. She had felt it herself. To have to stand by and watch, wait, for something to happen, knowing there's nothing you can do, is the worst thing to have to do a detective. It was part of the job but it wasn't a part anyone liked.

"I'll swing by the precinct and pick you up," Olivia said. She'd registered the absent look in Amanda's eyes and knew the younger woman had read her mind. She didn't want Amanda to worry, not in her position, but she knew the blonde well enough to know that Amanda just couldn't help herself. She recognised a lot of herself in Amanda and it was frightening to see how alike they were in some ways. Perhaps that was why they worked so well together as a couple, because they understood each other to the very core.

"Sure," Amanda smiled. "You'd better hurry. Don't wanna be late for court. Car keys are on the table in the kitchen. I'll take the subway."

Olivia leant in and kissed Amanda. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Amanda watched how Olivia left the bathroom and she leant against the sink. A few years ago she wouldn't have believed she could lead a life like this. It was just her and Olivia, in their dream home. They were both working but they kissed each other goodnight or good morning every day. She'd never have believed she could share her life with anyone this way. She'd settled down; found the rest she'd always been looking for. Olivia had calmed her down. The older woman had managed to distract her from the path of self-destruction in the same way Amanda had saved Olivia. They were each other's comfort, each other's saviour.

She heard the front door slam and was roused from her thoughts. Amanda left the bathroom and padded back into the bedroom. She picked up a clean pair of jeans and slipped in them. As she went to do the zip up she frowned when it wouldn't go all the way up. She attempted to do the button up but the two ends of the jeans didn't meet. There was a gap about three inches wide.

"What the…," she muttered and turned towards the mirror. She lifted up the tank top she was wearing and revealed her stomach. It still looked almost as flat as it had been before but now that she looked closely she noticed the slight bump beginning to form. Her hands slid down and over her stomach. It was unmistakable. It had expanded. She could feel it underneath her fingers.

"I don't believe this," Amanda whispered as she peeled the jeans down her legs before stepping out of them. She threw them on the bed and opened the closet. She pulled out a pair of black slacks that had always been a loose fit and slipped them on. When it came to zipping and buttoning it up, it was a tight squeeze but she managed anyway. She found a simple long sleeved white shirt and pulled it over her head. She brushed her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail out of habit.

She finished off her morning routine, made her way down the stairs and found her wallet on the kitchen table. She grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl, took a swirl from the milk carton in the fridge and vowed to pick up a donut as soon as she left the subway. She grabbed her set of keys and walked out of the front door. She locked it and made her way down the path and out of the gate. It was when she looked up that she noticed the car pulling out from the parking space across the street.

Instinctively her eyes narrowed and she looked at the license plate. It was a New York plate. The car didn't look suspicious at all but somehow it drew her attention anyway. It looked like your average family car and she could have sworn she saw a sticker that said "Cool Kid On Board" on the rear window. Amanda shook her head and continued her way down the road. As she walked she text Olivia.

_I couldn't fit into my jeans this morning. I guess this is the beginning of the end._

She reached the subway station after about a fifteen minute walk, swiped her card and managed to catch the next train. She found a seat near the window and fumbled with her phone to avoid making eye contact with the creepy guy sitting in front of her. The journey into Manhattan was smooth and painless and the creepy guy got off two stops before hers and Amanda sighed in relief. She remembered to pick up something to eat and eventually walked into the precinct a little after eight thirty. It was later than normal but Cragen had told her to taker her time in the morning.

"Hey," she said as she slipped into her chair. Amaro's desk was empty and she guessed he was in court with Olivia. Fin and Munch were in. Fin was looking at something on his computer screen. He looked up when the blonde walked in.

"Allright?" he queried and she nodded.

"If you don't count the fact I didn't fit in my jeans this mornin'."

"Happens when you're knocked up."

"Really?" Amanda smirked. "I thought I'd be sportin' this bikini figure all the way through." Her eyes darted to Cragen's office. The door was closed and the blinds drawn. "What's goin' on in there?"

"Been like this since we got here," Munch answered. "First we thought Amaro managed to piss the Police Commissioner off again but Nick reckons he did no such thing."

"What Nick things he did and what the Police Commissioner thinks he did are two different things," Amanda chuckled and reached for one of the files on her desk. She'd left it there the previous night with the intention of finishing it off first thing this morning. "You sure it ain't about him?"

"Never say never but my gut tells me it's something else," Munch said.

Fin rolled his eyes. "Your gut tells me you need to lay off the burritos."

Amanda laughed. "What you workin' on?"

"Pritchard case."

"The little boy who accused his male babysitter of molestin' him?" Amanda asked and Fin nodded. "His parents are properly lawyers, right? Plenty of money, got ties to One PP?" When she saw Fin's face she knew she'd hit the nail on the head. Cases like this were politically sensitive and sometimes they felt like Bambi on ice trying to tie the ends together. "You interview the kid yet?"

Fin shook his head. "Parents weren't happy with men being in the room and Liv's on court all day. I get they don't want a male near their kid but if he were mine, I would have done anythin' to bust that babysitter's balls."

"You forget one thing," Munch piped up and Amanda's eyes snapped up. "Babysitter's name is also Pritchard."

"He's related to the victim?" Amanda asked in surprise.

"Half-brother," Fin explained. "Suspect's seventeen, kid's four. Father remarried a few years ago."

Amanda leant back in her chair and shook her head. "No wonder the parents don't wanna talk. He molested his little brother?! What's the kid's name?"

"Nathan," Fin answered. "Stepbrother's name is Charlie."

"I could talk to him," Amanda said casually. "If Liv's in court all day…"

"Aren't you supposed to be doing paperwork?" Munch asked. "Last I checked, interviewing a child doesn't constitute paperwork."

Amanda's eyes darkened. "I'm pregnant, not handicapped."

"Rollins, talk to the boy."

Cragen's voice surprised the three detectives and Amanda blinked a few times before nodding. She rummaged through her drawers to find her notepad and pen. "Is the special interview room set up?" Fin nodded. "You think you could watch? I mean, you might see somethin' I miss when talkin' to him."

"I'll observe, Detective Rollins."

An unfamiliar woman's voice brought Amanda's attention back to Cragen. It was only now that she realised there was another person standing in the squad room. Dressed in an expensive pant suit and matching high heeled pumps and clutching a suitcase, the dark haired woman looked impressive and fierce. Dark eyes found Amanda's across the distance of the squad room and what she was the intense, piercing gaze of an attorney. This was a woman who knew people, who could read them, and didn't take any prisoners.

"Well, well, well," Munch said as he rose up from his chair. "Nice to see you again, councillor."

Fin and Amanda looked at each other in surprise. Neither of the two detectives knew who the other woman was but Munch seemed familiar with her. They watched as the older detective shook the brunette's hand.

"U.S Attorney's office got boring for you?" Munch inquired.

"It was time for a change," the woman answered and Amanda detected the Texas accent. This woman was Southern, like herself.

"Detectives, meet Assistant District Attorney Abigail Carmichael," Cragen said and Fin's eyes lit up with recognition. Cragen pointed at the detectives. "Fin Tutuola and Amanda Rollins." His hand then swept across the air towards the other set of desks. "Nick Amaro's in court and…"

"Olivia Benson is too," Abigail Carmichael cut Cragen off. "I spoke to Alexandra Cabot last night. She mentioned Detective Benson." Her dark brown eyes found Amanda. "You mentioned interviewing a victim?"

"Nathan Pritchard, four years old," Amanda clarified. She was a little unsettled by Carmichael's unexpected arrival. "He claims his seventeen year old stepbrother molested him. Parents insist a female detective performs the interview." Her blue eyes briefly met Fin's and he nodded before handing her the file. Amanda looked back at Abigail Carmichael and found her smiling. She smiled herself and gestured towards the interview rooms. "If you'll follow me, councillor?"

The two women left the squad room and once they were out of hearing range, Fin turned to Munch. Cragen had gone back to his office, closing the door once again. The quiet signal told them that the arrival of Abigail Carmichael wasn't open for debate. The two detectives looked at each other and Fin pointed in the direction Amanda and the attorney had disappeared in.

"I heard about Carmichael," he said. "Her reputation lived on long after she left." He paused. "What is she doing here?"

Munch shook his head. "I don't know but whatever it is, it won't be anything good."


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note:** I'm back in business and writing like crazy for this story. You guys are awesome! Also, I'm still reeling over the nickname Georgia Peach. COME ON!

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**Chapter 12**

_Lying here beside you, _  
_I hear the echoes of your sighs. _  
_Promise me you'll stay with me, _  
_and keep me warm tonight._  
_~Alabama - Feels So Right**  
**_

Olivia and Nick walked into the squad room just before lunch. Olivia felt agitated. The trial hadn't gone the way everyone expected and although the testimony she'd given had been solid under cross examination, she was worried the jury would be left with enough reasonable doubt to find the perp not guilty. Alex had done what she could, releasing her inner pit bull when questioning a key defence witness and gaining some of the momentum back in their favour. Olivia threw her blazer on the back of her chair in anger and her eyes darted around the room.

She found Fin at his desk. "Where's Amanda?"

Their appointment was in an hour. They would have to leave in the next fifteen minutes if they were gonna make it on time.

"Interviewing the Pritchard kid," Fin answered and Olivia's eyes narrowed.

"I thought she wasn't supposed to do interviews anymore?"

"Cragen's orders," Fin answered and pointed at the captain's office. The blinds were open but the door still closed. Throughout the morning he and Munch had pondered what was going on. Abigail Carmichael had a reputation of being fierce. She'd left the DA's office for a job at the U.S Attorney's office years ago and coming back as an ADA seemed a step backwards. In fact, it seemed like an unlikely step for someone with Abbie's ambitions. It only confirmed their suspicion something bad was happening.

Olivia leant against her desk. "Who's observing?"

Fin's eyes met Olivia's and he chose his words carefully before answering. "An old friend."

Olivia frowned and turned on her heel. She walked out of the squad room and down the brightly lit corridor to the specially designed interview room for children. It was on the other side of the department, to keep children away from perps. Olivia was proud of their children's room. The walls had been painted in soft pastel tints and it was full of toys. Children felt more comfortable in surroundings where they could play. It was often through play that they showed or told what had happened to them.

Olivia turned the corner and froze when she noticed the individual standing outside the interview room. Their nose was almost pressed against the glass and their fingers were on the sound system, having turned the volume all the way up. Olivia recognised Amanda's voice immediately and she smiled subconsciously to herself. But her eyes were then drawn back to the tall, dark haired individual by the window. Dressed in an expensive suit and with a leather briefcase at their feet, Olivia didn't need to see their face to recognise them.

"Abbie."

The brunette slowly turned around at the mention of her name, a grin tugging at her cheeks. "Hello, Olivia."

"It's been a long time," Olivia said apprehensively as she took in the appearance of Abigail Carmichael. It had been well over ten years since she had last seen the brunette but she hadn't changed a bit. She had aged a little around her eyes but she looked the same in every other way. Her dark hair framed her high cheek bones and her coffee coloured eyes were as inquisitive and sharp as ever. The Texas lilt in her voice was still there, even after all these years in New York.

"No hug for an old friend?" Abbie asked. If she picked up on Olivia's unease about her being here, she didn't show it. She stepped towards the veteran detective and opened her arms. Olivia closed the distance between them and awkwardly wrapped her arms around Abbie's back. Immediately she picked up the perfume she knew so well and swallowed. She stepped away before the hug lasted too long and glanced at the other woman from head to toe.

"What are you doing here?" she wanted to know.

Abbie pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I've been drafted back in."

"Really? You're telling me you walked away from a job at the U.S Attorney's office to join SVU?" Olivia asked suspiciously. Her eyes hardened. "I didn't go to law school, Abbie, but don't play me like I'm stupid."

"Some things never change," Abbie pointed out but the smile on her face faltered. "I got a call from Jack McCoy a couple of weeks ago. He said stuff was going down in Manhattan SVU and he wanted someone to oversee it." Her eyes met Olivia's. "I'm here to assess the sinking ship. Question that needs to be answered is if it's worth trying to save it or do we need to abandon it?"

Olivia's jaw dropped. "SVU's under investigation? Is this because of the Bellamy case?"

"It's not just the Bellamy case," Abbie countered. "Mistakes have been made over the years, Olivia, but the Bellamy case has put SVU in a bad light. McCoy seems to think it's time to look for the rotten apple." Her face was emotionless, as if she wasn't talking to someone who had spent the last ffitreen years of their life working for this unit. "He's assigned me as a temporary ADA for SVU. Alexandra Cabot is allowed to finish her cases currently on trial but everything else will be handed over to me."

"Alex is the rotten apple?" Olivia spat. "I think McCoy has finally lost his mind!"

"SVU's been shaky sine the whole thing with Stabler," Abbie interjected and Olivia's eyes snapped back at the dark haired prosecutor. Abbie knew about the shooting and about Elliot leaving. Somewhere she wasn't even surprised. "It's been an accident waiting to happen, Olivia. People work together for too long, lines become blurred. Stabler was a danger to this unit but there are still questions to be answered."

Olivia shook her head. Disbelief and anger flickered behind her eyes. "McCoy doesn't know what he's messing with."

Abbie glanced back at the interview room. "But I do."

Inside the room Amanda was sitting at the table, on one of the tiny chairs. Next to hear sat Nathan Pritchard, four years old. He had beautiful blonde curly hair and blue eyes, creating the look of an angel. He'd been drawing pictures for the past two hours and the images had gotten darker and less coordinated as time went on. He'd answered some of Amanda's questions as she spoke in a soft voice. It had taken her a little while to earn his trust but now he had finally opened up to her and told her, in his own words, what his stepbrother had done to him. The pictures he drew matched what he was saying and Abbie found that at some point she had swallowed hard feeling her stomach drop when this little boy described the abuse he had suffered.

"She's good," Abbie observed and Olivia's eyes darted from the prosecutor's face to Amanda inside the room. "I've been listening to her talk to this kid for two hours."

"She's brilliant," Olivia muttered. "Did you get everything you need?"

"More than enough for arraignment and probably more than enough to put his half-brother's ass in prison for a long while," Abbie answered and she softly tapped the window. Amanda looked up, recognising the sound, and then looked back at Nathan. She softly asked him if he wanted to see his parents now and he nodded. They left the drawings on the table and as they walked out of the room, the little boy reached for Amanda's hand in support. Together they left the interview room and Amanda knelt down onto the floor so she could look Nathan in the eye.

"Nathan, honey, Abbie's going to take you back to your mom and dad, aight?" Amanda said softly. "If you wanna talk to me again, just tell your parents to call me and I'll be right here."

Olivia saw the sadness in Nathan's eyes and her heart broke. Another child tainted by the perversity of mankind. His own half-brother had abused him, scarring him for life. He was too young and too little to deal with what had happened to him. Olivia had seen grown man fall apart in their interview rooms when they relived what was done to them as a child. She was frightened for Nathan, for the life he would have as he got older. The demons would lurk under his bed, in the shadows of the night, and they would always be there. He would spend the rest of his life fighting them off.

Amanda and Olivia watched Abbie walk away with Nathan and once the brunette was out of hearing range, Olivia turned to Amanda and unexpectedly wrapped her arms around her neck. Amanda, a little stunned, snaked her arms around Olivia's waist and rested her head on her shoulder. "What's wrong?" she whispered. "Liv?"

"I love you," Olivia replied. "When I saw you talk to him, how he held your hand, I saw what a great mother yoy're going to be."

What she didn't say was the fear and the worry she experienced too. For the first time she found herself confronted with the monsters of the world and related them to her own children, still growing inside Amanda. There would be people out there who wanted to hurt their babies. That thought had never crossed her mind before until now. The fear had settled in her heart and she knew she couldn't let it win but suddenly she understood what Fin and Elliot had meant when they said they worried about the crap they saw on the job every day. They both feared for their kids and now she knew why. She was about to become a mother and she finally felt that same fear, that same anguish. When she looked at Amanda and saw the look in her blue eyes she realised her girlfriend had felt it too.

"I kept thinkin' about the little beans growin' inside me when I was talkin' to him," Amanda admitted. "I couldn't stop thinkin' about the dangers of the world they're going to grow up in."

"Any person who wants to go near our kids has to go past you and your shot gun firs," Olivia teased, trying to erase some of the tension. Her hand caressed Amanda's stomach and she arched an eyebrow. "You weren't joking, were you?"

"About what?"

"About not fitting into your jeans."

Amanda looked up. "You saying I'm fat?"

"I'm saying I can feel a bump," Olivia whispered and her hand continued to caress Amanda's stomach. The smile on her face returned and spread to her eyes. "They're growing."

"And fast," Amanda pointed out. "I only wore those jeans last week and now they won't go up!"

"I think we'd better see how much they've grown," Olivia smiled and took Amanda's hand. "Let's go."

~()~

The receptionist at the OBGYN let them through immediately and Olivia and Amanda met Dr. Lisa Torres in the consultation room. She'd already set up the ultra sound machine and after quickly checking through Amanda's notes the asked the blonde to get on the table. Olivia pulled up a chair and Dr. Torres carefully lifted up Amanda's shirt, exposing her stomach. Almost immediately the Latina's eyes lit up.

"Having any trouble fitting in your clothes, Amanda?"

"I guess it shows, huh?" Amanda asked and looked at her doctor. "I first noticed it this morning."

"Give it a few more weeks and the whole world will know. Most women don't start showing until they're about fifteen or sixteen weeks pregnant but then again, you're carrying two babies instead of one. Your pregnancy is going to be a little different from the standard ones," Lisa Torres answered. She placed her hands alongside Amanda's stomach and made eye contact. "Would you mind unbuttoning your pants for me? I hope you don't mind but my hands are a little cold."

Amanda shrugged, unbuttoned her pants to reveal her girlie light blue boxers and lay back. She didn't flinch when the doctor's cold hands made contact with her skin. She pressed along the sides of Amanda's stomach, down to her pelvic bone. She felt alongside the bottom of the bump, hiding just beneath the waistband of Amanda's boxers and smiled in approval.

"Everything feels perfectly fine there," she said. "Now let's take all your vitals. You look in perfect health to me but the forms state I have to do it."

She took Amanda's pulse and blood pressure and wrote the outcomes down. She then turned to the ultrasound machine and grinned. "There's a copy of your six week scan picture in your file but judging from the way you've grown, your babies have too. Let's have a look, shall we?"

Dr. Torres switched on the machine and took the wand. She applied the gel to Amanda's abdomen and made eye contact with Olivia. "If you don't mind me saying this, I know exactly how you're feeling right now. My partner and I went through this three years ago. We have two healthy boys to show for it. I am very happy for you. I am always happy for all my patients but sometimes there'd the odd one that's just that little bit more special."

Olivia blinked a few times and her cheeks instantly reddened. "Thank you." She looked back at Amanda with pride and love reflecting in her eyes.

"Here we go," Dr. Torres said and placed the wand on Amanda's stomach. She found the uterus almost straight away and the image was baffling. Two tiny little humanlike creatures were visible on the screen. They were larger than the last time they'd seen them when they'd looked nothing more like tiny blips on a screen. Now they looked like real babies, with a head and a body and even the beginnings of a face.

"Little dancers," Dr. Torres commented. "Look at them wiggling about."

"Oh my God," Amanda whispered. The tears welled up in her eyes and she grasped Olivia's hands. "Look at them!" Her blue eyes found Olivia's and the joy was undeniable.

"I see them," Olivia breathed. Tears glistened in her eyes too. "They seem to like it in there."

Dr. Torres smiled and pressed the wand a little firmer against Amanda's stomach. One of the babies seemed to kick and wiggle about a little more than before. "They can feel you but you can't feel them yet," she explained. "In a few weeks, they'll be kicking you and you'll be able to feel them move around but right now, if you prod your tummy, they'll try to prod you back."

"I can't believe it," Amanda sighed as she looked at the screen. "I don't think I've ever seen somethin' so beautiful in my whole life."

"Are they allright?" Olivia asked.

"Perfectly healthy," Dr. Torres answered. "That goes for the three of you." She smiled. "Babies are at the right size and development stage for this part of your pregnancy. How's the morning sickness?"

"Nothing since this morning," Amanda answered. "A little surprising but pleasant all the same."

"Good. Just keep taking your vitamins and continue to do your pelvic exercises and you should be fine," the doctor answered. She pressed the print button on the machine and a string of pictures was printed. Olivia and Amanda were still looking at the screen when it was turned off and once it went black they looked at each other. Their hands were linked together and Olivia's eyes drifted to Amanda's slightly extended stomach. This was real. This was their family.

"Come back at sixteen weeks and we'll do another ultrasound," Dr. Torres smiled and handed the print outs to Amanda before giving her a towel to wipe the gel from her stomach. "There is a chance that I'll be able to see the gender then, although it may not be as clear as on a twenty week scan." She looked up. "That is, if you want to know, of course."

Amanda glanced at Olivia and their smiles gave away their answer. "We want to know."

"Great. I'll see you in four weeks. If you have any concerns or worries, just call me. Day or night," Dr. Torres answered and watched how Amanda slid off the table. "Good luck."

"Thanks, Dr. Torres," Amanda smiled and linked her hand with Olivia's. The older woman was clutching the set of printed pictures and her smile spread from ear to ear. They left the OBGYN office and stepped out onto the streets of New York.

"We should celebrate somehow," Olivia said, looking down at the ultrasound pictures again.

Amanda grinned. "I guess you want me to cook my famous fried chicken, right?"

Olivia just grinned. "I'll take your cooking any night!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note:** Hey guys, sorry for the delay but I've gone back to work this week – which sucked, as was to be expected. However, I now have eight days off and I intend to write as much as I can. Stupid little me has three different stories on the go (if any of you like Rizzoli & Isles, I think you'll like my new story "365 Days") and I am trying to balance them all but sometimes I get a little lost. I have also been struck down with first cold of the year so I kinda feel like crap. Nothing that hot cups of tea and cosy blankets and TV marathons can't fix though!

* * *

**Chapter 13**

_Forever, you're a part of me. _  
_Forever, in the heart of me. _  
_And I'll hold you even longer if I can.  
~Diamond Rio - I Believe  
_

Instead of going back to the precinct Amanda and Olivia went to a small bistro half a block away from the OBGYN's office. They found a table in the back and although surrounded by business people who were clearly out for lunch, the atmosphere was cosy and comfortable. A waitress approached their table and took their order and once she was gone Olivia and Amanda looked through the different sonogram pictures they'd been given. Amanda's eyes lingered on the one where the two babies could clearly be seen together.

"We've passed the most critical stage now," Olivia said softly as she inspected a close up of one of the babies a little more closely. "I think this means we can start buying things now."

"Like that nursery set you've been eyein' up for weeks?" Amanda teased and Olivia looked her, her cheeks turning a deeper shade of pink. "I saw the magazine, Liv. It's in the kitchen."

"I always liked the idea of a white nursery set," Olivia admitted. "There's something very pure and soft about it." She shrugged. "Look at me. You've turned me into a softie."

"I've turned you into a softie?" Amanda laughed. "I think you did a pretty good job at it yourself."

"But we'll have the nursery set?" Olivia asked, peering through her eyelids at her girlfriend. The way she did it gave her something almost childlike and Amanda enjoyed it. It showed that Olivia was comfortable and didn't mind showing both her softer and her playful side. A smile spread across her face and she nodded.

"We'll have the nursery set." She grinned. "But you're gonna have to put in a few more weeks of overtime."

"Speaking of which," Olivia suddenly said and the smile on her face faded. "We'll all be doing plenty of that if Abbie Carmichael gets her way."

"What's the deal with her?" Amanda asked. "You know her, right?"

Olivia glanced back at the table surface. "Yeah, I know her."

Amanda's eyes narrowed. She knew about Olivia's various affairs with different ADA's at different times in her life. She has guessed about her and Alex but the others had come as a bit of a surprise. She slowly gathered the ultrasound pictures and put them in a small neat pile. Then she looked up. "How well do you know her?"

"Well enough to know that when Abbie Carmichael walks into your squad room, all hell is about to break lose," Olivia said and there was a dangerous undertone to her voice. One that tried to mask the anger and resentment she felt. "She worked as an ADA for SVU about fourteen years ago. Tried most of our cases before Alex was assigned to us. I never quite figured her out as a person but as a lawyer she is driven, passionate and focus. If you think Alex's a pit-bull then Abbie's a shark."

"Why is she here?" Amanda wanted to know.

"SVU is under investigation," Olivia said. "That's what Abbie told me anyway." She shook her head. "It's not like it's the first time but this time it feels different. Jack McCoy drafted her back in personally. He's never been too fond of SVU. I don't think he gets what it is we do and what we're up against."

"The DA asked for her to come back? Why are they investigatin' us?" Amanda asked.

"It's been a tough few years," Olivia sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "The shooting is probably going to be one of the things she'll look at. Elliot handed in his shield not long after but IA never fully finished their investigation. I always wondered if one day this would come back to haunt us and looks like it has. The Bellamy retrial is another thing that doesn't make us look good. Abbie says that she'll let Alex finish the cases already gone to trial but she'll be taking over the others which tells me Alex will be assigned to her desk and won't be seeing a courtroom from the inside for quite some time."

Amanda shook her head. "You didn't do anythin' wrong in that case and neither did Alex. Surely McCoy must know that?"

"You've not had the pleasure of meting him yet, have you?" Olivia asked. These days McCoy let his ADA's do the talking and it was rare for the detectives to ever see him. "Jack McCoy likes the law when it's on his side and he will go to any length to make sure it stays on his side. I've always found him to be a man of very little ethics. He was driven by the law and often overlooked the emotional aspect of cases. Emotions run high in SVU related cases. I don't think he ever quite got just how intense it can be. Besides, he never liked Alex or Casey very much."

"SVU's a great unit, Liv. They're not goin' to find anythin.'"

"A SVU detective shooting a teenage girl, an ADA whose rape trial goes back to court after new evidence has been found that puts the unit in bad light, another SVU detective who's had an affair with an ADA and didn't disclose…" Olivia grinned. "Numerous ADA's and didn't disclose.." She left a pause and chuckled before becoming serious. "And then Cragen who got caught up in the scandal of an high end escort service that made us all look bad. I'm sure McCoy can find dirt on us if he wants to."

"Question is how badly does he want to find it?" Amanda whispered, her eyes drawn back to the pictures of their babies in front of her. Now that Olivia mentioned the demons that still haunted SVU she was suddenly a lot less optimistic about the reasons Abbie Carmichael had walked into their squad room. A sense of worry settled in her chest and even though she told herself that things were going to be okay, she wasn't so sure she actually believed it.

The waitress returned with their order and handed Olivia her pasta salad and Amanda her French baguette with bacon, lettuce and tomato. She then put their drinks down in front of them and smiled before walking away. Her interruption had left Olivia silent as she reminisced about the run-ins they'd had with Jack McCoy. She had smelt trouble the second she recognised Abbie and she knew that where there was smoke there was fire.

"You think they're going to split the unit up?" Amanda asked, a hint of worry echoing in her voice.

Olivia shook her head. "Cragen wouldn't let him. Even if it would cost him his badge he'd still fight it."

"So how well do you know Abigail Carmichael personally?"

The question had been burning on the tip of her tongue ever since Olivia mentioned that she knew the dark haired lawyer. She couldn't help it. It wasn't jealousy. She had been jealous of Alex at first, when her feelings for Olivia started to get in the way of her job years ago, but she had learnt that she and Olivia had both had a life before they got together and that Olivia was entitled to her past. Amanda's baby blue eyes found Olivia's chocolate brown looking back at her and she recognised the faint hint of a smile around the older woman's lips.

"Abbie and me…. It was kinda complicated," Olivia admitted.

Amanda arched an eyebrow. "Complicated?"

"We were young, naïve and both completely focused on our jobs but the attraction was there," Olivia said and smiled. Thinking back to the times where she and Abbie had stood in interrogation rooms together, the tension between them so thick you could have cut it with her knife and Elliot joking that they should just lock themselves in the cribs for an hour and let nature take its course. "I don't think either of us were ready of willing to admit something was there and so we never did anything about it. Besides, Abbie's from Texas. Her dad would have skinned her alive if she ever hooked up with a girl. Biggest Republican redneck you can imagine."

"Did you still like her when you saw her again?" She had to know even though she knew she was asking a stupid question. She, Amanda Rollins, has become protective of her territory and she'd be damned if she was going to let some new ADA walk into her life and change it.

"No," Olivia answered and reached across the table to take Amanda's hand. "I don't." Her other hand covered the ultrasound pictures and she smiled. The smile didn't just light up her face; it also lit up her eyes. "I have you now and these two little beans. The most beautiful woman in the world could walk in here naked and dance around but I'd still only have eyes for you."

"Keep talkin' like that and you might get a little more than southern fried chicken tonight," Amanda joked but she felt the initial worry fade in her chest. She knew Olivia was better than that. What had happened between her and Abbie was a long time ago and Olivia had moved on, the same way she had moved on from Casey and Alex. Alex was now one of their best friends and Amanda no longer thought of her as Olivia's ex-lover. She'd become a valued addition to their lives.

Olivia picked at her pasta salad, a teasing smile lingering on her lips. "I'll look forward to it."

They finished off their lunch and made their way back to the 1-6. They walked into the squad room forty-five minutes later and found Amaro at his desk. His head whipped around when he heard the two detectives walk in and expectation flickered in his eyes. "Well?"

"Everything's lookin' good," Amanda said and took the pictures out of her handbag. She gave them to Nick and just as she took them she noticed Abbie leaving Cragen's office. She nudged Olivia, who looked up to. "Does she know? About us, I mean?"

Olivia didn't get a chance to answer because Abbie spotted the two female detectives and walked across the squad room. When she reached Amaro's desk and noticed that he was looking at the sonograms her eyes darted back to Amanda and she quickly added the pieces together. She glanced at the pictures and noticed the twin babies, a little smile appearing on her face. Dark eyes glistened as she looked back at Amanda. "Congratulations, detective."

"Thank you," Amanda answered shyly. She blushed when Amaro stood up and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head against his shoulder and took in the smell of his aftershave.

"I'm so happy for you," he whispered into her ear and when he let go of her she could see that he meant those words. She had warmed to Amaro now. In the beginning they back bickered like little children, both eager to proof their worth in this new unit, but now they had become a family and she looked at him like a big brother. "You're going to be a wonderful mom, Amanda." His eyes then fixed on Olivia. "You both will."

Olivia's eyes shot back to Abbie's face and she saw how she looked from Amanda to Olivia and back. Her eyes lingered on the sonogram pictures one last time before she turned on her heel to face Cragen. The hint of softness had disappeared from her face and she spoke through almost gritted teeth. "I'm meeting Alex in an hour. Same time tomorrow?"

"As you wish," Cragen answered and Olivia detected the hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Good day, councillor."

"And you, captain" She turned back to look at the group and forced herself to smile as she gave a curt nod with her head. "Detectives."

She walked out of the squad room and Olivia watched her leave. It wasn't until she felt Amanda's hand on her arm that she realised she was still staring at the empty doorway and she swallowed. Amanda had read her mind and slowly her fingers drew circles along Olivia's arm, her other hand resting protectively on her slightly swollen stomach. "I need to talk to her."

She quickly walked out of the squad room and saw Abbie at the end of the corridor waiting for the elevator. She increased her pace to catch up with her and the dark haired lawyer looked up from her Blackberry when she heard the detective approach. Their gazes locked and in this unguarded moment Olivia saw something she hadn't expected to see. A flash of hurt.

"I'll walk you out," Olivia said and pressed the elevator button again.

Abbie's voice was almost bitter when she spoke. It was only accentuated by her Texan accent. "I think I can find my own way, Liv."

"Abbie…" Olivia began but the other woman turned away. The soft ping announced that the elevator had arrived and she reluctantly watched as Abbie stepped inside. When she turned around their eyes found each other again and Olivia prevented the elevator doors from closing. "Look, can we talk? Not now but maybe another time?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Abbie said. "I'm supposed to be investigating SVU, Olivia. I can't be seen with one of the detectives."

"Fine," Olivia said, a hint of anger in her voice, and let go of the elevator door. "Have it your away. As usual."

She turned around and began walking away, half and half expecting Abbie to call her back but she never did. She sighed and hesitated for just a moment before walking back into the squad room. Amanda was waiting for her in the coffee corner and Olivia made a beeline for her. She smiled when Amanda handed her the mug.

"What was that?"

"That was Abbie showing her emotional side," Olivia said and chewed the inside of her cheek. "It's rare for her to let her guard down like that."

"Did she say anythin'?" Amanda asked but Olivia shook her head.

"I don't wanna talk about Abbie," she answered and looked at her girlfriend. Her gaze dropped to her stomach and the smile on her face returned as she imagined their two babies growing inside of it. "You think Cragen will let us look at baby clothes?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note:** It cost a lot of energy to write this chapter, especially considering the way I feel about SVU at the moment. The hiring of Mike Tyson has angered me to the core and I have done nothing else but fight against it since then. Personally I think SVU has crossed a line and my disappointment has been really hard to swallow. But I write this story because I feel I want to take a different route from what the writers are doing – obviously – so in this universe that crap has never happened and never will. I am not sure what I am going to do when SVU comes back. I am done with the show and with the fact that they feel they can say "his conviction for rape was twenty years ago and he has changed." As if that makes Mike Tyson any less of a rapist. I assume Warren Leight isn't going to invite a paedophile with a 20 year old conviction to hid kid's birthday party so why hire a rapist onto a show that speaks for victims?

Anyway, onwards… Here comes Rolivia.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

_The more I learn to care for you,the more we drift apart. _  
_Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart?  
~Hank Williams - Cold Cold Heart  
_

14 weeks, 5 days pregnant

The tension could be cut with a knife. Ever since Abbie Carmichael had walked into the SVU squad room, everything had changed. Alex's court cases had finished and she was left doing paperwork in her office. More often than not she'd show up at SVU, looking for something to distract her because the walls were closing in on her. Abbie spent a lot of time in court but even more time amongst the detectives. She spoke to all of them about the events surrounding the shooting and at the call girl scandal. Two weeks had never felt this long and Olivia was about to lose her nerve.

The only thing that kept her sane was Amanda. Whenever she looked at the blonde detective sitting at her desk, sporting a baby bump that seemed to grow bigger every single day, she felt a sense of peace. She got to go home with this woman every single night and would wake up next to her every single morning. Through the day she would put her hands on Amanda's stomach and whenever she did she was overwhelmed by love.

"Fin, Munch, reported rape at Bellevue hospital. Victim took herself to the ER," Cragen said and the two detectives stood up from their chairs. Olivia looked up, hope flickering in her eyes. She'd been desperate to get out for days but was tied up in paperwork, mainly thanks to Abbie who almost seemed to enjoy torturing her. Cragen caught her look but shook his head.

"Sorry, Liv."

"I'm gonna kill Abbie," Olivia huffed and returned to her paperwork.

"Just remember you just said that in a squad room full of cops," Amanda grinned as she perched herself on the edge of her girlfriend's desk. "Have you actually spoken to her yet?"

"Aside from answering questions about Elliot shooting a teenage girl or Cragen being suspected of murder?" Olivia asked and Amanda cocked her head. "No."

"You need some time away from this," Amanda whispered. She leant in, her breath suddenly warm against Olivia's ear. "Come, this crap can wait." Her hand found Olivia's under the desk and she coaxed the older woman out of her seat. Olivia willingly followed Amanda and her heart skipped a beat when the blonde led her to the cribs. Amanda closed the door behind them and Olivia heard the lock turn.

"What are you doing?" she asked as Amanda slowly walked towards her. Her gaze lingered on the developing baby bump. Amanda had resulted into wearing maternity pants already. Combined with a simple white t-shirt, the swell of her stomach was unmistakable. In two weeks their babies seemed to have grown quite fast.

"Makin' you feel better," Amanda whispered and her warm lips trailed down along the line of Olivia's neck. The sensation stirred excitement in the pit of the older woman's stomach and Olivia's breath caught in her throat when the tip of her tongue found the spot just underneath her ear. Her arms snaked around Amanda's waist, even though her mind told her that this wasn't the right place, and pulled her closer.

"I thought you made me feel better last night?" Olivia managed to breath. Amanda had caught her off guard the previous night. She'd crawled into the bed naked and it ended up in one of the longest, most intense sessions of love making they'd had for months. When she woke up this morning her arms and legs were sore. The sex between them was always great but every so often they both lost their boundaries and there was nothing they wouldn't do. Last night had been one of those nights and the image of Amanda with the strap-on they had bought months earlier but rarely used was enough to set Olivia's insides on fire.

Amanda briefly tore her lips away from Olivia's glowing skin. Her eyes had darkened and she looked at her girlfriend. One hand ghosted across Olivia's chest, caressing the swell of her breasts through her shirt. Olivia wore a button up today, the white fabric a stark contrast against the olive tones of her skin. "I wanna do it again."

"We shouldn't do this here," Olivia said but her protestations were kissed away when Amanda's lips hungrily found hers. She willingly allowed her girlfriend to slip her tongue inside her mouth and she kissed Amanda back. Her hands threaded blonde hair, pulling her deeper into her. She shuddered when she felt Amanda's slender fingers slowly unbutton her shirt. It fell away from her chest, revealing the white laced bra that held her breasts. Amanda's hands ran across the taut skin of her stomach before encountering her nipples, already hardened under the lace.

Amanda didn't bother to remove Olivia's shirt completely. Just open was enough. She reached around her back, her lips still not abandoning their attack on her girlfriend's mouth, and unhooked the bra. Slowly it slid down Olivia's chest, freeing her breasts. Almost instantly Amanda's lips began a journey from the corner of Olivia's mouth along her neck and collarbone before finding the perk nipples with her tongue. Olivia, pressed flush against one of the bunk beds, threw her head back when Amanda's teeth grazed across the exposed flesh and arched her back.

"Oh God," Olivia uttered when Amanda's tongue circled one of her rock hard nipples teasingly. Her heart pounded in her chest and she lost whatever little bit of self-control she still had.

Amanda fumbled with the buckle of Olivia's belt before slowly unzipping the dark blue jeans the detective had chosen to wear that morning. Her lips moved back up, leaving a glowing trail of kisses across sizzling skin, and she caught Olivia's earlobe between her teeth, knowing that the sensation of her warm breath and the sharp shot of pain was something the older woman immensely enjoyed. Her right hand lay flat against Olivia's stomach, just above her panties, as her left tangled into thick brown hair and pulled Olivia's head backwards, exposing her throat.

"Please…," Olivia managed to breath when Amanda's index finger dipped behind her underwear but didn't go down any further. She arched her back in need, longing for the touch and dark brown eyes met lust filled blue. She was pleading, something she knew Amanda enjoyed. There were times where Amanda liked to dominate Olivia, be the stronger person, and there were times where the roles were reversed. Today Amanda was in control and Olivia would let her do whatever the hell she wanted.

"Please, what?" Amanda whispered with a husky voice. The southern lilt in her voice was enough to throw Olivia over the edge. "Please what, Liv?"

The words fell from her lips with a hint of desperation and brown eyes fluttered shut when Amanda's hand slid further down behind her underwear. "Touch me."

Amanda encountered the hot wetness between Olivia's thighs and a deep throaty chuckle filled Olivia's ears. She didn't waste any time and plunged two fingers deep inside the detective's willing core and Olivia whimpered in pleasure and delight. For a few seconds Amanda didn't move, allowing Olivia to get used to the feeling of her being inside her, but then she started thrusting. She moved fast and hard and Olivia's body moved along with her, crashing against the bunk beds every so often. The sound of metal moving echoed around the cribs, combined with Olivia's groans of desire.

Amanda's thumb flicked skilfully over Olivia's clit and she watched in delight as the older woman shuddered. She knew exactly how Olivia liked to be touched. She knew what to do, what to avoid. She read her body like a book. The rapid pace of her fingers quickly pushed the veteran detective to her release and Amanda felt Olivia's grip around her back tightening. She used her left her hand to support herself against the bed, forcing Olivia's body against the cold metal, stabilizing her. The next second she felt Olivia's walls tightened around her fingers and the older woman cried out her orgasm into Amanda's shoulder.

They stood like this for a few moments, both of them unable to speak. Amanda had stilled her hand and slowly pulled it out from behind Olivia's panties. Their gazes locked and she leant in for a kiss. Olivia answered willingly. Amanda could taste the salt from the sweat on her lips and brushed a strand of damp hair out of her lover's eyes.

"Feelin' better?" she asked teasingly and Olivia could only nod.

They jumped apart when there was a sudden knock on the door and Amanda spun around. Through the frosted glass she recognised the outline of Abbie Carmichael. Her eyes darted back to Olivia, who had zipped up her jeans and was now fumbling with the buttons of her shirt. Once reassured that she was appropriately dressed Amanda started for the door and unlocked it. The dark haired attorney walked in and glanced at Amanda before looking at Olivia.

"I've been looking for you," Abbie said. If she had any idea what had just happened in this room she wasn't showing it. "Can we talk?"

"I'll be in the squad room if you need me," Amanda said and looked back at Olivia. She saw a hint of despair in her girlfriend's eyes and decided to help her out, although the smirk on her face remained. "We can talk about this later, OK?"

"Sure," Olivia answered, relieved that Amanda had managed to make it look like they had just been talking in here. She then looked at Abbie and started walking around the small room, pushing her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "What can I do for you, councillor?"

"No first names this time?" Abbie asked as she left her briefcase on one of the bottom bunks. "How impersonal, Olivia."

"The last few weeks haven't been particularly personal, have they?" Olivia asked. "What do you want, Abbie?"

The dark haired attorney pursed her lips. "To talk."

"Ok, I'm listening."

"You and Rollins," Abbie began and Olivia's eyes snapped up. "Been together long?"

"Yes," Olivia answered. She hadn't expected this line of question and somewhere deep inside an alarm bell went off when she noticed the dark look in Abbie's eyes. It was the same dark look she'd given her when she had first found out about her and Amanda. "But I don't think you're here to talk about me and Amanda, are you?"

"No," Abbie admitted and unbuttoned her jacket before letting it slide down her shoulders. Underneath she wore a designer white blouse, fitted around the waist. "I'm here to talk about you and me."

"You and…," Olivia echoed and eyed the other woman up. She had learnt to be weary of Abbie Carmichael when she was trying to get to you. Lawyers had different ways of getting someone to open up than detectives and although she had spent plenty of time around lawyers, sometimes they still caught her by surprise. She had no doubt that Abbie was one of those people. "There is no you and me, Abbie. We've been down this road before."

"We had some good times, didn't we?" Abbie mused. "Shame it had to end the way it did. What is it they say again?" She looked up. "Wrong place, wrong time." A sad smile suddenly spread across her face. "I didn't stop thinking about you for quite some time, Olivia." The confession startled the older woman and she watched as Abbie circled one of the bunk beds. "But people change and live goes on." She shrugged. "I got married."

Olivia's eyes instinctively shot down to Abbie's hands. She hadn't seen a wedding ring. "Oh."

"And then divorced."

That explained the absence of a ring.

"I did it to please my father. You know the type of man he was. I don't think I could ever really be myself while he was alive. When he died, I didn't feel any sadness. I just felt relief. I didn't have to hide anymore. When I told my mother she said she had always known." Abbie looked up and found Olivia looking at her. "The same way I think you have always known."

"You've done well for yourself," Olivia said. She struggled to grasp the concept that she and Abbie were standing face to face, talking about something other than the investigation. She knew Abbie had tried to contact Elliot but he had not returned any of her calls. She would have been shocked to find out if he had. She'd tried to call him for weeks after he resigned but never heard from him. She took a deep breath and leant against the bed. "It's been a long time, Abbie."

"I know," Abbie smiled. "I don't even know why I jumped at the chance to go back to SVU. When Jack called, all I saw was a way out of the U.S Attorney's office. It had fought to get in there but lately all I wanted was to get back out. It's like I couldn't quite figure out what piece hadn't fallen in the right place. When Jack said SVU needed another set of hands, I realised that this was it." She peered at Olivia through her eyelashes. "I wanted to talk to you."

Olivia sighed. "We're different people now, Abbie. What happened all those years ago is in the past. We've both seen things, been through things. Neither of us is the same as we were back then."

Abbie smiled. "Olivia Benson, all grown up. If you would have told me ten years ago that you'd meet a woman could tame you, take away that endless desire to proof yourself, I would have laughed. But here you are. You have a beautiful home, so I've been told, and you're having a baby and you've found the woman of your dreams. Life's turned around for you."

"It has," Olivia admitted. "But at a time where I didn't expect it. I'd given up long before Amanda walked in."

Abbie stood up and took her briefcase from the bed. She flung her jacket over her arm and started for the door. "We should have a drink one of the nights," she said. "Ask Cabot to join us. There are things we can talk about, things from years ago. See if we are still the same people we thought we once were or if we have changed as much as we'd like to think." She sadly smiled. "Consider it a trip down memory lane, Benson."

"Maybe I will," Olivia said and watched Abbie leave the room. "Maybe I will."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note: **Sorry for the delay, folks, but I managed a quick update today...**  
**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

_Cause now the years have passed us by_  
_ And I still do not know why_  
_ Before you tried_  
_ You chose to quit_  
_ So where are you tonight_  
_ You could make everything right_  
_ But instead_  
_ You're missing it  
~Jason Walker - You're Missing It  
_

16 weeks, 3 days pregnant

Olivia had been called out to work early that morning, leaving Amanda curled up in their bed. It had sounded like a bad case and Olivia whispered into her girlfriend's ear she was probably going to be home late. Amanda had kissed her goodbye and wrapped the comforter back around herself. Cragen had insisted she'd start working from home now. In the last two weeks her bump had grown significantly. There was no denying the fact that she was pregnant and she was tired a lot. It wasn't uncommon when carrying twins and to try and help lower the pressure, Cragen suggested taking paperwork home. At least there she got to walk around in her sweatpants and t-shirts without having to squeeze into the maternity pants.

Amanda looked up from her files when there was a knock on the front door. Her eyes darted to the clock on the wall. She sat in the living room, with files spread around her and two pillows propped up behind her back. It was just after six o'clock at night. Olivia had her keys so she knew it couldn't be her. She slipped off the sofa and groaned for a second at the sudden weight shift. Her hand rested on her swollen stomach as she walked across the living room to the front door.

She opened it up and blinked a few times. There was a man standing outside. He was in his late forties, with short cropped hair and surprisingly kind eyes. He seemed as surprised to see her as she was surprised to see him. Amanda leant against the open door. She had seen his face before amongst Olivia's old pictures. She was looking at Elliot Stabler.

"Hi."

Amanda eyed him up, not sure what to say to him. "Hi."

Elliot's eyes lingered on Amanda's face before briefly darting down to her swollen stomach. Confusion filled his eyes as he looked back up. He seemed uncomfortable and nervous and had wrapped his arms around himself like he was cold. "I think I have the wrong house. I thought Olivia Benson lived here?"

Amanda swallowed hard. So Elliot had managed to find out Olivia's new address. They had been living here for almost a year and it had been almost three years since he walked out on Olivia. Although the brunette rarely talked about him, there had been nights where she had opened up about their friendship. Amanda knew as much as Olivia wanted her to know and she respected that. She knew they had been friends, close friends, best friends. They had never been more. Elliot had been the brother and the family Olivia never had and then he left her. Knowing all of this made that Amanda understood Olivia's abandonment issues.

"You've got the right house," Amanda answered and her right hand caressed her swollen stomach. She watched his eyes drop a second time and she could see him fitting the pieces of the puzzle together in his head. She took a deep breath and challenged him. "She's at work. You know where she works, right?"

He didn't miss the venom in that question and a look of guilt filled his eyes. "I do but I don't really think I can go see her there." There was a pause, leaving the reasons as to why he couldn't return to the 1-6 unsaid. He looked up at Amanda, his features softer now. "I'm sorry but I don't know who you are."

"Amanda Rollins," she said. She swallowed the jibe that would have mentioned how she had been hired as his replacement, in more ways than one. She stepped aside, realising that Elliot had come here to see Olivia. It wasn't very warm outside and her Southern hospitality was something that came naturally. "Would you...errr... would you like to come in? I could call Olivia and ask her to come home if you'd rather speak to her here."

"Thanks," Elliot smiled and stepped into the house. Amanda closed the door behind him. "That's very kind." He extended his hand and Amanda shook it. His gaze dropped back to her swollen stomach. "How far along are you?"

"Sixteen weeks but there's two of 'em so it looks like twenty-six," Amanda answered as she led Elliot into the living room and gestured towards the couch. "It's beginnin' to feel like forty."

"Olivia always wanted a family." Elliot looked up at Amanda as she picked up her cell phone from the couch and dialled Olivia's number. She could see his gaze lingering on the unfinished case files and hurried to all put them into a pile. A silence fell between them and she smiled a little nervously as she held the device to her ear. The phone rang once, then twice and then a third time. She wasn't sure Olivia was going to answer and was about to hang up when she heard her girlfriend's voice. Olivia sounded like she'd been running.

"You okay, honey?"

"I'm fine," Amanda smiled. "You sound like you've been havin' a good time."

'Perp ran into Central Park. I chased him for nearly a mile in the dark." Olivia tried to catch her breath and Amanda could hear the commotion of people talking behind her. A male voice screamed. She guessed it was the perp. A sudden sense of missing out on the action overwhelmed her at the same time Olivia spoke again. "Sometimes I think I'm getting too old for this."

"Think you're runnin' now?" Amanda joked. "Wait till you're trying to keep up with two toddlers." Her hand rested on her baby bump. She was still waiting to feel that very first flutter of human life inside of her. Any day now, she guessed. Soon she would feel them kick all day and all night. She glanced back at Elliot, who was now staring out of the window. "Hey, is there any chance you could come home early?"

"You feeling allright? This another one of your cravings? What is it this time, salt and vinegar potato chips? Last time I had to drive seven blocks before I could..."

"Elliot's here."

"What?!" Olivia's voice had never sounded so fragile and so broken.

Amanda looked at the man sitting on her couch. He now stared at his hands, as if he was embarrassed to be an intruder into their conversation. "Elliot's here."

"What do you mean?"

"He just turned up, about five minutes ago," Amanda answered and took a deep breath. "He'd like to see you."

"OK," Olivia answered hesitantly. Amanda knew she only sounded like this when she wasn't sure what to do. She could only imagine Olivia's turmoil right now. She had finally come to terms with her partner's leaving and now here he was, in their living room, wanting to talk. "I'll…I'll be there as soon as I can."

Amanda hung up and looked at Elliot. "She's on her way."

"Thank you."

"Has this got anything to do with Abbie Carmichael?" Amanda wanted to know and the mention of the lawyer's name was enough to make Elliot look straight at her. "It is, ain't it? What, do you want Olivia to lie to you or somethin'? Because I know she's already spoken to Abbie."

"I just want to hear what she said," Elliot said. "I wouldn't ask Liv to lie for me."

Amanda set her jaw. "I think you lost the right to call her Liv when you walked out on her."

"You're right," Elliot admitted and guiltily looked away. "I'm sorry."

"So what is it you want?"

"I'd rather discuss this with Olivia."

Amanda shook her head. "You _abandoned_ her. She thought you were her best friend and then one day you just turn around and walk away without telling her where you went. She called. She left messages and all you could manage was ignoring her." The anger in her voice made his eyes darken but she wasn't about to give up on her challenge. "You have some nerve coming here asking for her side of the story. I know Carmichael's been trying to get hold of you for weeks. What's stopping me from calling her and telling her you're here?"

"You wouldn't," Elliot interjected. "Not until Olivia and I have talked."

Amanda picked up her cell phone. "If you upset her, I'll be driving you to Carmichael's office myself."

"I was Olivia's partner for twelve years," Elliot said.

Amanda swallowed and anger flickered in her light blue eyes. "And then you left. You've done your part. It's _my_ job to protect her now." She set her jaw and bit her tongue to swallow any others words she would have spoken only to regret them later. A slight smile played around her lips to ease the tension that had filled the living room. "Now, would you like some coffee?"

She made coffee for him and tea for her. They spent the rest of the time in relative silence. Elliot had picked up the newspaper she'd left on the coffee table and Amanda continued finishing signing off some of the paperwork. Every so often she looked up to glance at Elliot. He was everything like she had imagined he would be. Slightly pushy, like Olivia described and even now he still seemed to think he had a right to call her a partner or a friend.

The sound of the key in the front door made both their heads snap up and Amanda stood up at the same moment that Olivia walked into the living room. The sound of her boots on the wooden floor echoed on and Amanda wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's waist, resting her head on her shoulder. Olivia kissed her absentmindedly on her hair but she looked up in shock when she discovered Elliot standing in her living room. Their gazes locked and her arms slipped away from Amanda.

Olivia's features hardened as she stared at the man who had been her partner and best friend for twelve years. Now she didn't know who he was. She wasn't sure if she still knew him. She swallowed hard. "What are you doing here?"

"I want to talk," Elliot said and his eyes darted back to Amanda. "Alone."

"I'll be in the kitchen," Amanda said softly. She wasn't happy about the fact she was evicted from her own living room but she knew she would have to give Olivia and Elliot space. Her hand lingered on Olivia's arm before she turned around, picked up some of her case files and walked into the kitchen. She would be close enough if Olivia wanted her but far enough away for them to know she couldn't overhear them. As she sat down at the dining table she cradled her head in her hands. All she could think about was how this was going to affect Olivia.

"She's quite something," Elliot said once Amanda was gone and he smiled.

"She's everything I ever wanted." It sounded bitter and almost like an accusation. Olivia's dark brown eyes searched her former partner's face. "She came into my life when I needed stability. God knows what I did to deserve her but she's here and she isn't going anywhere." _Unlike some people in my life. _

Elliot looked away. "I hear Carmichael's back in town."

"And it's your ass she wants," Olivia added. "She's been trying to find you for weeks. What's stopping me from telling you where to find you?" Her eyes narrowed. "You've moved house." She didn't say out loud that she drove past his house in Queens. It had been empty by the time she got there. Not a sign of Elliot, Kathy or the kids. She used the computers at work but somehow his name never came up. "Sure as hell did a good job at disappearing."

"We moved to New Jersey," Elliot answered. "I had some help."

"Tell that to Abbie, not to me," Olivia snapped. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "What do you want, Elliot? It's been three years. How come you turn up now?"

"Carmichael," Elliot answered. "I hear she's asking questions."

"So you're worried about yourself?" Olivia shook her head. "Typical, Elliot. She's investigating the whole damn squad and you come back here because you're worried about yourself. Alex's been confined to her office and Abbie's running her cases. She's digging through all our old files. She's onto Cragen and Amaro and she's investigating me because of the Bellamy case. But no, you come knocking on my door because you're worried your own ass?"

"Liv…"

"Don't call me that," she corrected him and her blazing dark eyes pierced into his. They were cold and empty. They were the eyes of a woman who had been hurt so badly that she would never be able to fully forgive. Those blazing orbs belonged to a woman so damaged and broken by her life and a past that had only been made worse when the only person she trusted abandoned her. "My _friends _call me Liv."

"I'm sorry," Elliot said and he suddenly looked defeated. "About everything. I'm sorry about leaving and about not answering your calls. I thought about it a lot, before and after, and I know I did what I had to do. I shot a teenage girl who was so desperate that she emptied a gun into a squad room full of cops."

Olivia shook her head. "We all struggled with that, Elliot."

"What does Carmichael want?" Elliot wanted to know.

"Why don't you go and ask her yourself."

"You know I can't do that."

Olivia arched an eyebrow. "What makes you any different from the rest of us?"

"I can't go back there, Olivia." His eyes widened. "I left for a reason."

She shook her head. "I can't help you, Elliot." The anger coiled in the pit of her stomach, rising up like a phoenix out of its own ashes. She had forgotten she had once been this angry at him but suddenly all those feelings were back. She swallowed in an attempt to control it but it was futile. "You should leave,"

"Really?"

"Yes. Coming here wasn't a good idea."

He looked at her as if he couldn't believe what she had just said and then started for the front door. She followed him and saw him out. He walked down the path but turned around when he was about halfway. "I never meant to hurt you."

"It's a little late for that," she answered. "Do the right thing, Elliot, Talk to Carmichael."

He turned around and she knew instinctively that he wasn't going to do what she had asked. She watched him walk away, in a way she had never watched him walk away before. She saw him for the man he was, the man he had become. He didn't tell her what he did now. He didn't tell her where in New Jersey he lived now and she found that she didn't care to know. He was long gone by the time she closed the front door and turned around to find Amanda standing right behind her, a little smile playing around her lips.

Silently Olivia wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and pulled her close. She didn't speak. There were no words that could describe what she felt inside right now. She angry, hurt and sad but most of all she was suddenly intensely grateful for what she had. She kissed Amanda's neck and inhaled her familiar scent. She pulled her even closer, until Amanda softly tapped her on the shoulder and she slowly eased her grip.

"I shouldn't have let him in," Amanda said when she looked at Olivia. "I'm sorry, Liv. I didn't know what to…"

"You did the right thing," Olivia reassured her girlfriend. "It's been a long time coming. I knew we'd have to face each other one day and that day was today." She sighed. "I just wish I had known I'd get this angry. It took all my self-control not to smack him around this room."

Amanda snorted. "And here I was thinkin' it was Elliot who had the anger management problem."

"I'm gonna have to talk to Carmichael," Olivia sighed and reached into her pocket for her phone.

"Sure," Amanda said softly and kissed Olivia on her cheek. "What are you goin' to tell her?"

"The truth," Olivia answered and started typing a message.

_How about that drink?_


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's note:** It took me a little while to get this going again but I stumbled across a video of a young Angie Harmon playing Abbie earlier today and this was the result. It was the episode where she tells Jack she was a victim of date rape. That last scene sort of set the tone for this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 16**

_Maybe it's been crazy_  
_ And maybe I'm to blame_  
_ But I put my heart above my head_  
_ We've been thru it all_  
_ And you loved me just the same_  
_ ~Neil Diamond - Hello Again**  
**_

Olivia walked into the bar on Eighth Avenue in Manhattan. She's gotten out of the cab a block away and had walked the last bit, feeling a desperate need for fresh air. She wanted her head to be clear. Elliot's words echoed through her mind endlessly and she didn't want him to have this kind of power over her. She'd moved on, away from him, but now he had just stormed back into her life a raging bull. She wasn't going to allow him to tear everything apart again.

Her eyes darted immediately to the bar and she smiled when she saw Abbie Carmichael sitting on one of the stools, clutching a bottle of beer. She'd draped her leather jacket on the stool next to her and was dressed in a pair of jeans and a simple black sweater. When she heard Olivia's footsteps she looked up and flashed a smile.

"Hey."

"Hi," Olivia replied and smiled. "Thanks for coming."

Abbie shrugged and placed her bottle against her lips. "I never turn down a drink." The Southern accent had only become pronounced by the alcohol and Olivia briefly wondered how many of those bottles the darker haired woman had already consumed. She climbed onto the bar stool and the bartender came over. She ordered a beer and waited for him to bring her the bottle before speaking again.

"Elliot turned up earlier."

Abbie's eyes narrowed as she searched Olivia's features with great interest. "Really?"

Olivia pulled a face but nodded anyway. "He came to my house, while I was at work. Amanda answered the door. She let him in and he asked if he could speak to me. When I got there he said he knew you're in town and that you're trying to talk to him."

"That must have been a surprise for him." Abbie put her bottle down and when she caught Olivia's surprised look she shrugged. "Seeing your very pregnant wife standing in the doorway?"

"Elliot knew about me and Alex. He was one of the very few people who did actually know the full extent of our relationship. I don't think he was surprised to see Amanda at all," Olivia answered and a slight frown appeared. Abbie seemed unusually pessimistic tonight. "Amanda and I aren't married."

"You bought a house together, you're having babies and you have a special ringtone for Amanda on your phone," Abbie grinned, exposing her perfectly white teeth. "Face it, Benson, you're married."

Olivia just smiled and decided it was better not to argue with Abbie. There was a reason that she was the lawyer and Olivia was the cop. She picked at the label on her beer bottle, slowly peeling it away from the glass. She couldn't look at Abbie and she knew it was because she was about to betray the trust Elliot had in her. "Elliot's moved to New Jersey. You can find him there."

"Does he know you're telling me this?"

"Nope. And you're not going to tell him. Make it look like you figured it out on your own. He says he had some help so someone in NYPD knew about this. Try some of his old buddies from the time before SVU. If he asked anyone, it wouldn't have been any of us but it could explain why all your requests for his address bounced."

Abbie nodded and swirled her beer around in her bottle. Olivia watched her. It had been a long time since she and Abbie Carmichael had sat in a bar together. It felt like a lifetime ago since they went out to celebrate the cases they had closed. They were different people now but as she looked at the dark haired prosecutor she still saw the ambitious young woman who had walked into their squad room more than fifteen years ago. Abbie hadn't changed much. She'd gained a few lines around her eyes but time had been kind to her. Olivia's eyes drifted from Abbie to the mirror behind the bar. She couldn't see the young detective she had been back in the day. Those brown eyes had seen too much.

"You know, you said you came back because McCoy want to get the dirt on SVU but I don't buy it," Olivia said and put her beer bottle down. The bitter aftertaste lingered in her mouth. Abbie looked up and their eyes found each other in the mirror behind the bar. "What made you really come back? You has a cushy life, a well-paid job at the U.S Attorney's office… why step back down and return to the DA's office?"

"Not everything is always as nice as it seems," Abbie said and forced herself to smile. "My marriage was a joke. He was more interested in his job than in me. Mike came from a wealthy family and my dad introduced us. I think he knew I wasn't that interested. After a couple of years my father started asking about grandchildren. It was Mike who said we were struggling and that maybe he was infertile. It made him less of a man in my father's eyes but neither of us cared. We both lived for our jobs and at night we mostly slept in different beds. When we discovered we went out for drinks and celebrated we were finally free. I see him sometimes. I think he got married again."

"I'm sorry it had to be this way," Olivia said. "We all make choices that often aren't the right ones. I made a fair few mistakes myself along the way." She grinned. "My thing for ADA's was rather persistent. Cabot, Novak and a handful of others." She gave Abbie a sideways glance. "Maybe you should be lucky you never made that list, Abbie. None of them worked out."

Abbie sighed. "We were stupid back then, weren't we?"

"We were young," Olivia corrected. "A lot of people do stupid things when they're young. Maybe we did the right thing. Your career would have suffered if you had outed yourself back then. Neither of us was ready for what that meant. Hell, until I met Amanda I didn't even know what it meant."

"Olivia Benson, sounding all mature and grown up," Abbie joked. Her face changed from amusing to serious. "You do know that this whole investigation against SVU has nothing to do with me, right?"

"I know."

"You might wanna tell the others."

"You can't blame them, Abbie. You're watching every step they make. You're going back over cases we closed years ago. We have only just started to relax. It's been a difficult couple years and you walk in and just kick us in the gut. We're defensive and it's only natural but I think deep down they all know that this isn't about you. It's about McCoy and his agenda against Cabot. He's just using SVU to get her down."

"The Bellamy case made the DA's office look incompetent. McCoy hates looking like a fool. For as long as I've known him he's always been the type of guy who wanted to win. This was the man who wanted to change the law so he could get the conviction he wanted. That's how far he was willing to go." Abbie looked at Olivia. "I know that case broke Serena."

"It wasn't McCoy who kicked Serena out though. That was Branch."

"Who do you think asked him to?"

"Why Alex?"

"He's afraid of her. All the evidence shows that Alex didn't screw up during trial and you guys didn't screw up during the investigation, McCoy just wants it to look like you did. There's going to be an election next year and rumour has it Alex's considering running for DA. She's got a decent group of people on her side and a lot of them don't like McCoy. If he can make her look bad, it means he gets to be DA for a few more years."

"So he hauled your ass back to help him," Olivia concluded. "What do you want with Elliot?"

"I think McCoy's trying to prove that SVU's full of loose cannons. Elliot shot a teenage girl in the middle of a squad room." Abbie's eyes found Olivia's. "We both know he has been reprimanded a few times over the years and he's not the only one. Your jacket doesn't look any better, Liv. If you ask me, McCoy wants to ask One PP to replace some of the SVU detectives with fresh blood and transfer you out." She took a deep breath. "I know about Amaro's involvement in the call girl case and I know about Rollins' gambling problem." She paused. "I haven't told McCoy."

"He's even worse than I thought," Olivia said. "But what is talking to Elliot going to do? He doesn't work for SVU anymore. No matter what he says, it's going to look back. We all suffered because of what happened that day but bringing it back up isn't going to change anything."

"McCoy wants to hear it from him. He's gotten away with not talking about it for years. He just handed in his resignation and carried on. I know IAB did an investigation but McCoy wants another one. He's probably just using it as fuel for his little campaign."

Olivia picked up her beer bottle. "Be honest with me; how likely are we to lose SVU?"

"The way it looks now?" Abbie said. "It could go either way."

"What about Cragen?" Olivia asked. "Is he in the cross hares too?"

"Just as much as you are."

Olivia's eyes darkened. "This is bad, isn't it?"

"It certainly isn't good."

Olivia leant back and ran her fingers through her hair. Suddenly her mind was a mess. She had never known anything other than SVU. The mere thought that it could fall apart, like a house of cards, terrified her. This unit had been her home, her family. It was where she had shared her joys and her sorrows. It was in SVU that she had discovered who she really was. The thought that all of it could be gone soon frightened her more than anything else had ever frightened her before. She shook her head and swallowed hard.

"Whatever it is you need to make sure this thing doesn't fall apart, I swear to God I'll help you get it." Her eyes found Abbie's. "SVU is my life. It gave me a life. I won't lose it. Not without putting up a fight."

Abbie smiled. "That's the Olivia Benson I know." She stared down at the bar. It was scratched and stained. Bottles had left perfectly round circles on the smooth mahogany. "I need everyone to know what they're doing. Tell them what I told you. If you want to fight McCoy, you're going to need all the ammunition you can get." She took a deep breath. "You've got a family now, Liv. Make sure that if you're willing to get into this, you know you may not come out unhurt."

"I thought you and McCoy used to be on the same page," Olivia said softly. "I know what you two were like in a courtroom together. You'd make him look like a softie. What changed, Abbie?"

Abbie's eyes suddenly swam with tears and she slipped off her chair. She picked up her jacket and unexpectedly leant in, brushing her lips against the corner of Olivia's mouth. For a moment both women looked at each other, seeing a reflection of their younger self in each other's eyes, and Abbie sadly smiled as a lonely tear cascaded down her cheek. "I changed."

Before Olivia got a chance to respond Abbie had left the bar. She looked at the door through which she had disappeared for a couple more minutes and then finished off her own drink. She left a couple of bills on the bar and left too. As she stepped out into the outside world she took in the life and sounds of New York City. In this city even the closest friends could become strangers. She and Elliot had drifted worlds apart. But sometimes strangers would find each other and they would become friends. It was easy to be lonely in New York. It was also easy to feel loved.

As she hailed a cab and climbed into the back seat, Olivia thought about this and smiled. She took her phone out of her pocket and started typing a message to Abbie. _It was good to see you. We should do this mor__e often. This city is full of lonely souls. Don't become one of them. X Liv_

The cab dropped her off just outside her house and when she walked up to the porch Amanda opened the front door. The blonde smiled when the older woman walked into the house and wrapped her arms around her neck. Olivia rested her head on Amanda's shoulder and her hands caressed across her swollen stomach.

"Come," she whispered as she closed the door behind her. "There's something I need to tell you."


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's note: **Well, here we are. Many of you have been asking about the gender of the babies. I guess you'll just have to read to find out... I promise to finish this story and I am doing my best. I am currently not too much of a fan of SVU and haven't watched for a little while. But you guys have been awesome and I am not one for abandoning a story when it's come this far so, this one will continue!

* * *

**Chapter 17**

_"If you wonder how long Ill be faithful. _  
_I'll be happy to tell you again. _  
_I'm gonna love you forever and ever, _  
_forever and ever _  
_amen."_  
_~Randy Travis - Forever and Ever, Amen**  
**_

20 weeks, 1 day pregnant

The last four weeks had proven difficult in many ways. After Olivia's meeting with Abbie in the bar, things only got worse. It turned out she'd told the truth about McCoy. He really was trying to break up SVU and he was using every tactic he could find. Much to the team's surprise, Abbie was on their side. Perhaps it was the length of time she spent with Olivia and Cragen, people she had considered her friends in another life, or perhaps it was the fact that whilst old friendships were rekindled, new ones were started. After her initial reservations towards Amanda, Abbie had warmed up to her and even Alex, normally not one to take a liking to someone so fast, learned to accept the dark haired lawyer.

Elliot however was another story altogether. Abbie found him in New Jersey and he was less than thrilled. When he asked if it was Olivia who had told Abbie where to find him she denied it, claiming she was perfectly capable of following a trail by herself. He was reluctant to talk to her, even more so when she asked him to come back to the 1-6. It took some pushing and pulling but he went anyway, for the first time laying eyes on the room where he had shot and killed a teenage girl.

Olivia hadn't been there. Deliberately. When Cragen found out that Elliot was on his way, he'd sent her out with Amaro. Only Fin and Munch had been there. Cragen knew his veteran detective well enough to understand that Olivia didn't want to talk to Elliot, even though he had given his statement to Abbie and she'd added it to the case file. Elliot had asked to see her but Cragen said she wasn't there. After that day he never called again and Olivia never asked about him once. Some things, it turned out, were better left in the past.

It was a sunny April morning when Olivia's eyes fluttered open. She felt the sunlight on her face and blinked a few times. Her eyes darted to the alarm clock. It was just after seven. She wasn't due at work today because of the appointment at the OBGYN this morning and their plans on picking up the nursery set they had ordered. Olivia had promised Amanda she would put it all together today. She rolled over with the intention of kissing Amanda good morning but found the bed was empty. She sat up and listened. She recognised the shuffling sound of footsteps in the bathroom and not long after the door to the bedroom opened and Amanda walked in. Olivia smiled.

There was no way anyone could deny Amanda was pregnant. In the last four weeks her baby bump had almost doubled in size. She now either wore her maternity pants of leggings and maternity shirts that clung around her swollen stomach, accenting its beauty. Amanda's hair was damp from the shower and she brought the fresh scent of lilac into the room with her. Dressed in a pair of black maternity pants and a baby blue t-shirt, she appeared to glow. Olivia's eyes trailed over the Southern blonde's still slender figure and sighed.

"You look beautiful," she said as Amanda sat down on the bed and carefully pulled her legs onto the mattress. Everything just took a little bit more time these days.

"Well I feel like a bloated elephant," Amanda groaned and rested her head against Olivia's shoulder. "And one of 'em keeps pushing on my bladder. I haven't slept through the night for the last two weeks."

"One of 'em?" Olivia asked as she arched an eyebrow. She ran her fingers across Amanda's jawline. Now that she was this far along into the pregnancy she only worked from home. It gave her the comfort and she space she needed. Twin pregnancies were hard on a woman's body and Amanda needed to rest at times. At home she was safely away from crackheads, hookers and rapists. "At least call them baby one and baby two."

A smile tugged at Amanda's cheeks. "Or maybe we can start callin' them by their names."

"We don't know what they are yet, Manda. Besides, what's wrong with Peanut?"

Amanda rested her head against the pillows. She was about to speak and her mouth opened but no words came out. Her hand shot down to her stomach in surprise, slightly towards the left and her blue eyes widened. A quiet gasp escaped her as she pressed down against her swollen abdomen. Olivia sat up in surprise and searched her girlfriend's face.

"What's wrong?"

"I…," Amanda began, her hand now searching the full size of her stomach. "I'm not sure but I think I just…" She didn't finish her sentence but grabbed Olivia's hand instead. She pressed it against her bump and held it there. Blue eyes found brown and she watched the older woman's face light up as the distinct movement and feeling below her hand rippled through. Suddenly Olivia's eyes swam with tears and they looked at each other.

"It's kicking," Olivia breathed.

"More like, they're havin' a party in there," Amanda smiled. Her other hand moved towards the right side of her abdomen and she shook her head. "In fact, I think it's a rave."

"Wow," Olivia whispered. She leant in and planted her lips on Amanda's forehead. "I love you, Amanda."

"I love you too, Liv," Amanda chuckled. "I can't believe we finally felt them move. I know the OBGYN said it could happen earlier or later. I thought I felt something the other day, sort of like bubbles popping or something wiggling about inside, but not like this. One of them really planted their feet in me."

"Let's hope they are this lively when we're going for the ultrasound later," Olivia said and slipped off the bed with the intention of walking to the bathroom to take a shower. "If they sit too quietly they'll keep their gender a secret for a little while longer."

Amanda watched Olivia walk out of the room. As the dark haired detective walked across the landing to the bathroom, Amanda thought about their life together. Three or four years ago she wouldn't have believed anyone who told her she'd meet the woman who would change her life in New York City. She wouldn't have believed she'd be pregnant with twins and living in a house that could easily be part of a dream. She'd given up on the meaning of family, the true meaning, when her own fell apart. But sometimes the broken pieces fit back together to make the most beautiful art piece.

She rested her hands on her stomach and smiled. Another soft fluttering underneath her hands told her there was definitely something happening inside.

"Hey you two," she whispered. "What's goin' on in there?" Her blue eyes darted around the room for a moment before focusing on her stomach again. "We're really looking forward to seeing you later. You know, on the screen. You ain't gotta come out just yet." She smiled, her hands now drawing circles across her bump. "We're really happy you're both here, safe and sound, and we can't wait to really meet you. I don't know if we're going to do everythin' right but we're goin' to do the best we can. We're goin' to be a family."

"We'll laugh and we cry and we'll fight and we talk. In this house there will always be room for love. We'll make mistakes and we'll screw up. We're all just people. But we'll laugh about the bad things once they're gone. There will be no givin' up and we'll always keep tryin'. We say sorry when we're wrong and we'll never go to bed angry. We start the day with saying I love you and we end the day the same way because if we tell each other I love you, no day will ever really be bad and we'll never be alone."

Olivia stood in the door way, a lonely tear chasing down her cheek. She'd walked out of the bathroom hearing Amanda's voice. At first she hadn't realised she was talking to the babies inside her but when she reached the bedroom and noticed her lying on the bed, she'd understood. Amanda's eyes snapped up when she became aware of Olivia looking at her and a light pink blush crept across her cheeks.

"You're going to be an amazing mom," Olivia said as she walked into the room. "Our babies are lucky to have you."

Amanda smiled. "They're lucky to have both of us."

"Speaking of mothers," Olivia said, "when's yours getting here?"

"Her plane doesn't leave till six. It was the only flight she could get out of Atlanta other than the red eye."

"Want me to go and pick her up? It saves her taking a cab from JFK."

"I'm sure she'd like that."

Amanda watched Olivia get dressed, struck once again by the detective' stunning beauty. The simplicity of their life together, their cosy home situation, was something that sometimes still surprised her. They were just people who had suffered enough in their life to now be here, with a fresh start. They enjoyed their quiet moments together, reading a good book or cooking together. Somehow their lives had changed so much since moving in to this house. It had become what they had always dreamed about but what they never thought they'd have.

Once Olivia was dressed they went downstairs. Olivia had coffee, something Amanda was only allowed to sniff at, and the blonde poured herself a glass of orange juice. Olivia suggested they'd get a bagel from the shop around the corner form the OBGYN's office and so they left the house a little earlier than planned. Olivia drove, manoeuvring the car with ease through the New York morning rush hour traffic. The radio played a country song, much to Amanda's approval, and she softly hummed along to the melody.

About thirty-five minutes and a bagel later, Olivia and Amanda walked into the reception area of the doctor's office and receptionist behind the desk greeted them with a smile. They signed in and took a seat. They weren't the only people here this morning and Amanda sat down next to a woman who seemed to be as far along as she was. Her husband, or so Amanda assumed, sat beside her and they all smiled at each other without speaking. Olivia had only just picked up one of the baby magazines and flicked through it when their name was called.

Dr Lisa Torres was waiting for them in the examination room and she turned around in her chair when Amanda walked in. Immediately her eyes darted down to Amanda's swollen stomach and she grinned. "Looks like someone's made some progress since the last time I saw her."

"And they've been getting' livelier too," Amanda commented. Her face seemed to glow and she reached for Olivia's hand. "I felt the first proper kick this mornin'."

"That's great," Dr Torres answered. "Well, you know the drill. Get yourself up on the table. Let's have a look, shall we?"

Amanda climbed onto the examination table and rolled her shirt up to just underneath her bra. She pulled the waistband of her pants down to her pubic bone and exposed the full size of her bump. Olivia's eyes raked over her girlfriend's body. Amanda looked beautiful. She was proud of her swollen stomach and she didn't waist a single opportunity to touch it or kiss it or even talk to it. She pulled up a chair and took Amanda's hand into her own.

Dr Torres examined Amanda's bump by pressing down and measuring the size and made some notes. "Everything's seems to be looking good. Your belly is the right size for this stage of your pregnancy so whatever little bit of worry we had earlier on can be forgotten. From what I can feel one of them seems to be upside down on the right side…" She pressed down on Amanda's stomach. "Right here." Her hands moved across. "The other one is lying head down here. There's still plenty of room for them move around and they can still switch places for a few more weeks. After that, it will get a little cramped and they'll have to stick to their own side. "

She switched on the ultrasound machine and Amanda looked at Olivia. She could see the excitement in the older woman's eyes. They'd been looking forward to this moment, to seeing their babies again. She looked back at the doctor. "Liv will be puttin' the nursery together later today."

"And what will you be doing?" Dr Torres asked as she spread the cold jelly across Amanda's stomach.

"I'll be watchin'."

The three women simultaneously laughed.

The screen on the machine came to life and Dr Torres moved the wand across Amanda's swollen abdomen. It wasn't difficult to discover the two babies this time round. They were right there on the screen, both wiggling about. Amanda's hand shot to her mouth as she suppressed a delighted gasp. Blue eyes swam with tears. The babies actually looked like real babies now, with proper heads, arms and legs.

"That one seems to like its thumb," Olivia breathed and pointed at the screen. "Look! It's sucking it!"

"And the other one appears to be waving," Dr Torres grinned. She inspected the screen, checking the babies for any problems but there wasn't a hint of worry in her voice when she spoke again. "They seem to be doing pretty well in there. Add music and you've got a little party." Her eyes found Olivia's and then she looked at Amanda. "Congratulations, everything seems to be in perfect order. They're doing well, they're a good size considering they have to share their space and they seem happy." She paused. "That just leaves the big question. Do we want to know what's between the legs?"

Olivia squeezed Amanda's hand and they looked at each other. They'd talked about the surprise element, the not knowing what they were going to have but they were both too curious to know. It wasn't about the preparation for boys or girls, or one of each, but it was about curiosity. Olivia had never imagined being in this position and she just wanted to know whether she was having sons or daughters.

"Yes," Amanda smiled. "We want to know."

"OK. Let's have a closer look."

The seconds seems to tick away slowly but then Doctor Torres broke the silence, a smile spreading across her face as she pointed at a spot on the screen. "Well, twin A on the right is a boy." She looked at Amanda and Olivia and their faces lit up. "Twin B, the one on the left, is most definitely a girl. Congratulations, you're having one of each. Some would say it's the perfect set."

"Wow," Amanda whispered and shook her head in disbelief. She continued to stare at the ultrasound screen. Even now that her stomach had grown and she had felt the babies move, it was still surreal to know there was life growing inside of her. In fact, there were two lives growing inside of her. A boy and a girl. She looked at Olivia. Tears were now flowing down the older woman's face and she buried her head against Amanda's shoulder.

"I'll get you some print outs," Doctor Torres said. "Also, as a special service to our patients, we organise 3D scans. They are a lot clearer than our usual scans and often allow for parents to see their babies face and stuff like that. Would you like me to book you in for one of those?"

"I bet my mom would love to see that," Amanda said and Olivia, who had lifted her head back up, nodded. "Can do you get us a spot within the next two weeks? She's only here for that long before she goes back to Atlanta."

"Sure. Just book an appointment with the receptionist. I'm sure we can fit you in."

"Thanks."

Doctor Torres handed them the print outs and Olivia slipped them in her handbag as Amanda wiped the remainder of the jelly off her stomach and pulled her shirt back down. She carefully slid off the table and Olivia took her hand. They said their goodbyes and walked back into the waiting room. Amanda managed to get an appointment for next week and after that they left. Once outside they looked at each other and the realisation of what had just happened hit them.

"A boy and a girl," Olivia whispered, her hand lovingly caressing Amanda's stomach. "We're having a son _and_ a daughter."

Amanda's hand covered Olivia's. "It couldn't be more perfect."


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's note: **After the last chapter and all the happiness within this story, I kinda got stuck. I don't do fluff very well and this story was way too happy and romantic and cute. Also, I caught a glimpse of Kelli's brilliant performance in one fo the recent SVU episodes thanks to Tumblr. I may not watch the show like I used to but that alone was inspiration enough. You know, pink unicorns and rainbows kind of stuff isn't really my thing. So, those of you who know me, know that there are certain things I like to do. Sit back and... well, I'd say relax but... maybe not ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 18**

_Every long lost dream led me to where you are_  
_ Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars_  
_ Pointing me on my way into your loving arms_  
_ This much I know is true_  
_ That God blessed the broken road_  
_ That led me straight to you_

_~ Rascal Flatts - Broken Road_

22 weeks, 5 days pregnant.

Amanda stood in the doorway of the nursery, both her hands resting on her baby bump. Olivia had finished putting the furniture together the previous week, which was later than they had planned, but they'd caught a big case that involved everyone. Even Amanda had chipped in from home and eventually they'd found their serial rapist but not until three more women had been assaulted after the initial four. The chase led them all through the city and beyond and even took Olivia to Buffalo for an overnight stay so she could question the suspect's family.

The one positive thing about the last two weeks was Nancy, Amanda's mother. She'd been staying at the house and enjoyed seeing her pregnant daughter wander around wearing sweatpants and t-shirts that had really gotten too small. It had been Nancy who brought Amanda her first proper maternity shirts and ever since Olivia had gotten in the habit of bringing one back every time she went out shopping. They looked good and felt good too and Amanda wondered how much bigger she could become before the new shirts would become too small.

"So here you are," Nancy said and poked her head around the doorway. Amanda stood in between the two cribs. Both were white and Olivia had cursed heaven and hell trying to put them together but eventually managed. The beds were ready and made up and so was the dresser in the corner and the two small wardrobes, one for each baby. One of them had a pink flower on them; the other had a similar flower in blue. The crib on the left had blue blankets and the other one was pink. Amanda had chosen them from a catalogue her mom had shown her and when they arrived yesterday she couldn't wait to put them on.

"It's looking lovely," Nancy said as her eyes darted around the room. "You and Liv have done a wonderful job."

"I never thought I'd be standin' in one of these," Amanda said softly as she fumbled with the cream coloured curtains. "Well, not one that was mine anyway."

Nancy smiled as she looked her pregnant daughter up and down. There were no words to describe how proud she was and how happy she felt. "Some would say they never expected you to have kids either."

"Yeah and I was one of them," Amanda grinned and let her fingers dance across one of the cribs. "I used to rip the heads of my Barbie dolls."

"You're going to do brilliantly," Nancy said encouragingly and Amanda looked up.

"Sometimes I am not so sure about that."

"What do you mean?"

"I guess every parent-to-be thinks they're going to screw up but I guess I didn't always have the best example," Amanda sighed. Nancy moved closer and covered her daughter's hand with her own. She knew Amanda was afraid. When she'd first found out that she herself was pregnant with her eldest daughter she'd been terrified. She knew nothing about babies. When Kim came along she'd had some practice but it turned out that no two kids were ever the same. "Liv and I didn't exactly have the best childhoods and I just keep worryin' that we won't be able to give these two what they need."

"You and Olivia have done the most amazing thing," Nancy said softly. "You have overcome the darkness and the demons of your past and have you have started over. What greater example can there be for a child but to see their parents having made a change in their life? I don't have any doubts about you and Liv, Mandy. You're going to do fine."

"Does it hurt?" Amanda suddenly asked and through her eyelashes she peered up at her mother.

"Does what hurt?"

"Giving birth."

Nancy grinned. "Like hell. It isn't exactly like a woman's body parts are designed to fit around a baby's head. I know it stretches and all but I swear, Amanda, if you go into labour, you'll know about it. And you're not going to forget about it either." She smiled at her daughter. "But you'll love the result forever too."

Amanda looked around the nursery. In less than four months there would be two babies sleeping here. Her son and her daughter. They would be growing up between these walls. She'd hear their voices and the smiles on their faces their grubby hands leaving prints on the windows and the sound of their footsteps on the stairs. There would be birthdays and Mother's Days and Christmases that would be all about their family. Soon she'd have everything she wanted .

Her phone vibrated and her hand slipped into the pocket of her sweatpants. She grinned when she saw the latest picture of Olivia flashing across her screen. She was kissing a print of out their latest ultrasound and smiled. Amanda answered. "Hey honey, what's up?"

"Amanda?"

"Captain?" Amanda asked when she recognised Cragen's voice. "Cap, why have you got Liv's phone?"

"Something happened," Cragen said slowly and Amanda detected the hint of worry in his voice. Fear settled in her chest and she looked up at her mother. Nancy looked back at her and recognised the fear in her daughter's eyes. Olivia had gone to work early that morning to catch up on the paperwork left behind after their serial rapist. It was supposed to be a quick thing and she'd promised Amanda she'd be back for lunch. The three of them had made plans to go out.

"Somethin' happened?" Amanda echoed. "Captain, where's Liv? What happened?"

"There's been a shooting," Cragen said softly. "I think you need to come to the hospital, Amanda."

She hung up and looked at her mother. The world around her slowly slipped away and it changed into a blur. She grabbed hold of the cot to her left and her knees turned to jelly. The blood rushed through her ears and through her tears she could just about make out her mother's shape. Nancy just managed to catch her before Amanda dropped down to the floor and draped her daughter's arm around her shoulder. She brushed a strand of hair out Amanda's eyes.

"Mandy?" she whispered. What she saw in her daughter's eyes and written across her face, scared her. She was terrified. It was as if all the imaginable fear in the world had been put into her eyes. Suddenly she was fragile and small, a child who needed their mother and a woman who was suddenly seeing her world fall apart. "Mandy, what happened?"

"It's Liv," she breathed. Her heart hammered in her chest with such intensity that it hurt. Every single beat, every single breathe, was pure agony. "She's hurt. Something… something happened to her and she's hurt…"

"Okay," Nancy replied and her mind went into overdrive. A couple of years ago she had found Amanda in a hospital bed, unconscious and hurt. Olivia was at her bedside, holding her hand and praying she woke up. Now the tables had turned. She helped her daughter up and down the stairs. Carefully she guided Amanda through the living room and out of the front door the car. Amanda walked out of habit, not because she realised where she was going. By the time she got into the car and buckled up, her mother had already started the engine and picked Amanda's phone out of her pocket.

She redialled Olivia's number and heard Cragen's voice. She had only met him a handful of times but they had gotten to know each other. "Captain Cragen? It's Nancy Rollins, Amanda's hospital do I need to take Amanda to?"

"They've taken her to Bellevue," Cragen answered. There was background noise. Voices, people were talking around him. A distant siren. Another ambulance arriving in the ER. "How's Amanda?"

"Dazed," Nancy said and sighed. When she had seen the initial fear in Amanda's eyes her heart had shattered. "I guess it's better than falling apart, especially in her condition. What can you tell me about Liv?"

"Nothing much," Cragen replied. "The doctors are still working on her. This place is a madhouse right now. I am trying the best I can but all I'm getting is a whole load of nothing."

"Okay," Nancy answered. She felt surprisingly calm. She had to be if she wanted Amanda to get the hospital in one piece. Her daughter needed her right now and she was going to do everything she needed to do. "I'll see you when we get there."

She hung up, reversed the car off the drive and then looked at Amanda. She couldn't remember ever seeing her daughter this lost and quiet. She hadn't spoken since they came downstairs. She stared out of the window, her face blank and emotionless. Her hands rested on her swollen stomach and a single silent tear trickled down her face. The phone on which her mother had just spoken to Cragen now rested in her lap again, the wallpaper showing a picture of Amanda and Olivia, their arms wrapped around each other, kissing. It was a snapshot of one of the many happy moments in their life.

She left the house where Amanda and Olivia lived behind her and started the drive to the hospital. Using the build in navigation system in Amanda's car she managed to find her way to the Bellevue without problems and pulled up outside the ER. It was riddled with ambulance, cops in uniforms and cars. When she and Amanda got out of the car, one of the officers rushed towards them when Nancy struggled to help Amanda. He supported them until they made their way inside and there they were met by Cragen.

"What happened?" Amanda breathed as she looked up to her captain. Being in the hospital sparked her senses. She had been in this ER many times before, as a detective. She swallowed hard. "Where's Liv? Captain, what happened?"

"Liv, Amaro and Fin were called out to a suspect who flashed himself to a little girl in Central Park. He managed to get away and several units were dispatched. While they were there they caught him with another child. When a uniformed officer tried to arrest him the suspect took his gun and started shooting. He hit Liv and Amaro. Fin took him out but by then…" Cragen's voice broke and he shook his head. "It turned it into a frenzy. We've got six cops with bullet wounds and one dead suspect. IA is all over this again and Carmichael and McCoy are on their way."

"I don't want McCoy anywhere near this," spoke another voice and Amanda looked up to see Alex standing behind her. The blonde attorney quickly walked over to Amanda and wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her. Her hand brushed across Amanda's abdomen as if to hug the babies too. "This isn't about right or wrong. This is about those cops who got injured and Liv and Amaro. This hasn't got anything to do with SVU. McCoy is just looking for a way to blame us all and I am not going to let this happen."

"Don't worry," came the unexpected reply. A Texan accent echoed around the ER and Alex looked over her shoulder. Abbie Carmichael looked dishevelled, as if she had been in a rush. Her dark hair was tangled. She walked over to the group and reached for Amanda's arm in a gesture of comfort and support before glancing back at Alex. "McCoy won't be coming."

"Why?" Alex asked and a twisted grin tugged at Abbie's cheeks.

"Because I politely told him not to."

A nurse walked into the waiting room and checked a piece of paper in her hand before looking up. "Family of Olivia Benson?"

"Yes!" Amanda and Nancy called simultaneously and the nurse walked over to them. Alex, Abbie and Cragen joined them and the five of them looked up to the nurse in expectation. She was in her early fifties with dark eyes and wrinkles across her face that told the story of a hard life. She spoke with a Philadelphia accent and her eyes lingered for a moment on Amanda and her baby bump.

"The doctors are taking her in for emergency surgery. The bullet is dangerously close to her aorta and they can't risk leaving it there in case it moves and ruptures it," the nurse explained. "A couple of inches to the right and she would have bled out on her way here." Her eyes found Amanda and noticed the tears streaming down her face. "Are you allright, honey?"

"She can't die now," Amanda whispered. "She has to watch our babies grow up. I don't want them to be born and not see her face. I want them to see the way she smiles at me, the same way she will smile at them…" She tried catch her breath but couldn't and slowly sank down into one of the chairs. Nancy sat down next to her and stroked her back whilst Alex's hand rested on her shoulder. "Liv can't die on me now. I need her…."

"She's not going to die," Nancy whispered into her daughter's ear. "You know Liv. She's a fighter. She'll come out of that surgery and she'll make a full recovery. That's what Liv does. You know she isn't ready to leave you yet. She wants to see these babies. She wants to meet her son and her daughter. Amanda, Olivia isn't going anywhere."

Amanda sighed. "She can't leave me." Her blue eyes darted around the waiting room. People were coming and going and the sound of another ambulance approaching brought a shiver to her spine. She didn't hear the nurse telling Cragen and the others about Amaro and the uniformed officers that got shot. She hadn't even seen Fin yet. All she wanted, all that she could think about, was Liv and how badly she wanted her back.

"Please, Liv, don't leave me…"


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's note: **Well, here we go...

* * *

**Chapter 19**

_Where there is desire_  
_ There is gonna be a flame_  
_ Where there is a flame_  
_ Someone's bound to get burned_  
_ But just because it burns_  
_ Doesn't mean you're gonna die_  
_ You've gotta get up and try_

_~Pink - Try**  
**_

There was nothing worse than the agony of waiting. The sounds and voices in the waiting room had faded into a blur. She did not see faces. She did not hear words. Amanda sat in one of the chairs, her mother's hand safely wrapped around her own, staring at the floor. Images flashed through her head of Olivia smiling and in the back of her mind she could hear the echo of her voice. It was as if she was in the room with her, standing next to her without her being able to see. Amanda didn't want to let that go. She had to hold on for as long as she could.

The minutes had passed on the clock. First an hour, then two and eventually a third. Around them people came and went but the group of friends, a family brought together by fate rather than blood, sat together. Cragen had brought everyone coffee, and offered Amanda some tea, but she declined. It wasn't until her mother suggested she had to eat and drink something so the babies would be Ok that she finally took the cup. It now stood empty at her feet, next to a couple of peanut bar wrappers.

Alex and Abbie sat side by side, their faces pale and tiredness showing. Abbie, who sat nearest to the wall, had folded her coat under her head and appeared to be sleeping but the movement behind her eyelids betrayed that she was in fact awake. Alex had been flicking through an outdated fashion magazine and was now studying a page in an interior design book. Her half empty cup of coffee stood on the arm rest of the chair, balancing precariously.

Fin had joined them only an hour ago, after talking to IAB. When he arrived he'd walked straight up to Amanda and wrapped his arms around her in a way a brother hugged a sister. He whispered something in her ear only she could hear. _"I did what I could to protect her. I don't want you to lose her."_ Now he sat next to Cragen, picking at his fingernails as he stared down at the floor. Munch sat at his other side, his eyes fixed on a spot on the wall. Cragen fumbled with his phone. It buzzed every so often as other cops checked in on Olivia and Nick. There was no news on either of them.

Finally, as the clock almost marked the four hours since they arrived here, the doors opened and a doctor emerged. Dressed in crisp, green scrubs and with kind blue eyes he approached the group of people. Everyone looked up, expectation in their eyes. Amanda searched the doctor's face for any hint of disappointment, a sign that normally told them that the fight had been lost.

"Olivia Benson and Nicholas Amaro?" he inquired when he reached them and an agreeing murmur rose up from the group. His eyes darted briefly across their faces, knowing that he had the answers to their questions. "Both surgeries went very well."

"Oh, thank God." Alex voiced everyone's emotions and she took a deep breath. Beside her, Abbie wiped her eyes as the anxiety became too much and the tears finally found their way out.

"How are they?" Cragen wanted to know.

"Detective Amaro should be able to leave the hospital some time tomorrow. We're keeping him for an overnight observation. Standard practice really. The bullet was a through and through but it will take some time for his shoulder to properly heal. He's going to need some physio in a few weeks, strengthen the muscles and the tendons back up," the doctor explained. "He's awake and talking, already giving the nurses some hassle."

"Nothing new there then, "Fin said.

"What about Liv?" Cragen asked. He understood this practice. Give the good news first so the bad news doesn't hurt as much. They did it themselves all the time. Give people the positive things to hold on to, find strength, before sharing the news that would have perhaos broken them before. "I know that when they brought her in, it looked bad."

"Detective Benson is lucky to be alive."

The words hit Amanda like a blow and a quiet sob escaped her. Nancy leaned in and wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulders, pulling her closer. She kissed Amanda on her hair and rubbed her baby bump. Amanda rested against her mother's body, desperate to feel some kind of comfort. Hearing a doctor say that Olivia had come so close to dying chilled her heart. She couldn't remember ever having been this scared.

"How is she?" she managed to whisper. "How's Liv?"

"The first bullet missed her aorta and lodged itself in the abdominal wall but when we opened her up we discovered the second bullet had ruptured her spleen. It didn't show up on the X-ray because it was a through and through. When we reached the OR and cut into her stomach to remove the original bullet, we found the source of the bleeding. Her spleen had to be removed but that isn't something to worry about as a person can quite easily live without it."

"So she's going to be OK?" Amanda breathed. "She's going to make it?"

The doctor nodded. "We removed the bullet and stabilized her. She's been giving three pints of blood and we're keeping her sedated for the next 48 hours to give her body a chance to recover from the initial trauma. After that we'll wake her up and she can begin the process of recovery. It's going to take some time but she's had a very lucky escape."

"Can I see her?" Amanda asked softly.

The doctor's gaze lingered on her swollen abdomen and slowly nodded. "She's in ICU. Only a couple of you at a time, please."

"You go with your mom," Fin said and he put a hand on Amanda's shoulder. She met his eyes and smiled in appreciation. "The rest of us will deal with Amaro. Just tell Liv we're all waiting outside, rooting for her."

"This way," the doctor said as he went ahead and led Amanda and Nancy to the elevator. The three of them stepped inside and Nancy linked her arm through Amanda's to make sure that she remained upright. Every so often her eyes darted to the doctor beside her and she noticed that he was watching her daughter too, a hint of worry in his eyes. When she met his gaze, he nodded. They understood each other. Through the elevator ride Amanda didn't speak. She merely stared at her own reflection in the small mirror.

The doors opened after a soft ping and they walked onto the ICU ward. Nancy realised instantly that it didn't look that different from the ward where Amanda had been after she got shot. The memory was still fresh in her mind and she squeezed Amanda's hand as they followed the doctor. A couple pf the nurses said friendly hellos as they walked past and eventually they reached one of the small rooms. The blinds were closed and the door was shut. The doctor opened it and stepped aside so that Amanda could come in.

"Just a warning," he said softly and Amanda looked up at him. "We've intubated her and put her on a ventilator to help her body breath. She'll probably come off the machines tomorrow but we're just trying to give her as much rest as we can."

He closed the door behind them and now they were alone. Amanda became aware of the monotone beeping of the heart monitor and the whizzing sound coming from the ventilator. Slowly her eyes darted around the room and came to a rest on the bed. She gasped in shock, covering her mouth with her hand. Olivia looked pale; her brown hair sprawled out over the white pillow. The tube in her mouth somehow changed the way her face looked. A dark purple bruise had formed across her right cheek, most likely where she had hit the ground after getting shot. Her hands lay flat on the sheets, palms facing down.

"Oh my God," Amanda breathed as she walked across the room and sank down in the arm chair beside the bed. Tentatively she reached out a hand and her fingers ghosted across Olivia's. They were warm and she felt herself relax a little. "Liv…" Quiet tears chased down her cheeks. Olivia was dressed in a standard issue hospital gown and with the sheets covering most of her body, it was impossible to see where the bullets had entered her body.

"I'm here now," Amanda whispered as she brought Olivia's hand up to her lips and kissed it. She swallowed. "You've given us quite a scare, Liv. How many times do I have to tell you not to do this to me?" She smiled through her tears. Every morning when Olivia went to work she made her promise to be careful. She knew she had to remain optimistic, no matter how much it hurt or how difficult it was. Even now she had to try and make the best out of it. "Don't you dare think that this is going to get you out of diaper duty."

Nancy walked around the bed and pulled up another chair. She rested her elbows on the bed and her chin in the palm of her hand. "We're all here with you, Liv. There's me and Amanda and of course your son and your daughter." She smiled to herself as she said it. "Amanda and I were lookin' at the nursery this morning. You did an amazing job putting it all together." She looked at Amanda. Her daughter's blue eyes were fixed on Olivia's face and what she saw was the purest kind of love. She had never seen Amanda look at anyone the way she looked at Olivia. Some people were meant to be together, regardless of the difficulties they faced along the way.

Amanda brushed a couple of tears from her cheek and leant in. "You remember when we talked about getting' married?"

On the other side of the bed Nancy looked up, surprise flickering in her eyes.

"I don't want anythin' to happen to you or to our children. When you wake up and you're feelin' up for it, I think we should do it. I think we should get married. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Every day is just that little bit more special when you're there, Liv. I don't ever want to see that change. What we are, what we have become… nothin' will ever change that. But a ring will make it stronger. It will change us, makes us even stronger than we already are. And I would love to call you my wife in front of the whole world, Liv. I want you at my side, forever. Because without you there is no me."

"Amanda," Nancy said softly and the younger blonde looked up.

"I know," Amanda smiled. "We were goin; to tell you once we'd decided when we were goin' to do it. I think that before I would have waited until the twins were born but now…" She looked back at the bed, at Olivia. "Now I don't want to wait any longer. To know that I could have lost her, lost everythin', makes me think that sometimes it's so much more important to do things like this. I never believed in marriage makin' any bond stronger. Love is always strong, ring or no ring. But today it could have made a change and I want it to make a change."

Nancy smiled. "You'll make a beautiful bride."

"Not like this, I won't," Amanda answered and pointed at her stomach.

"A blossoming one then."

"Nice safe, Ma." Amanda leant back in her chair and glanced down at her hand holding Olivia's. She wanted to marry her. Right here, right now if she could. There was nothing she wouldn't do anymore. This was about their love, about the friendship and the bond between them, and she didn't want anything or anyone to come between that and take it away. They were strong when they were together.

"That's us," Amanda whispered softly as she leant in and kissed Olivia on her forehead. It was such a familiar thing to do. "That's who we are. We are strong and we keep fightin', even if things go bad. So don't you dare give up, Olivia Benson. I need you and your kids need you. This is what we do. We keep goin'." She took a deep breath. "We never let go."


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's note: **Sorry for the delay, folks. I've ventured back into the world of SVU by watching a couple of episodes of season 14 in an attempt to get my muse going again. I just really needed something to kickstart this story and watching has helped a little. So here it goes...

* * *

**Chapter 20**

_There will be days we're missing_  
_All the places our love has been_  
_There will be joy in knowing the best_  
_Is still around the bend_  
_With every step we will draw closer_  
_That every turn our love will grow_  
_Take my hand, we have many a mile to go_

_~Collin Raye - Many A Mile_****

23 weeks, 1 day pregnant

It had been three days since Olivia was shot. They felt like the longest days of her life. Three days that consisted of endlessly waiting, hoping for a change. The monotone sound of the machines beeping had become part of her and Amanda struggled to imagine what her life had been like before any of this happened. She hadn't slept in her own bed for days, took showers in the small nurse's shower at the end of the ICU ward and walked around in an oversized NYPD sweater and black sweat pants. She lived on cafeteria food and candy from the vending machine and bottles of water.

On the morning of the third day Amanda walked back into Olivia's room to find a couple of nurses and a doctor standing around her lover's bed. They looked up when she walked in and one of the nurses smiled reassuringly when Amanda's eyes reflected fear. "Don't worry," she smiled. "We're about to take the tube out. She's ready to breathe on her own and we'll wake her up soon. The doctor's withdrawing the medication now."

"Okay," Amanda whispered and hovered by the door. She was nervous about approaching the bed. Although she'd gotten used to seeing Olivia with all her tubes and machines, she wasn't sure she was ready to see how her body responded to them all being withdrawn. It was common knowledge that many patients produced an awful sound when the tube was pulled from their throat.

She rested her hands on her swollen stomach. Ever since arriving at the hospital she'd done nothing but talk to her son and daughter growing inside of her. She reassured them that their mommy was going to be fine, that they were all going to be a family together. If she wasn't talking to the babies she was talking to Olivia about the babies. It was comforting to hear her own voice, talking to Olivia as if she was about to speak back to her. It kept her sane.

A soft knock on the door made her jump and she turned in time to see Nancy poke her head around. "Hey," she said. "How's it goin'?"

"They're takin' the tubes out," Amanda said softly. "I think she may wake up soon."

"Want me to wait here with you?"

"Yeah," she breathed. "I'd like that."

Together they watched and waited as the doctor and nurses did what they needed to do. They worked quickly and with skill and after ten minutes they all slowly stepped away from the bed. One of the nurses beckoned Amanda to come over and she hesitantly approached the bed. When she finally got to see Olivia, she felt the tears well up in her eyes. She looked like the woman she loved again. No longer was she attached to machines and tubes. It seemed she'd gone from looking seriously ill to ready to wake up.

"How long till she'll be awake?" Amanda wanted to know.

"Give it a few hours," the doctor answered. "We've stopped the medication but it will take a while for it to get out of her system. When she wakes she may be a little groggy and probably doesn't remember what happened. Give her some time but in a few days she should be as good as new."

"Thank you," Amanda whispered and turned around when she felt her mother's comforting hand on her shoulder.

Nancy pulled the two chairs up to the bed and gestured for her daughter to sit down. Amanda took Olivia's hand into her own and brought it up to her lips. She softly kissed it and then pressed her lover's hand against her forehead. There was nothing more agonizing in the world than waiting. Every minute seemed to feel like an hour and every hour felt like a day. She hoped, almost prayed, she would never have to do this again.

The hours passed slowly and it wasn't until the clock pointed at ten past three, almost seven hours since the doctors removed the tubes and withdrew the medication that Olivia's eyelids moved. Amanda, whose head had been resting on the bed, shot up when she felt her girlfriend's fingers move against her own and tears welled up in her eyes as she watched how Olivia's eyes slowly opened. To be greeted by those beautiful coffee coloured eyes was perhaps the best thing that could ever have happened to her.

"Manda?" Olivia groggily whispered. "That you?"

"Yeah, Liv," Amanda whispered as she leant in to kiss her forehead. "It's me." A single tear dripped from her eye and landed on Olivia's cheek. She grinned and wiped it away. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a truck," Olivia groaned. Her eyes darted around the room. The walls were painted in sterile white and she recognised the sheets on the bed as standard hospital issue. The only thing that seemed right in this moment was Amanda being at her side but she didn't remember how she ended up here, or why. The only thing she knew was that she was in pain. Her body ached all over and as she tried to move, the dull pain was a clear indicator that she was better off remaining still. "What happened?"

"You got shot," Amanda whispered and ran her fingers through Olivia's hair. "For a little while I thought I'd lost you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Olivia sighed. "Not now that I have you."

"You should rest," Amanda encouraged her girlfriend. She kissed her a second time, glad to have just been able to hear her voice. "I'll be right here when you wake up, OK?"

"OK," Olivia breathed and her eyes slowly closed. A mere few seconds later she'd drifted off into a qiue and peaceful slumber and Amanda got up from her chair and started pacing the room. Her back had started aching after spending so much time sitting down. The nurses recommended she kept moving. The chairs were uncomfortable for everyone but they were especially uncomfortable for pregnant women. The babies growing inside of her kept wriggling about, kicking her every so often.

"How's it goin'?"

The door opened and Nancy came back in. She carried a tray with two cups. One contained coffee, the other tea. She handed the styrofoam cup to her daughter and noticed the relief across her face. "She woke up, didn't she?"

"Yeah," Amanda nodded. "She did."

"Honey, that's wonderful!"

"Yes," Amanda whispered as her eyes drifted back to the bed and came to a rest on Olivia's sleeping form. Her hand caressed her swollen stomach. "Yes, it is."

~()~

It took a couple of days for the medication to really leave Olivia's body and for the most part she was drifting in and out of sleep. Towards the end of the second day she seemed far clearer and started asking questions about what happened. The other detectives came by to visit. Amaro, who had been discharged from hospital less than twenty-four hours after the shooting, brought the biggest bunch of flowers Amanda had ever seen. Fin and Munch tied 'Get Well Soon' balloons to the end of Olivia's bed and Cragen smuggled in some of her favourite chocolate. As they all sat around her bed, smiles plastered across their faces, Amanda realised that their family was still complete. It would take more than a few rounds to change that.

"Any idea when they're letting you out?" Fin asked.

"Hopefully soon," Olivia answered. She sat propped up against a few pillows and seemed alert and bright. "The food sucks."

"I bet you've been missin' my cookin'," Amanda grinned. "I'll make chicken when they let you go."

"Family dinner?" Nancy suggested and everyone's face lit up. "Nothin' like a good dose of Southern cookin' to welcome ya home."

"Sounds like a plan," Olivia grinned. "Now someone find me a doctor to sign those release papers. I'm not eating another plate of mashed potato!"

The banter continued for as long as visiting hour lasted. When the time was up, the other detectives and Nancy left but Amanda stayed. By now the doctors and nurses were so used to her that they considered her part of the furniture. She knew all of them by name. She closed the door after seeing their friends out and walked back to the bed. Olivia followed her girlfriend with her eyes and smiled when Amanda climbed onto the bed with her. There was barely enough space for the two of them, especially if you considered the size of Amanda's stomach, but she managed to wrap an arm around her anyway, kissing the top of her head.

"I can't wait for you to come home," Amanda mused softly. "We can prepare for the babies together."

"Have you thought of any names yet?" Olivia wanted to know and Amanda looked up in surprise. She grinned. "Just curious."

"I'm not very good with names," Amanda admitted. "You?"

Olivia smiled. "I've thought of a few."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Amanda's blue eyes lit up. "Care to share?"

"Well," Olivia began. "I really like Kaelyn, Bella or Jessie for a girl." Her brown eyes searched Amanda's face for a hint of approval and she grinned when she saw her girlfriend's smile widen. It seemed that Amanda wasn't rejecting the names just yet. "And I like Jadyn, Theo and Skyler for a boy." She paused. "What do you think?"

"I absolutely hate Skyler," Amanda chuckled. "I've never liked it. It's one of those names you hear left, right and centre but it doesn't do anything for me. But I do like Theo." Her eyes dropped to her swollen stomach and she tried to imagine the little girl and boy in there. Eventually they would have to name them and it would be a choice their children would have to live with for the rest of their lives. "And I love Kaelyn." She pursed her lips as her eyes drifted back up to meet Olivia's gaze. "I can live with Theo and Kaelyn."

"We don't have to choose now," Olivia said and covered Amanda's hand with her own. "Maybe we can think about it a little bit more?"

"Sure," Amanda smiled and kissed Olivia's cheek. "After all, we want to get it right."

"We will," Olivia said. "I know we will." She snuggled a little closer to Amanda. Soon she'd be able to do this again in their own bed, one that was big enough for the two of them as well as Amanda's bump. "You should go home tonight," she whispered. "You've spent night after night sleeping in that crappy chair. You should look after yourself a little bit more."

"You sure?" Amanda asked. "I mean, I can stay if you want me to."

"I know," Olivia smiled. "But I need you to be strong and healthy and these chairs aren't helping."

"Ok." Amanda's eyes darted to the clock above the door. She'd been here for days. Going home felt strange. "Ok." She kissed Olivia on her lips and relished in the taste. She couldn't wait to have her home with her again, to be together. "I'll be back first thing tomorrow, allright?"

"I know," Olivia whispered as her girlfriend slipped off the bed and started across the room. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Amanda left Olivia's room, closed the door behind her and crossed the ward. She stepped into the elevator, pressed the button for the ground floor and walked through the lobby out of the building. She hailed a cab after remembering that her mother had left a few hours earlier to get some much needed groceries and climbed into the back. She told the driver her address and sat back, resting her head against the window.

The drive home seemed to take forever, thanks to busy traffic. When the cab eventually pulled up outside the house, Amanda paid the driver and fished her keys out of her handbag. She unlocked the front door and stepped into the house. She waited for a moment, allowing the silence to overwhelm her. But then the silence was broken by the sound of footsteps and she looked up to see her mother emerge from the kitchen. Nancy smiled when she saw her daughter.

"You should go and take bath. It'll help you relax," she said softly and pushed Amanda towards the stairs. She didn't resist and did what her mother told her to. She climbed the stairs to the first floor and walked past the nursery.

The door was open and she peeked inside. It looked peaceful and quiet, ready for their twins to arrive. She smiled as she remembered Olivia putting everything together. She felt pride and love well up inside of her as her eyes drifted around the room. This was their future, their life. Soon they'd be a family and she couldn't wait.


End file.
